As I go through my day, don't I unconsciously submit to good ole me, never even knowing that it's active? In noticing it, I have a chance to stop and look - seeing how this fictional "being" is claiming ownership/control. Aren't I attempting to experience the factual absence of it by clearly seeing its non-existence?
No, and my awareness of this comes and goes.It's not so much that good ole me doesn't exist, its more of what it consists.
Does it consist of flesh and bone?
I recognize that it is made of mental stuff, but it certainly seems alive and running on its own power.
Oh, yes. Most of my examples would have something to do with anger.Can you give one example of 'it' seeming alive?
and/or
One example of 'it' seeming to run on its own power?
Now, I guess I could just clean and enjoy the fact that I even have a house to clean and take some pleasure in doing it well, etc., but no, I'm cleaning and resenting it like crazy. Good ole me is firing on all cylinders, turbo charged, seemingly very solid and alive, feeding on imagined wrongs. It's like a thick pair of smudged goggles that I can't see through but can't take off. Then it grabs this, and reminds me that all my Saturdays from now until eternity are going to be filled with endless house repairs. Suicide seems like an option. :)
If I didn’t want to go there, I wouldn’t be here having a conversation with a total stranger, trusting them to shepherd me in this.You don't want to go there, and I can't make you.
I get that the me is a mental idea/belief, but that doesn’t seem to shift anything, so I must not be getting it in the right way. Like there’s some key I’m not utilizing.That un-questioned assumption is 'me' is real.
If I didn’t want to go there, I wouldn’t be here having a conversation with a total stranger, trusting them to shepherd me in this.
I get that the me is a mental idea/belief, but that doesn’t seem to shift anything, so I must not be getting it in the right way. Like there’s some key I’m not utilizing.
Believe me, I’m sick to death of “poor me.” Why would I want to hold onto that?
It just lifts. I don't know how. "I" isn't participating. It’s not doing anything.When that hand starts to lift, see if you can track the initiation of the lifting.
What was the initiating factor?
Where are 'you' in this?
I don’t know what it is, but it seems to be a claiming of actions and thoughts as its own, and the claiming implies a separateness, like a different person on top of the person who is actually here.And if 'you' can't lift a hand, what is a 'you'?
It just lifts. I don't know how. "I" isn't participating. It’s not doing anything.
If it’s not lifting my hand, then it must not be typing these words. Checking right now as I type. There is typing, but no I typing. There is looking, but no I looking. There is hearing but no I hearing. There are birds singing but no I hearing them.
As long as I consciously direct attention on the activity, I can observe the absence of an I. But I'm pretty sure that it will pop back up when I stop looking. The default "I" setting is pretty strong.
I don’t know what it is, but it seems to be a claiming of actions and thoughts as its own, and the claiming implies a separateness, like a different person on top of the person who is actually here.
A victim of my own con. Damn.Do you like to be conned?
A victim of my own con. Damn.
Yesterday was a funny day. There was something different about my perception - a slight dreamlike quality to things, and less reactive. It was subtle; a letting go, giving myself a break.
Back at work today, my mind is occupied with the usual stuff, and the feeling lingers, just not as strong.
Will do. Happy to be able to make better use of all those hours at work.Next time you're at work, find a moment to do the hand lifting exercise, see the un-observability of a 'doer', 'me' - and take that knowledge into the next work task. That could be shocking.
Some good news!Good. That's a good sign. Shows a marked shift.
Not at work, but on the drive there I noticed that many times I was completely lost in thought yet I was never in any danger, driving was happening, perfectly. No work on the part of 'me' was necessary. I've of course noticed this at one time or another, but always wrote it off as just a funny thing that we do.Next time you're at work, find a moment to do the hand lifting exercise, see the un-observability of a 'doer', 'me' - and take that knowledge into the next work task. That could be shocking.
Not at work, but on the drive there I noticed that many times I was completely lost in thought yet I was never in any danger, driving was happening, perfectly. No work on the part of 'me' was necessary. I've of course noticed this at one time or another, but always wrote it off as just a funny thing that we do.Next time you're at work, find a moment to do the hand lifting exercise, see the un-observability of a 'doer', 'me' - and take that knowledge into the next work task. That could be shocking.
Same with making breakfast just now. It was perfectly orchestrated, I didn't burn the toast, I made a perfect cup of coffee, but when I look back on it, it had the same quality as the lifting of the hand. There was no moment when I commanded the hand to pour, to stop pouring, to turn on/off the stove.
Also, I can see how, because there is a sequence of events which were learned that when performed in a certain order adds up to a perfect cup of coffee, that there is 'me' claiming learning: 'I' didn't know how to do this so 'I' learned how to do this. There appears to be just learning happening, in the same way that there was just driving happening.
This learning seems to be connected to this particular body/mind, so there must be what is called a person here, that functions, learns, pours, and drives. No wonder it's confusing - there is this unique body/mind clump running around but no unique, separate 'me' who is the owner, the boss, the decider.
Assuming that I've got all this right, I can see this, but it's not intuitive.
That is a particular danger for me - I was the perfect Buddhist. I knew all the rules, could quote the masters, etc. But there is a difference this time - I have no desire to share this with anyone. I just want to, have to grasp this.A trap is to fall into explanatory dogma to fill the gap left by 'ME'. You know the kind of thing, 'there is no self', 'life is just happening', 'we are all one' - that sort of nonsense. Instead, you observe. And smile. :)
Gladly.Next, explore this in speaking with family, friends, colleagues. Observe words being spoken. At the same time, while its happening, observe a 'me' speaking. Give it yer best.
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