The Gate

… is any of this ‘me’?

There's a warm fuzzy feeling worth investigating.

It resolves to tension under the eyes. Forehead. Lips. Mouth, Cheeks, Tongue. Nostrils.

There's a hurt. Inside of the arm, the chest. Outer left leg. Knee.
Lips and Cheeks.

The sense of control is still really really strong.
Note: What if thinking "I am doing X" causes tension, instead of tension being the result of doing?

Again

… is any of this ‘me’?

Some Form of assumption found. Sensations in face.

Now if the words, and all the labels, fall away… what remains?

Breathing.
Movement of energy.
Tension coming and falling away.
Sight, Sound, tingling.

Looking in order to understand is not looking, it's going immediately into trying to understand. Or something like that. Understanding is keeping from looking somewhat. Checking if something was understood is not looking

There is an image / assumption that all experience sort of happens "in a sphere around me" or something.
Like there's still some distance to everything.
It's interesting and felt together with body sensation (e.g. Nose, eyebrows, temples, cheeks, lips, tongue,inner lips, mouth, tongue again, forehead, chest, cheeks, cheeks, under the eyes, temples, around the eyes, under the eyes, underside of jaw, lips, upper cheeks, chest, cheeks, left chest, sides of torso, hands, fingers, thumbs, around the eyes, face

thought "this is taking everything from me"

butt (hah, unexpected).

It feels like that thought of a "sphere that is. protected from experience" fizzles a little right now.

In contrast the sensation is intimate, sensual in a way.

Still, this sphere thing reconstitutes itself. It's more of an act of focusing to find it again. Does that make sense?

The sense of control is still really really strong.

What is this 'sense' ultimately? How is it known?

Understanding is keeping from looking somewhat. Checking if something was understood is not looking

Yes, we are not interested in what is understood here, only what is seen, now.

There is an image / assumption that all experience sort of happens "in a sphere around me" or something.
Like there's still some distance to everything.

Is there a place that is the boundary? Is it a thought image or a thought?

Lie on your back and relax. Have a look at the ceiling.
There is thought to be a distance between that what is thought to be known as ‘body’ and that what is labelled ‘ceiling’.
Close your eyes. Now focus on the space between body and ceiling.
Take your time, breathe in and out and simply look. Keep the eyes shut.

What do you notice?
Is there a body? Is there a ceiling? Is there a distance?

What is this 'sense' {of controll} ultimately? How is it known?

It's cloudy and fuzzy (oh boy, I know the drill, that's gonna end up being body sensation, oh boy oh boy)

Resolves to being tension of legs, chest, cheeks, sight and unyielding love, "Fernando" playing in the background (this is just advertisement creeping into our chat)
Arms and body and shoulders and

Will continue to rest in this.

Is there a place that is the boundary? Is it a thought image or a thought

Looking for the boundary is powerful stuff.
The thought kind of adapts, but gets quickly much more obvious to be a thought

I will do the exercise, just probably don't have time today, need to start cooking for friends:)

:v

What do you notice?
Is there a body? Is there a ceiling? Is there a distance?

The ceiling disappears the moment I close my eyes.
The space between the body felt the same as the body really. Still does.
Focusing a bit on the distance part instead of that,
Distance is a thought and a tension and somewhat of an assumption, which feels fuzzy and unclear, but when looked at, I feel the body.
Attention is also a thought.

Distance is really assumed everywhere. Wow

Distance is really assumed everywhere. Wow

Yes.

NOW look for the boundary…
Take in everything that is seen, whatever it is. A wall, tree, ‘other person’, let the labels fall away… find the boundary.

NOW look for the boundary…

Boundaries are not what I expected them to be.
Welp, there's the "I feel my face".
There's a relationship in that sentence between I and face, which requires distance as well.

Scary stuff now.

No boundary, 404 not found. Not nice, getting angry here.

You know, I'm commited to bits to this.

I just want to say something that is mean, but somehow honest?

I think you know.

This sucks man, this sucks. And I hate it, I wanna puke. Oh man.

The only way out is through.

Can you give up ownership of the one who is angry, is scared, is gonna puke? Who is in resistance to what is…

To even give up the idea of being committed?

An absolutely insane amount of pain came up yesterday.
I'm really glad about it though. I think it was very old pain. I think this body manages to repress and store it. I think I have seen that one or two times. (Will still go to the doctor, just to be safe). That was so crazy.

Anyway.

Can you give up ownership of the one who is angry, is scared, is gonna puke?

The ownership comes as just tension throughout the face. I can, yeah. Probably :) as it comes up again.

Who is in resistance to what is…

Pinprick in the stomach felt.
Resolves to feeling of legs.
Tension in stomach and face.
Relaxation around the heart.
Secondary thoughts come up ("I can't do that") that also resolve to tension

even give up the idea of being committed?

I'm afraid of that

You are likely right about the pain.
How are you feeling today?

even give up the idea of being committed?

I'm afraid of that

Has there ever been someone in control of action or nonaction, commitment or noncommitment?
Can ‘commitment’ be found moment to moment or only in thought?

How are you feeling today?

Exhausted, but I can nap to my hearts content, so it's a very safe phase to be exhausted.
There's a frustration and a sadness about not seeing, and there's a frustration and a sadness about being exhausted all the time. Probably it's really about neither, and I'm just a bit sad. I feel a bit like dirt really.
The pain of yesterday is toned down a by lot, and it's seems to be coming from slightly different locations as well.

Has there ever been someone in control of action or nonaction, commitment or noncommitment?

Thought can be found about it. Hinting and implying that. And prickling in the body can be found.

Can ‘commitment’ be found moment to moment or only in thought?

Something can be found.
Right now I feel this sensation like an opening, an intensity.
Around the heart, in the (left) jawline. In the breath, under my eyes.
The skin of my face.
It's assumed to be "somewhere" in here. A shiver through the body occurs, and "somewhere" becomes my chest, body and face. Lips and nose. Same old game I guess.
around the chest, around the jaw and so forth.

the assumption, that something is behind, what I am seeing.
Feeling the back of my body now a lot.

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bit of story time, before sending this off.

theres a lot more ongoing inquiery into "who is this implying" "what is this in relation to" going on here since yesterday.