The Gate

What exactly are you?

I don't know how to ask the "what question", but the "where" is frustrating. I definitely exist, but cannot be found in any "place that I search. I don't know what to make of that. It feels like i don't know where to put attention.

Hi dear Raam,

We are looking at that which is already here. No effort is required. Freedom is!

I can see that I exist (right now the feeling is, I exist but I am nowhere, but I feel uncomfortable to say that), and that can be felt by itself without needing to fix any other sensation/feeling.

Let's look at this feeling of "uncomfortable." What is the story there? Where is the contraction felt in the body?

What is the role-play, and what is your part in it?

So much Love,
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

We are looking at that which is already here. No effort is required. Freedom is!

There are so many thoughts that it feels like a struggle to see what's aside from them. That feels like effort, Lubo.

Let's look at this feeling of "uncomfortable." What is the story there? Where is the contraction felt in the body?

What is the role-play, and what is your part in it?

It's uncomfortable because it feels like a paradox, or like I don't understand something fully.

How can I be present but not know where I am?

It feels like I am giving an incomplete answer, and am searching for an answer that I can't find.

Love,
Raam

I hear you, Raam,

There are so many thoughts that it feels like a struggle to see what's aside from them. That feels like effort, Lubo

Notice how the experience changes when you realize there are no thoughts as an existing thing, but only thought-ing?

It's the same as 'wind': you know there isn't a persona, 'Mr. Wind,' a noun, but only the verb wind-ing.

How can I be present but not know where I am?

I remember a few pages ago I asked you to meet yourself and to really notice what emotion is present—do you remember? You answered, "Oh, I am sad," and in that simple answer, you saw.

Forget about the concepts of mind-ing, thought-ing, body-ing, and survive-ing. Meet yourself: How do you feel? What emotion is here?

In this honesty, you will see again what you are.

So much love,
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

I hear you, Raam,

Thanks so much Lubo. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make this difficult, but I seem to be. Thank you so much for being patient with me.

Notice how the experience changes when you realize there are no thoughts as an existing thing, but only thought-ing?

This, absolutely, yes. Only later, it is realized that during that time, there was just thought-ing.

It's the same as 'wind': you know there isn't a persona, 'Mr. Wind,' a noun, but only the verb wind-ing.

Right, Lubo.

I remember a few pages ago I asked you to meet yourself and to really notice what emotion is present—do you remember?

Yes, Lubo. I went back to look at posts where I expressed about feeling worry, fear, etc. And cold notice the blackness of being there.

Forget about the concepts of mind-ing, thought-ing, body-ing, and survive-ing. Meet yourself: How do you feel? What emotion is here?

In this honesty, you will see again what you are.

Right, Lubo.

At this moment, there's fear of uncertainty in so many ways. A fear of the uncertainty related to getting married and staying unmarried. I'm travelling again currently, there's fear of leaving my parents alone at home. There's a fear of just staying in this space forever in the enquiry and not realising at all, and death coming before I ever realize.

So much love to you,
Raam

Dear Lubo,

How can I be present but not know where I am?

After expressing what is being felt, basically fear and worry, the question where am I located is still being asked.

Every time a "where" is searched for, an image is formed. Some obscure, image of where I might be, in the space that is felt when eyes are closed.

The images keep getting subtle, but it is not longer satisfying to consider that such images could be what/where I am. Or where my presence is felt.

I don't understand that "I am" is boundless. But the suggestion, "maybe this is all appearing in what I am" is being considered but not fully accepted.

I still don't know anything. There's still discomfort about not knowing what I am.

Right now, this is what I feel, Lubo.

Love,
Raam

Hi dear Raam,

Look at this:

At this moment, there's fear of uncertainty in so many ways. A fear of the uncertainty related to getting married and staying unmarried. I'm travelling again currently, there's fear of leaving my parents alone at home. There's a fear of just staying in this space forever in the enquiry and not realising at all, and death coming before I ever realize.

