1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there never was one, although for about 40+ years it seemed real and the center of "my" universe.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is a belief. I think it started in early life when the big people start calling this a name, the first things that belong to this entity are parents, toys, etc... training this fledgling self. Wiring in the body/brain is happening, there's a them and a me, and how this me is, in regards to them. The self forms as a combination of beliefs, memories, the physical image, felt sensations, preferences...all belonging to a "Trent". This persona seemingly formed as a way to deal with the world. Something to defend, to inflate, to protect and perfect...to relate to all the other fictional characters out there.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
I was looking at my first posts earlier today, and wow, I thought I understood where this was going, but um, no.
To see this is so anti climactic, I mean, everything is the same (and I've read past conversations where guides warn that nothing changes, but I didn't grok it)...yet the experience of it is quite different. Feelings and triggers still happen, and seem in a way more raw and immediate...preferences still happen. Less regard for what "they" think out there, less need to "protect" the "others" with the nice guy routine. Not sure if I'm explaining this well, I'm no writer. I've been here at my family home in the country, so, lots of walks in nature and in the woods, in silence. It's as though there are moments of experiencing what's in front of me, as part of me, no separation, like, there's not the inherent sense of a me, then a wall of a me that I look through, then the view in front of me. It's just all of it now at once here. Again, that raw sensation, heart beats faster with the realization of it. There's also a calmness, an ability to just deal with things as they arise, without the incessant thought stream, the judgements, the indecision. Just doing what needs to be done, i.e. doing the dishes, cleaning out closets, caring for my mother. Or more accurately, the thoughts are still flowing, but there's not the hooking into them or the stewing over them.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Not sure I can pin that down. As I mentioned in past posts, I kinda expected a burning bush sort of awakening, but it's been more of a slow burn. Just a wearing down of the "selfing" mechanism. A couple things that were super helpful were the posts we had about brain and consciousness. That these are learned concepts and still don't reveal an actual self. Also I would notice during moments of looking inside, in the darkness, for a me, not finding it, and reminding "myself" that this also means no "me" is looking for a "me".
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
Yikes, no. Body/brain just does what the heck it wants to do, is moved to do. There was so much indoctrination here about "I" create "my" reality, intention and goal setting, visualizing, so many self improvement techniques to nudge life towards certain outcomes to avoid certain feelings, experiences. There's absolutely no interest in that stuff...pretty astonishing. Just seems like a lot of whooey, so misleading, although my past teachers meant well. Wow, seems to totally miss the mark. A waste of time to to think a fictional character can "do" or "create" anything. As I mentioned earlier, being here at home, helping out my Mom, I notice, "that needs to be cleaned", "food needs to be prepared", and it happens, body/brain work together, and things get done. No need for any of it to refer to or mean anything at all about "Trent".
6) Anything to add?
Nothing to add, except the overflowing gratitude here for you Delma, for your time and care, pretty much every single day for over a month. What a service you provide...very humbled over here ;) .
Thanks so much, lemme know if any of it is "off"
Hugs, "Trent"