The Gate

High again ;)

Had a bit of a "rude awakening" today so I didn't manage to do as planned.
I was already in the bathroom when I first remembered what I was supposed to do, and by then it was to late to do as planned.

Before going to bed last night I tried to look for something persistent; there is or apears to be.
But since I am aware of it, is it me?
Or am I just the one being aware of this "awareness"?

Is it a habit?
If so, how do I sustain it and how do I end it?
No, I do not do anything consciously to sustain this - it just is, it happens without my involvement.

Thats right, the feeling doesn't make itself Andy, it is Andy who identify with the feeling(s).
It happens automatically as soon as Andy becomes aware about a thought, which triggers a line of thoughts, which again gives rise to feelings. These feelings (and thoughts) Andy identifyes with.

Got to pick up my princess at school soon, so I might not be able to get back here until later this afternoon.

Thanks!
Andy

Before going to bed last night I tried to look for something persistent; there is or apears to be.
But since I am aware of it, is it me?
Or am I just the one being aware of this "awareness"?

This is something to maybe discover as we go along.

Is it a habit?
If so, how do I sustain it and how do I end it?
No, I do not do anything consciously to sustain this - it just is, it happens without my involvement.

Don't know how much you know about electricity and what it is, but I know fuck all about it, but it doesn't stop me flicking the switch. :)

We don't need to know about being to be.

Raise up a hand, and it will stop at some point. Hold it there, and it will soon come down again.

You can try to track WHO raised the hand. And not find anyone. But then you're looking for an 'anyone' (whatever that might be), and 'being'. Which presumes being is something to be found in the way we are looking.

Maybe we need to look in other ways. :)

When we don't know, we says its automatic, just happens.

Thats right, the feeling doesn't make itself Andy, it is Andy who identify with the feeling(s).
It happens automatically as soon as Andy becomes aware about a thought, which triggers a line of thoughts, which again gives rise to feelings. These feelings (and thoughts) Andy identifyes with.

What you describe is a machine, and we are not beyond acting as machines.

It is not easy to catch identification in the act, but you don't have to. Wait till you are identified, and then explore. The lab is all set up.

Sit with that identification, with being Andy, discover things about it.

In particular, observe parts of the body where it seems Andy isn't.
Then observe where Andy feels most present.

Then, having seen these feelings/sensations as evidence of Andy, shift to see feelings/sensations as feelings/sensations, clean of any meaning, a natural coming and going.

You will notice, I'm sure, that this observing/being aware seems not to be a part of the 'Andy' show.

See if you can bring 'Andy' into being consciously.

Takk,
John

Thank you very much! :)

Will send you my reply tomorrow. This weekend I am with my daughter so I have some responsibilites to attend to, like now I have to prepare tomorrows breakfast and go to bed.
But tomorrow after breakfast I'll send you my discoveries :)

Thanks!
Andy

Have a lovely weekend with your daughter!

No rush.

Takk,
John

Thanks! :)

I think I get better results if I go through this when I am alone again ;)
Too much going on now, but I'll be back tomorrow evening :)

Wish you a wonderful weekend! :)

Enjoint,
Andy

How's it going Andy?

Takk,
John

Hi John,

Sorry for late reply!

It was a very interesting weekend spent with my daughter, and I had to reflect and contemplate for a while, which is why I have not been so active the last few days.

Usually I don't spend much time with other people, most of my time I am by myself so these "roles" I have are not often in use (you know; the role as a dad, as a friend, as a child of my parents, and so on). Most communication with friends, familiy and other people is mostly done by writing, and these "roles" doesn't become so "focused" that I go completely into caracter, but when I spend time with people,and my daughter in particular, these "roles" are very clear to see.
So when I had put her to bed and was reflecting over the day and what I have just written, I could clearly see that I am not the "beingness"/consciousness/awareness/life but the one observing it.

When I try to observe the observer there is nothing.
When I try to observ the observer when I am out walking, I get the same "sensations" as when I see without describing/labeling/judgeing.

I could write lots more, but it would not be of much use. I am quite unable to descibe most of what I "experience" or became aware of, but I hope what I have written will give you a good hint.

Thanks,¨
Andy

When I try to observe the observer there is nothing.
When I try to observ the observer when I am out walking, I get the same "sensations" as when I see without describing/labeling/judgeing.