I want to show you exactly how to pass through this!

Connect with your inner, deep eroticism—I mean really deep, where you are genuinely enjoying your erotic desires (whether it's for sex, money, luxury, or whatever is truly juicy for you). feel `Eros, feel your anger...

This power will show you that you are free from the imagined persona suppressed by personal stories and worries for your family. You will see that worry for family doesn't help—but freedom and eroticism do.

I also want to invite you to the 30-Day Awakening Journey where you will engage in deep, day-by-day work with yourself. If you are curious, here is the link:
https://awakeningawakened.com/2025/09/3 ... g-journey/

With Love,
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

I want to show you exactly how to pass through this!

Connect with your inner, deep eroticism—I mean really deep, where you are genuinely enjoying your erotic desires (whether it's for sex, money, luxury, or whatever is truly juicy for you). feel `Eros, feel your anger...

This power will show you that you are free from the imagined persona suppressed by personal stories and worries for your family. You will see that worry for family doesn't help—but freedom and eroticism do.

This is a little hard. Sure, I have sexual desire. I want enough money to not worry about finances, but I cannot consider these as my deepest desires. Maybe sex, but I'm not sure.

If I ask what my deepest desire is, it would be a complete lack of responsibility: a laziness that doesn't get punished. I want to be done with duties and responsibilities: I want to be in a state here I don't have to be careful about what to eat, about not exercising but not have health problems because of that. To be in a state where I don't have to worry about suffering and death. Honestly, I think that's where even the desire for liberation comes in, within the story (there's also a desire to know what's real, but this desire to not worry about death is bigger, I think).

I don't want to do things unwillingly to avoid future scary consequences. But in that case, what would I do? I am not able to pick the deepest erotic desire in this case, Lubo. I'd just relax and be, I guess.

I also want to invite you to the 30-Day Awakening Journey where you will engage in deep, day-by-day work with yourself. If you are curious, here is the link:
https://awakeningawakened.com/2025/09/3 ... g-journey/

I'm definitely interested in attending, Lubo, but November seems to be another hectic month. Thanks so much for sharing. I will go through it in detail.

Love,
Raam

Hi dear Raam,

I have sexual desire. I want enough money to not worry about finances, but I cannot consider these as my deepest desires. Maybe sex, but I'm not sure.

The uncertainty is key. Let's look beyond the act of sex and focus on the fundamental energy: Eros, or Eroticism.

Is it the physical act you love and enjoy, or is it the fundamental Erotic Charge that moves through you?

When you engage in intimacy, allow your awareness to notice the supreme Eroticism—the Vast Space that is enjoying the movement, enjoying the two bodies. The act is being done, but the enjoyment belongs to the Awareness observing it.

For a moment, drop the idea that "I, the persona, am making sex." What remains when the personal identity steps back? You find the raw, innocent, and boundless power of Eros itself.

If I ask what my deepest desire is, it would be a complete lack of responsibility: a laziness that doesn't get punished.

Yes, you are Awareness itself . Your responsibility is just to be present to be focused what you want to happen , to recognise your freedom through erotic desires and shift is happening by itself, freedom is coming by itself.
look around all women and men are in your dream, play with that what you want to happen without indentifaing with the happening itself?
Notice when you interact with women - what is happening when you identify with only your desire-erotic but not with the personality and body?

Love,
Lubo

Hi dear Lubo

The uncertainty is key. Let's look beyond the act of sex and focus on the fundamental energy: Eros, or Eroticism.

Is it the physical act you love and enjoy, or is it the fundamental Erotic Charge that moves through you?

It's definitely the fundamental erotic pleasure that's at the level of my being.

When you engage in intimacy, allow your awareness to notice the supreme Eroticism—the Vast Space that is enjoying the movement, enjoying the two bodies. The act is being done, but the enjoyment belongs to the Awareness observing it.

