looking for smudge to guide me .smudge are you there.

[alaya shunyata]

Yep blessed are the cracked for they let out the light !!! And cracked open wide this shell of a separate self is ....examples in DE..
Thought says go and do yoga thought says eat sleep now...wash dance sing now ..but its never now when the action and thought coincide its already past ...that's why I cannot find a point of decision ..thoughts manifest In What's seems to be an endless torent of orders for some future moment that is not here in evidence in this very moment ..thought is saying in this moment type these words thought is thinking these words..yet the typing of these words is already happening. Full stop ...breath...pausing ..looking but definantly not deciding.....

[alaya shunyata]

There is a sence of not wanting a conclusion here...what an anchor this process ...is..keeping this aliveness right here right now..

[smudge]

We can keep in touch post gate. LU offers good aftercare too. Thank you for your answers. I'm going to see if the other guides have questions now. Do add anything you wish. X

[smudge]

OK, one of the guides asks please:
What is the mind? Where it is?
What is the ego? Where it is?
Is there any connection between 'I' and thoughts?
What is the body?

[alaya shunyata]

Looking ....for mind

[smudge]

...........

[alaya shunyata]

Mind cannot be foun...when looking there is a sence a feeling of being bent backwards...what seems to be mind. When looked for ...moves..when looking for mind there is a sence of something there ..but it is felt in this experience as what can be described as a vibration that continues manifesting anything in response to reflecting what is being looked at...but when looked at ( can't be looked at) moves..I sence that there is space ..an empty space...resonating..blankly ..until written upon by this perception ..or by thinking ( which does not feel like mind either) ....you ask what is mind ...I sence that it is not thought that it is not anything but weirdly ...everything or anything at any moment..feels strange to feel that when looking for mind what is found is nothing..not of its own and not connected to thought or body..feels like a buzzing emptyness waiting for a perception to fill its nothingness to reflect

[alaya shunyata]

Cont. Just what is ...

[smudge]

Great stuff...keep going with the other questions.

[alaya shunyata]

What is ego?
In this experience what is senced when looking for ego is a deep sence of suffering...ego feels like a portal a doorway to deep suffering...eg..there is a sence of physical contraction ..knotting up when faced with " things" that seem to be manifesting what is undesirable to the illusion of a self..the story of me me me the wanting one the needy one the angry one the sad one (seperated one)...or indeed; the happy one the creative one the meditating one..the yoga performing one...all ego..what is felt is the conditioned self experience ..as in an I that is happy if certain conditions in life are met and not if they are not .it feels like an attempt by the unreal to somehow bend reality into a solid point of existence ..which does not exist and can never exist.when there is a sence of ego in this experience it feels like life force is being drained...like a freeze is on...like something ghostly is at these heels conjuring up any story of self it can manifest to pull this experience out of DE and back to a small blasting I....included in that is the sencenof self that tries to escape this...all very tricky slippery stuff especially as I this performed by something that doesn't even exist !!!!

[alaya shunyata]

Supposed to read " especially as this is being performed by something that does not exist"

[alaya shunyata]

No. no connection between an I and thoughts...when looked for there is a sence of the chicken and the egg dilemma ...this experience asking ...what comes first...a sence of paradox is felt..thoughts manifesting in a mind that does not exist felt in an experience of an I that does not exist...what a pointless merry go round ... breathing ...fingers touching the screen ...turning away ...

[alaya shunyata]

No. no connection between an I and thoughts...when looked for there is a sence of the chicken and the egg dilemma ...this experience asking ...what comes first...a sence of paradox is felt..thoughts manifesting in a mind that does not exist felt in an experience of an I that does not exist...what a pointless merry go round ... breathing ...fingers touching the screen ...turning away ...

[alaya shunyata]

What is body...
Experienced in DE as a point of experiencing the world of form as form....body as a temporary appearance in this mirror that is held in this hand...in a sence this experience feels it as an aliveness a weaving dance of warm tingling matter...in the moment....then something reports ...dust..nothing...empty.....what is body....body is a fleeting moment in time that when given attention to..is continuously passing..already In A sence dead.

[smudge]

So ego is story, great!

BODY =

aliveness a weaving dance of warm tingling matter.

I like that, resonates as true with Body being the thought label only.

body is a fleeting moment in time that when given attention to..is continuously passing..already In A sence dead.

Really? does passing life = dead, or is that a story added on to life lifing in a changing kind of way? Does seeing life lifeing bring up any feelings? I know for me there was some grief at letting go of the delusion of fixedness..

Just checking we're not tipping into nihilism here! Look, is there deadness found now? can non existence be found NOW? or is that story.