The Gate

Posted: **Wed May 28, 2025 11:10 pm**

It's late and I wonna go to bed. So I just tried it very quickly, and I am going to answer the first question, now. I will go through the rest tomorrow.

How is the movement controlled?

It's tough not to go to thought. At first, it seemed as if I think "turn" and then the hand turns. But this is an illusion. I had to laugh when I realized this. But what exactly turns the hand is a mystery. For sure, there is the intention to turn the hand at some point. I don't know what intention is, probably also only a thought about the future. This thought about the future does not turn the hand, it does not give the direct impulse or trigger. At some point, a thought came: "I am going to turn the hand very quickly". The hand turned quickly, but significantly later, and there was no noticeable trigger. Also, I didn't decide to think the thought to turn the hand quickly. It just arose.

So to directly answer the question, I don't know. I only know it's not me who controlled it.

Posted: **Thu May 29, 2025 1:08 am**

You're right. It's a mystery. We don't know

Enjoy.

Loving

Posted: **Thu May 29, 2025 5:17 pm**

Does a thought control it?

Posted: **Thu May 29, 2025 5:31 pm**

I am doing this again today, and will address the other questions.

Does a thought control it?

No. It is unrelated to thought. There are thoughts about turning the hand, but these thoughts do not control it.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No. And that is really weird. Because there is a thought: "I am going to turn the hand". And then the hand turns. The perfect illusion. It seems like "I" turned it. But it is not true in the sense that it is not the direct experience. Instead, it is not really noticeable what turned the hand.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

Ok, I have written it in the previous post already. It is mysterious. In the direct experience, there is nothing found about how the decision to turn the hand over is made. No matter how closely I observe. Btw. the "I" that is observing is also not found. But the feeling of having a "self" is still there.

Not done, yet.

Posted: **Thu May 29, 2025 6:27 pm**

This so-called "sense of self" is a Thought Arising plus Sensation of a contraction, the lie feeling.

Can you see that?

Explore ‘Sense of Self'

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

Loving

Posted: **Thu May 29, 2025 10:41 pm**

This so-called "sense of self" is a Thought Arising plus Sensation of a contraction, the lie feeling.

Can you see that?

Not 100% sure. Maybe. It's a heavy feeling, I think.

Does the sense of self have a location?

Chest, I would say.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Ok, not sure about this. It's not that I am feeling this with 100% certainty. But this would be my best answer: Can't feel the shape. Size is so that it fits in my upper body. It doesn't extend outside my body.

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

It doesn't want to be let go, because it feels so familiar. It doesn't want to be let got, because without having a self, what ever is left is unknown. This is scary.

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

I don't know. Those thoughts arose when I did the inquiry. They could be garbage.

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

Mostly familiarity.

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

It's a sensation plus a thought.

What is found?

The usual process, of looking for the self. Going through all the senses. Hearing, taste, smell, seeing, no self there. Then body sensations, somehow it seems like I am feeling them. Very hard to pinpoint.

Not done, yet.

Posted: **Thu May 29, 2025 10:52 pm**

Okay, good. Yes, keep looking.

a heavy feeling, I think.

Right. The lie feeling. Please review that pointer.

Loving,

Posted: **Sat May 31, 2025 9:37 pm**

There was so much going on yesterday and today that I hadn't had the chance to write sooner.

Despite all the activity, I still try to look for the "self" in the direct experiences constantly. Very often I find myself lost in thought after a short time. And this lost-in-thoughts goes on for longer periods of time until I suddenly realize it. And then off again. Meanwhile, I sense this heavy feeling, that you called the lie feeling, and it could be frustration, too, or instead.

Noticing more "I" labels now. (Actually, the previous paragraph is full of it) Seeing those thoughts about "I" makes them disappear, but then there is always another one. I noticed that I often try to push them away, but instead I should let them be. Because the fact they arise is just part of reality, no need to push or pull on it. Haha, writing down my thoughts about thoughts.

I thought about the lie pointer. But when I try to think of a situation where I lied, nothing comes up, which is weird given the amount of times I most certainly must have lied recently. Going to try to be aware and catch one in real time, maybe.

