The Gate

Hi Nina,

i hope you are well again?

Was there ever a seperate self?

No, there never was a separate self.

When or how did the illusion start?

I guess it starts in childhood by being told that there would be something like an i, which is beliefed and then reinforced by feelings which arise because this belief is there, f.e. anger when „my“ toy is taken by somebody else. Without words and without thinking a lot in words (which is regarded as something positive especially in our culture) this idea of a separate self could possibly not develop.

So i guess it has to do with language- words are used to describe experiences and later become substitutes for more real experiences, they are beliefed and acted upon without investigating if they are truly existing.
A lot of other beliefs exist especially in our culture that are actually mistakes handed down from generation to generation...and are very much reinforcing the belief in a self.

Very best wishes

Stefan

Thank you Stefan!

Just one more question before I ask the other guides if they have any final questions for you.

What are decision, intention, free will, choice and control?
What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for?
Give examples from recent experience.

Very best wishes

Nina

Hi Nina,

What are decision, intention, free will, choice and control?

This are words which lost their importance since seeing that there is no self- without the belief in a self they do not make sense.
So this are just illusions like the belief in a separate self.

What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? 
Give examples from recent experience.

Everything is connected, so there is no local cause for any thing to happen- any thing happens, because everything else happens.
Since there is no separate self, no body is responsible for anything. No body has control over something- things are happening and you canot influence them by thinking „it should be otherwise“.

I have learned a lot about this by trying to change my thoughts for 25 years- without any real success. And if you canot change thoughts, the emotions and actions which follow them are also not under your control.
Of course, things are changing and slowly i experience more and more often the peace that comes if there are no thoughts, but i dont have any control over it- sometimes its there and sometimes not, no matter what i want.
Or, on the other end of the scala: hundreds of times i „decided, intented, willed and tried to control“ to be nice and peaceful when visiting my mother, but it never happened accept the 2-3 times when she was in a different mood...

What makes it happen, that i sit now here typing an answer to your question- its the sum of everything that happened in my life, in your life, our parents life and so on until everything that happened ever, happens now and will ever happen is included...

Very best wishes

Stefan

PS. Maybe i was thinking too much while answering...
So, in more direct experience: what makes it happen, that i see now my notebook or the different colours which could be named notebook?
It just happens, more i dont know. Definitly there is no self in this seeing to be found, hence there is nobody who could be responsible for this to happen.
How this all works- i dont know and i am happy that i dont have to know...
If i would say more, i would loose the direct experience while going into thought, building up concepts.

Thank you Stefan!

Such great answers!

I will ask the other guides if they have any questions and will get back to you soon.

Take care

Love

Nina
Xxx

Hi Stephan,

There are two more questions for you. You probably feel you have answered them before but it would be interesting to see if anything has changed!


1) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

2) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Thanks

Nina
Xxx

Hi Stephan,

There are two more questions for you. You probably feel you have answered them before but it would be interesting to see if anything has changed!


1) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

2) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Thanks

Nina
Xxx

Hi Nina,


1) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

I feel more light, having more energy, probably besause i take things less serious. The center of giving things importance is lost, so they are seen with much more equanimity.
It is not dramatic, a subtle change actually which seems to operate never the less all the time, making things more easy. I seem to feel more also, probably because less attention is given to thinkig. I am generally more spontanous, but not all the time- sometimes still small fears or doubts come up, thoughts like „Is this the right way? Could things become worse like this? should i not be more careful in making decisions?“.

Ilonas Deep Looking helped me, seeing that this is only the mind spinning, but the heart is already quiet.
Emotions triggered in relationships are passing by quicker, there is no holding on to them, because to whom could they be important?

So, its less dramatic than i expected before and in this process, the change is quite subtle, but it goes deep, to the "center" of things and works from there continuesly.

2) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

It were two pointers from Xain (thank you very much, Xain!):
 

I am often very tensed, frustrated, angry or afraid because I still cling strongly to a feeling of me being separate from everything around.

Sure - I understand.
During these times there is no inherent self either.

That made me considering for the first time, that there is no self in suffering either. I had seen already that there is no self, when there are no thoughts, but considering that there is really never a self there and seeing things from this perspective i felt a big relief- seeing how self made all this suffering is which is mostly caused just by seeking and thatswhy not being happy with the way things are.
Partly i never considered this before because i beliefed blindly the teachings that say that suffering comes from a belief in a self, so if suffering is there, there must be this belief. I never looked closely on things before this guidance.

Looking more closely i can see there is also no i as or in belief since it can not be found anywhere.

So there is no 'I' in thought either?

When i had to answer this question, it happened: there was 100% certainty, that there never was, is or will be a separate self.

Hi Stefan,

There are no more questions for you!

Thank you for being patient with this process and for you commitment to it!

Watch out for a personal message with instructions about what happens next.

Nina

Xxx