The Gate

Hi Stacy,

I keep looking. I feel I am at a point in this where theoretical reasoning seems quite futile. It is obvious it just leads to more and more thoughts. Everyday life goes on as usual. I see now that what I called the search is just thinking and thinking more, tricking myself into believing I am making some kind of progress.
At the same time there is this thought that says that I have not found what I am seeking. I honestly can not even say (after years and years) exactly what it is I am actually seeking. I think it is peace of mind and clarity. Or just ease of being.
In a sense the search has come to a halt. Without me actually finding anything.

Focus on that. That is the truth.

Ok. I will do that.

Peace please,

James

Thoughts are useless for this inquiry. They always have been & always will be. That's where suffering comes from - thinking & believing thoughts.

Just LOOK.

Peace is found in simply looking here & now.

Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

I see the couch.
I see the keyboard.
I see the glass. Etc.

I hear the train.
I hear the keys clacking.
I hear my breath. Etc.

I feel the couch under my butt.
I feel my fingers on the keys.
I feel the cold air. Etc.

I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.
I taste the coffee.
I taste the food. Etc.

I smell the humidity in the air.
I smell my husband's shampoo.
I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

Loving,

Good evening,

Lots of work at the moment. I try to LOOK in the midst of everyday life. Will post tomorrow.

Peace,

James

That is fine. I appreciate you checking in.

Loving,

Hi Stacy,

There is a feeling here that thought is less important than it used to be. Thoughts go on as usual but they don't seem to drag me in with the same emotional charge. At least not all the time. I think I don't really believe them as much as I used to do. A "why even bother" kind of thing.

Thoughts are useless for this inquiry. They always have been & always will be. That's where suffering comes from - thinking & believing thoughts.

Yes.

I try to be in DE as often as I can.

Peace,

James

Good. There is no goal to look in direct experience 24/7 but it can't hurt.

What happens when you practice the pointer I gave you on Sinday?

Loving,

Hi Stacy,

What happens when you practice the pointer I gave you on Sinday?

Thoughts diminish and goes on in the background. Not constantly though. There are gaps. I feel still and peaceful when doing this exercise.

James

I feel still and peaceful when doing this exercise.

This is a good one to repeat, then.

Loving,

Hi Stacy,

There is a lot going on in my life (as it is for most people I guess) and sometimes thoughts come that say I am not focused enough on the inquiry. At the same time I don't get caught up as much in the same thought-webs and emotional turmoil that I used to.
Last night me and my girlfriend got in a bit of an argument. Nothing overly dramatic, but it caused some not so comfortable emotions. Instead of engaging in the drama I just told her I needed a break and sat down for 20 minutes or so, just letting emotions and sensations play out until they were done.
This settled the whole thing and after that everything moved on smoothly again.
It is very interesting to stay with the sensations without trying to control or change them.

Thank you for guidance.

James

That's good, James.

You can repeat any of the pointers. And of course ButtChair is your go to.

Loving,

Hi Stacy,

I have no idea what to do. And I feel strangely ok with that.
If thinking is a dead end street in the search for truth there is not much I can do, I guess.
Except just let everything be as it is.

James

Hi James,

Continue to look with the ButtChair pointer or any other you like, especially those in the DropBox.

Can you find a separate "self" anywhere?

Loving

Good evening Stacy,

Can you find a separate "self" anywhere?

I can find the contraction in the chest, thoughts claiming to be "me", a general but quite abstract feeling of being a me. But I can not find anything that I can say without doubt and with certainty that this is me, this is the I. So, no, i can not find a separate self.

James

Good.

How does it feel to see this?.

Loving,

How does it feel to see this?.

It still feels as if there is an "I" here somehow. But on closer inspection it cannot be found.
Seeing this feels... less dense.

Peace, James