Awakent

[Abner]

Looked at video...tried to subscribe...said I had wrong password..I did not
Tried another email address...again said I had
wrong password
Did the thing where a code is sent to email
put in code...hard to do with phone because you have to leave site to get phone..any way I was able to do it...I said that the code was correct
but could not verify that email address was mine.
I did this two times with different email and still
No good.
Dont understand how to subscribe

[Abner]

What is reaction, how is body feeling?
What do you notice?

Dont understand the question at all.
Watched the video 3 times
Did you mean recognition and not reaction?

I dont know what you mean by recognition
so I am not able to ans your second question

Yesterday was a teriffic day..very good
today...not so good

[Abner]

Sorry I meant to say, I dont know what you mean by "reaction"...I know what you mean by recognition.

[Ilona]

To clarify, what is the answer when you ask, is there a separate self?
What do you get for the answer? How does body react to that question?

[Abner]

Hi

I thought, from the video, that is what you meant.
Are you mad...no "love" at end from you.

To clarify, what is the answer when you ask, is there a separate self?
The answer is no, there is no seperate self.

What do you get for the answer?
The body is silent..I get no answer, but in the
no answer, there is an answer.

How does body react to that question?
It is quiet, while the mind comes up with no answer.

Love

[Ilona]

Great.
Was there ever a separate self?
And how do you see free will and choice? Describe that based on your current experience.

Thanks for the love, sending love back.

[Abner]

Was there ever a separate self?
No there was just the "thought" of one

And how do you see free will and choice?
There is no free will or choice...no choser

Describe that based on your current experience.
Things are happenning, responses are happenning..but there is no one who responds.
My whole life just keeps unfolding*

*Sometimes this is absolutely true, then, sometimes, the seperate
self apears...kind of in and out. When the seperate self is present, I dont see life just happenning.

[Ilona]

When does the separate self appear? And does that appearance point to an actual self that is separate from the whole? Does a story about me, create an actual entity me, that is in charge of a separate piece of life?
Is it ok for the separate self to appear? And what do you mean by separate self? What is it separate from? How do you know that it’s a separate self? Does egoic behaviour require a separate self to happen? ( when kid realises that Santa is not real, but a man dressed up in red clothes, is it ok for the man dressed up in red close appear next Christmas? Does real Santa reappear?)

Here you go, have some questions to play with.


Love.

[Abner]

When does the separate self appear?
I cant say when it apears..I seem to go in and
out. Right now it is here. Yesterday I had a big
problem with my bank and coped extradinarely
well..unlike me! There was no seperate self.
Today I am dealing with a small problem, and I find it hard to cope..like the old me.


And does that appearance point to an actual self that is separate from the whole?
It just feels like me a seperate existing individual.
When you say seperate from the whole, I dont understand that..The "whole" what?

Does a story about me, create an actual entity me, that is in charge of a separate piece of life?
No a story can not create an "actual" entity.
What do you mean by "piece" of life as opposed
to a whole life. Dont understand piece.

Is it ok for the separate self to appear?
No it's not ok...and I'm not happy about it.

And what do you mean by separate self?
A false self that is making decisions, and choices.

What is it separate from?
Seperate from everything instead of being one with things.

How do you know that it’s a separate self?
I know it's seperate because I feel like the thinker and the dooer.

Does egoic behaviour require a separate self to happen?
Sure, the ego needs there to be a seperate self.

( when kid realises that Santa is not real, but a man dressed up in red clothes, is it ok for the man dressed up in red close appear next Christmas?
No its not because Santa has been debunked.
There would have to be something wrong, mentaly, with the kid to allow Santa to return.


Does real Santa reappear?
For sure no..so why did he ( seperate self )
reappear for me??

Much Love

[Abner]

Sorry, I understand what whole means, I just wasnt thinking when I read the question.At the time it just didnt sound right.

[Ilona]

Dear abner. I invite you to read my reply and spend a whole day with the questions. No rush to answer. I want you to investigate in your actual experience and come back to me when you have done that. This is not a quiz of quick answers from the head. These are pointers for you to explore and explore deeply!
So let’s do this. Take your time. Write the answers to all my questions tomorrow. So you can say when this separate self appears and how, because you looked.

Love.

[Abner]

Hi
A few days ago, I felt that I had a tremendous breakthru. Unfortinately, as I had feared, it only lasted for hours. The seperate self was gone-then it was back.
I cant answer questions that you pose, like when does the seperate self appear? That is because I still feel like a seperate self...So the answer would have to be; All the time...it's me. I had a tremendous breakthru with you..but that has left me. I really dont know what to do...give up?...keep going?..
In all these years of searching, and they have been many, I have never, ever had an experience
of "seeing" as I did the other day..I credit you for that.

Love

[Ilona]

Dear abner.
You had an experience, and as all experiences come and go so did this. It’s not that a separate self was gone, but there was a state of openness. There is no separate self to come and go. Like there is no Santa and no no-Santa.

There is no state that sticks, no feeling is permanent. You are expecting for a state to last, but that’s not what happens. The experience happened, it is gone now and there is knowing that remains.

Any and all expectations of what no self should be like or feel like are in the way of seeing what is as it is. It is not what mind expects and as long as there is an idea of how it should be you are looking FOR A LASTING STATE. The invitation is to look AT: There is being. There is knowing. There is being aware - all these words point to the undeniable sense of being. It’s not hidden and it’s not something that comes and goes. Beingness is not a state.

Everything else comes and goes. It’s not your doing. It’s a happening. Sense of separation is not an entity that comes and goes, it’s a sensation that is labelled “me” And you are not a sensation. Sensations come and go. Check this. Is there a permanent sensation? Is there a permanent feeling? Is there a permanent happening?

The question of when does the separate self appear is asking you to look and see that the separate self as an entity in charge does not exist as it is thought to exist. There is sensation that comes and goes. And if it’s not labelled “me” it is a sensation that comes and goes. A muscular contraction, intense feeling and it comes and goes.

Put your attention on that which does not come and go.
What is there underneath all labels?

Love

[Abner]

I like the way you put it "a state of openness"

Is there a permanent sensation?
No, there is not a permanent sensation.
Sensations come and go.

Is there a permanent feeling?
No feelings, come and go changing all the time.


Is there a permanent happening?
No, like feelings, and sensations, they come and
go

What is there underneath all labels?
Life being lived, or happenning from moment to
moment

Love

[Ilona]

Seeing that, is there something else to know?

What do you notice in normal everyday life, that looks different? (Reactions/ responses to what is happening)
Is search still going strong or has it diminished?
If searching is still on, what are you looking for?

Love.