Still doing butt chair. Not done.

Posted: **Sat May 31, 2025 9:59 pm**

Hi,

Frustration is a form of lie. You are arguing with how things are, wanting them different & they're not. You haven't settled into "Loving What Is." You might read Byron Katie's book with that title. It will help you question the lying thoughts.

You're practicing well.

ButtChair is good. It is your go-to.

the fact they arise is just part of reality, no need to push or pull on it.

Yes. Good noticing.

Have you seen these?

Watch these, please:

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

This is just a beginning.

Loving,

Posted: **Sun Jun 01, 2025 9:09 pm**

I have ordered the printed version of the book, and it should arrive in a couple of days.

I watched the videos. Those moments of clearly seeing that there is no self were so brief, and falling-like feelings didn't come up.

Last night, I had to go to the bathroom a couple of times. The moment I am awake, I start to look for the "I". It's still there, always.

Today was demanding. A lot of things to do that were left undone during the week when I had to work. My daughter had an episode of who knows what, an emotional melt-down. And I had to take care of her, calm her down. It took a long time. We took a walk and had ice cream. (We are looking for a therapist for her). Then more house-work. Then a yoga class. Back home, dinner, read a book with the kids, get them ready for bed.

I felt I was caught up in thoughts the whole day and couldn't get out of it. Just now I did 15 min of sitting on a bench with the intention of practicing but-chair. But my mind wondered almost the whole time.

Posted: **Mon Jun 02, 2025 12:25 pm**

That's okay. At least you're being aware.

I start to look for the "I". It's still there, always.

Impossible. There's no such thing. The *thought* story may be there, but nothing is there. Try this:

Explore ‘Sense of Self’

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

Loving

Posted: **Mon Jun 02, 2025 10:14 pm**

Impossible. There's no such thing. The *thought* story may be there, but nothing is there

I know, but I don't FEEL or SEE it.

Does the sense of self have a location?

Don't know if it is the sense of self itself or the feeling I have when I notice that I feel like a separate self. Maybe it does not matter.

It's in the chest, until the beginning of the throat.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Not really. It feels like it is within the body. Oh, it changes, too. There was a brief notion that this feeling is above me.

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

I don't know. It can't communicate through direct experience. Should I consider contents of thoughts that come up?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

I didn't consider thoughts this time.

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

It's a bit heavy, a light pressure, similar to the feeling of sadness. Or it's like a cloud, or a resistance, an imaginary wall that is pressing against me.

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

No image, no sound, no taste, no smell.

If anything, a sensation + a thought.

What is found?

When I look in direct experiences for the self and there are moments of very little or no thoughts. I feel peaceful, and light. But noticing that "I feel" is already interfering with the experience. I don't know, it's kind of that I expect that it would suddenly not feel like that anymore, that "I am feeling" something, that it would change to feelings, sensations etc. are happening. But instead, this illusion of "I" just sticks.

Stacy, I would like to mention, that I appreciate it very much and that I am very grateful that you have the patience to guide me. It must be frustrating, sometimes. Thank you!

Posted: **Tue Jun 03, 2025 12:57 am**

You're welcome. You're doing fine.

a sensation + a thought.

Exactly right. And the Sensation? It's tight. Isn't it?

That's the lie feeling. (You've been testing that, right?)

Just relax & keep looking.

feel peaceful, and light.

Yes! That's the truth feeling! No "self."

Keep looking.

Listen to the Introduction & then report after you do each one.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ksba3zhi9uuz ... hsk1a?dl=0

Loving,

Posted: **Tue Jun 03, 2025 9:13 pm**

Exactly right. And the Sensation? It's tight. Isn't it?

That's the lie feeling. (You've been testing that, right?)

I intended to pay attention if a situation arises where this feeling comes up. I somehow missed any. So, not yet 100% obvious to me. Will continue.

Listen to the Introduction & then report after you do each one.

Haven't had a chance, yet. Please bear with me.

Posted: **Tue Jun 03, 2025 9:15 pm**

In your own time.

Loving,

The Gate

Becoming No One

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