I could write lots more, but it would not be of much use. I am quite unable to descibe most of what I "experience" or became aware of, but I hope what I have written will give you a good hint.

It is a good hint. :) Glad to hear you had a nice weekend with your daughter!

How do feel about seeking the answers to life, the universe and everything?

What is your general feeling/mood right now?

With best wishes,
John

Thanks for your reply!

How do feel about seeking the answers to life, the universe and everything?
I feel that I must find the answer, nomatter what, even if it kills me.
It's on my mind all the time.

What is your general feeling/mood right now?
Right now I feel empty.

Thank you!
Andy

How do feel about seeking the answers to life, the universe and everything?
I feel that I must find the answer, nomatter what, even if it kills me.
It's on my mind all the time.
[/quote

What's the question?

What is your general feeling/mood right now?
Right now I feel empty.

Good empty? :)

Takk,
John

Thanks for your reply,

What's the question?
I thought you were asking me a question you obviously didn't :)
You wrote "How do feel about seeking the answers to life, the universe and everything?" and I took that as... well, you've seen it ;) I basically thought you asked how I felt about the search for Truth.
Why did I get it wrong?
Maybe because I earlier today thoght about a similar question?
Or maybe because I had fallen asleep and didn't wake up until I read the next question?

Good empty?
"No-feelings-attached-empty"... hehe... if I can say that... empty is empty; no words, no feelings, no anything -just empty.
No I, no me, no self, no observer, no feelings, no thoughts, just empty (not even that).
Until this point I have thought "I can still go further", but now I feel I'm done; there is no further.
But if anything is possible, I may be wrong; there might be something more behind this emptyness; but I can not see or sense it.

Thank you!
Andy

Good empty?
"No-feelings-attached-empty"... hehe... if I can say that... empty is empty; no words, no feelings, no anything -just empty.
No I, no me, no self, no observer, no feelings, no thoughts, just empty (not even that).
Until this point I have thought "I can still go further", but now I feel I'm done; there is no further.

Andy, your confirmation is the only one that matters. :)

Right, these questions can be useful for us both, to see any gaps etc. Just write whatever shows up. :)

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Takk,
John

Thanks for your reply!

There is no me, myself or I in any shape or form, never was and never will be. There appears to be me, myself and I, but that apperance "evaporates" when one is looking at it/looking for it.

Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
I think this quote from the Bible is a good answer:
"In the beginning was the word
and the word was with God
and the word was God."

There is silence, emptyness.
Awareness of something, what is it? Is it me?
The awareness of something, ideas about that something "pops up". Something familiar is recognised; it is a body. Is it my body?
The awareness of the body is all I am aware of, I am this body; this is my body.

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Well, hard to say in a way.... I feel neutral about it, before I felt angry or comfused when the thought hit me, or somebody spoke about it/read about it.
When I "zoom in" on this natural feeling, it goes away and there is no feeling at all.

Last weekend with my daughter was really good, it was very easy to "distance myself" from "Andy" to observ Andy, it was very clear that "Andy" is something I "wear" and identify with, not who I am.
It is as if the default property of this silence/emptyness is to identify with anything and everything; my body, my thoughts, my house, my view, my town, my country, my world, my universe (and so on and so forth).

Thanks,
Andy

Andy,

Thanks for the swift response. :)

There is silence, emptyness.
Awareness of something, what is it? Is it me?
The awareness of something, ideas about that something "pops up". Something familiar is recognised; it is a body. Is it my body?
The awareness of the body is all I am aware of, I am this body; this is my body.

There being no 'Andy', when you say 'my body', is 'Andy' the owner? If not, is the body yours? To whom does it belong?

Takk,
John

Thanks for your reply!

It is very hard to communicate this :)

There being no 'Andy', when you say 'my body', is 'Andy' the owner? If not, is the body yours? To whom does it belong?
When I say "my body" I am talking from the perspective of Andy, because that is how I am used to phrase my words.
"My body" is more like a point of referense from my perspective, no ownership invalved. The body belongs to the dream/illusion, I use it for navigation, or a means of transportation and expression, but it is not mine.
I guess you can say it belongs to mind :)

Thank you!
Andy