For a moment, drop the idea that "I, the persona, am making sex." What remains when the personal identity steps back? You find the raw, innocent, and boundless power of Eros itself.

I haven't yet engaged in the intimacy per se, but am using a little of my imagination to feel it. I can feel the pleasure, and it's felt at a very intimate place in my being.

But before I can just stay there, there are questions: attention again looks for a place to focus on to find the pleasure of the place where it is felt. There also seems to be some space, the pleasure seems to not fill up everything because there's perception of the body, of other sensations. And the kind is interpreting these as other interruptions to consciousness.

There is judgement that I need to feel consciousness as everything, as unbound, but it feels like maybe there's some distance between different parts of what I find when I look inside.

Yes, you are Awareness itself . Your responsibility is just to be present to be focused what you want to happen , to recognise your freedom through erotic desires and shift is happening by itself, freedom is coming by itself. look around all women and men are in your dream, play with that what you want to happen without indentifaing with the happening itself?
Notice when you interact with women - what is happening when you identify with only your desire-erotic but not with the personality and body?

Right, Lubo.

Will try this properly again, not bothering about what is happening with the personality, thoughts and body.

Love,
Raam

Hi dear Raam,

But before I can just stay there, there are questions: attention again looks for a place to focus on to find the pleasure of the place where it is felt. There also seems to be some space, the pleasure seems to not fill up everything because there's perception of the body, of other sensations. And the kind is interpreting these as other interruptions to consciousness.

"There also seems to be some space, the pleasure seems to not fill up everything because there's perception of the body, of other sensations. And the kind is interpreting these as other interruptions to consciousness." - Yes. Pleasure is What we are - now notice the shift when "interruptions" are orgasmic waves for the Eros, pleasure we are?

So much Love,
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

"There also seems to be some space, the pleasure seems to not fill up everything because there's perception of the body, of other sensations. And the kind is interpreting these as other interruptions to consciousness." - Yes. Pleasure is What we are - now notice the shift when "interruptions" are orgasmic waves for the Eros, pleasure we are?

I'm struggling to do this. It keeps feeling like there's something which is not me, like there is something in what i find when I close my eyes, which is not one with what i am.

When I try to see, there's immediately a checking to see "okay, which of these feelings am i?" And then I'm just not sure.

Love,
Raam

Dear Lubo,

Pleasure is What we are - now notice the shift when "interruptions" are orgasmic waves for the Eros, pleasure we are?

One reason for struggling to see this could be that in the past couple of weeks, there has been more stress and worry than pleasure, so I've felt a little out of touch with pleasure I guess.

Love,
Raam

Aha, I see Raam,
Stress - Change what is going on with ONLY "Making Love as..."
let's start from this very moment.
Making Love as "reading this txt" - you see that "making Love" points something else not only sex?
making Love as "thinking"
On the work: Making Love as doing something on the computer"
Making love with others as speaking with them
Stress and fear - Making Love with the excitement...
Notice how this shift the perception?
What you are if whatever you found is only what you are making love with?

So much Love,
Lubo

Dear Lubo,

Stress - Change what is going on with ONLY "Making Love as..."
let's start from this very moment.
Making Love as "reading this txt" - you see that "making Love" points something else not only sex?
making Love as "thinking"
On the work: Making Love as doing something on the computer"
Making love with others as speaking with them
Stress and fear - Making Love with the excitement...
Notice how this shift the perception?

For the past few days, I've tried to see myself as being one with the moment, to see that each moment is just making love.

But alongside the experiencing of the moment, there is a very serious thought: "I need to be doing something to realize and I'm not doing that", or "something needs to happen and it's not happening ", and this constantly puts me in a state of restlessness.

I tried experiencing the eroticity of each moment but for some reason that also didn't open anything up in me.

What you are if whatever you found is only what you are making love with?

I'm only able to intellectually see this, Lubo.

I honestly feel stuck.

Love,
Raam