Please help me to see the simple truth of it

[willing]

Hi Lawrence

I am so sorry. I have been simply overwhelmed by life stuff going on these past few weeks - a lot of change and turbulence and it's depleting my energies. That's not an excuse, I should have been in touch with you. I'm sorry. It just all felt a bit too much there for a while. I've asked myself a few times if this is avoidance, or fear, or something else to do with the investigation in disguise, but I don't think so. The answer that keeps coming back is that this investigation feels like a meaningful thread in my life and I don't want to lose it.

One thing from your last message that left me feeling a but confused and unsure how to answer was this part:

There is a sense of general loosening, but I still feel there is a grip of you conceptualising, because you draw no conclusions about your actual feelings on the sensations you are feeling.

The sense I had was that I was doing the opposite to conceptualising, in not drawing any conclusions or making interpretation, simply staying with the experience as I could describe it. But do you detect something else going on there, something that I'm not seeing?

If there is no "me" or "my body" isn't this just being aware ? Can you look at this and see that as there is no sense of the "me", it is just awareness happening observing a body as much as anything else that is around.The "I" has disappeared in awareness because it was never there.

Logically, I suppose it is "just being aware", but.....somehow I can't with my hand on my heart say that this is what the experience feel like. Just trying to be authentic in what I write. It's more like....a flow of things going on. It doesn't feel like awareness as such, that would be like being aware of things going on. It's more like just being part of all of it. No idea if that makes any sense. These are quite fleeting moments of experience, so it often isn't very distinct or definite. I've noticed that certain kinds of situations provoke the apparent "edges" back into view - I know that's story - but there's been a bit of that going on lately...

in any case, sending love, I hope you're well, Lawrence.

willing

[Lawrence]

My beautiful lovely willing

This is a wonderful group and it was my privilege to have Ilona point the way. However I am withdrawing from all activity now and I cannot help you Please accept my apologise. I will ask Jon to see if he can find a home for your passage. Much Love Joy and Peace on your way. With Love Lawrence

[willing]

Dear Lawrence,

Thank you for letting me know that you're withdrawing from the forum. I wish you all the very best with your journey, whatever that may bring.

I also wanted to send a heartfelt thank you for the patience and care you've shown me through this dialogue. I've valued your guidance deeply, and the insights that have emerged with your help. It is a precious gift and I'm very grateful for it. Thank you for asking if there's another guide who could continue this investigation with me.

Much love,

willing

[JonathanR]

Dear willing,

Lawrence has asked me to take over from him as your guide and I'm here to offer to do that. Is this OK with you?

If you are happy to continue with me then we can pick up from here.

The way I would like to start is for you to tell me a few things?

At this point, what expectations do you have of this conversation? It doesn't matter what the expectations are, how little or large they might be or how insignificant. Nothing is irrelevant.

I know you have been chatting in some depth with Lawrence but to begin with I may ask you a few questions that could feel a bit like 'back to square one', or repeats of ground covered. But don't worry, this will only be for a few posts and we will be underway.

Could you please tell me what is your current understanding of what 'you' are?


Warm regards,

Jon