i must see clearly

[samlynne]

woo hoo just as I finish I see I will never lose another post - brilliant you sorted that

I guess I am done so far - but my question is if I have doubts in the future am I able to still contact you as I know that doubts are still likely to arise

its strange - las t year after someone pointing me back to the true nature of things in a five minute conversation - after that for a couple of weeks it was like the universe revealing all its secrets and the biggest feeling of just home ever - seeing clearly from experience how there is no separation anywhere = no time no space - everything was me etc after that I literally felt the re identification with the entity gabi and it was heartbreaking -

I do see these after effects were just very strong experiences that had to go but the reidentification felt so much stronger

my hope is that at least with this process of looking I will be able to use it to see through that until it stabalizes

so I am happy for the final questions steve

gabi

[blackh]

Gabi,

I guess I am done so far - but my question is if I have doubts in the future am I able to still contact you as I know that doubts are still likely to arise

Yes, doubts are still likely to arise and I'm very happy for you to contact me any time for as long as you like. That's the commitment with guiding - to be there for the duration. There are private messages on this site but I am also on Facebook and I can give you my email address. When you're in the LU Aftercare group, you can talk to gatecrashers and all the guides are there and I'm active there. You can talk to any of them on the forum or privately. They're always willing to help.

its strange - las t year after someone pointing me back to the true nature of things in a five minute conversation - after that for a couple of weeks it was like the universe revealing all its secrets and the biggest feeling of just home ever - seeing clearly from experience how there is no separation anywhere = no time no space - everything was me etc after that I literally felt the re identification with the entity gabi and it was heartbreaking

Some people say this can't happen once you've seen, but I think it can. I have always been keen to make sure it doesn't and this attitude has worked for me so far. Remember there is no way to control mental states - they're like the weather - and trying to control them doesn't work. Let's say you feel bad. Maybe it's OK to feel bad. Acceptance is a really important key to this. If "you" can't control anything, then what choice is there but to accept? And who says there is something wrong? A thought?

You may never achieve certain peak experiences again, but that's not what's important. Your everyday experience is what's important. A firm foundation is what will serve you.

You got "there", right? You know you can do it, and you know how you got there. The ability to re-trace your steps will always be there. It actually all boils down to one technique: look. What is really there? Just keep going back to reality every time, and reality is easy to find - it's whatever happens to be there right now. Eventually you will see with less and less effort that reality doesn't contain the self that our culture assures us is there.

The awakening stories we hear are usually dramatic ones, but this shift generally isn't like that. It affects the body-mind at a deep level but subtly. This can make it seem to have less of an effect on life than it really does. Thought patterns are what we see. They are built on a story of "I". The story hasn't changed, but the difference is that now it's not really believed. That huge edifice of thought patterns built on top of it only weakens slowly.

Here are the final questions. There's no hurry.

1. Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
   Was there ever?
2. Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
   Describe it fully as you see it now.
3. How does it feel to see this?
   What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
   Please report from the past few days.
4. What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
   What makes things happen?
   How does it work?
   What are you responsible for?
   Give examples from experience.
6. Anything to add?

Steve

[samlynne]

thank you steve

I will respond in next few days

gabi

[samlynne]

steve just having a" what the F__k day - so much coming up in experience and lots being seen and lots of " how did any of that ever make any sense : plus def the sense that no one is controlling anything - its kind of really intense but funny at same time

I will answer the questions when it feels right

love gabi

[blackh]

Gabi,

Bonkers!


Steve

[samlynne]

ok heres response to questions
1. No there is and never was a separate entity and never was - a sense of me yes made up of sensations and labelling by thought s but no actual entity exist;s

2.the illusion of the separate self - is labelling and thought patterns attached to sensations and labelled further by an I label which forms a belief in which all other constructs about self are supported by - all of this begins from conditioning as we grow up and are taught things about our so called self and the world - all ideas

there is a definite sense of self here still - but if looked at closely that is as before sensations in the body attention going there and thoughts about it behind all of that it is empty

3.to see this feels mmmm almost too simple - I am still looking for something more complex - which of course it isn't

4.the difference is - now I see the construct really clearly - in last few days there has been a definite shift in perception - today I am back in the mud so to speak - but something is now known - and having the ability to look easily is going to help stabalize this

5.decision intention free will choice nd control - well all apparently happen - it appears as though this is real - but when looked at there is none of these controlled by any separate individual - choices are made as are decisions etc - they seem to arise here from no where - I presume brain functioning - its all a mystery

there is zero responsibility for anyone - things arise and responses happen and thoughts about this also arise - from no where and then labelling about the experience creates the sense that someone is making this happen

looked at clearly - this is all just arising and falling from nowhere and conditioning seems to determins how the character will respond - everything is just happening

sorry - missed a question somewhere
the last bit that pushed me over - not sure if there was a one light bulb moment just lots of little nudges - definitely realising that I wasn't trying to get rid of experience and create a better one -a and that the character was going to stay helped - also the constant reminder to just keep looking to see where in the experiencing you could find a self running the show - in fact for me that gets the mind out of the picture more

hope this is okay steve

and would love to stay in contact

gabi

[blackh]

Gabi,

I've submitted this thread for the other guides to check my work. Sometimes this takes a few days and they may have further questions.


Steve

[blackh]

Gabi,

I'm happy to report that the other guides are happy with everything. I'll send you a private message. (Click on "1 new messages" near the top of the page.)


Steve