a request for guidance

[yeaabuoy]

Thank you for checking in.

This is about being "wrong."

https://www.liberationunleashed.com/res ... ar-seeker/

And please watch this brief video:

https://youtu.be/wyNwhK2Ur1c?si=TZwuFEst-7Hsadpu

Hello;

Thank you for the links. For the article on being wrong, I do feel an initial aversion to being wrong about things but in this case, being wrong opens the possibility of a situation with less unnecessary suffering. So there is little aversion to being wrong here. As for “just looking” as the main pointer, that’s what I have been striving to do and continue to do so— it sounds like until “I” disappear and the looking is all that’s left, there is still more looking to do. And so, it continues.

As for the youtube link, I watched that one before and this was the response I had posted:
“I watched the video. [I do think I have the desire to know the truth, but I also recall having a strong aversion to being wrong from a young age. I also think I am able to look beyond thought to direct experience, though you may be a better judge of that.]”

And so, I just keep showing up and looking, and waiting, until “the I” disappears. It feels like that’s all “I” can do.

[Anastacia42]

“the I” disappears

Did Santa Claus disappear?

Even better, did unicorns disappear?

No. Why?

Because they were never there!

There is no "I" to disappear. It didn't entry exist in the first place. Look! where is it? Nowhere.

Have you done this? Even if you have, take another look, please.

Explore ‘Sense of Self’

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

LOOK. What do they point to? [/color]

Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

Does the sense of self have a location?

Not sure. Tempted to say "no" because it seems like that would be the right answer.
In fact, what I take to be the sense of self seems to be located behind my eyes/nose/face.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Perhaps the size/shape of my visual field.

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

Currently, it does not.

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

Feelings of guilt/responsibility/shame/seeking/doubt.

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

Thoughts and maybe a hint of sensation.

What is found?

Just experience. And doubt thoughts.


The "self" seems like phantom limb sensation, experienced when one is half asleep. If I could fully "wake up," I could see clearly that the limb is no longer there, but I am having trouble doing that and seeing clearly.

I can see that there is no "self" directing/owning/choosing experiences but then what is experiencing the experience? If one stops identifying with the "self" but starts identifying with the passive "observer/experiencer" of the experience that remains, is that a problem?

[Anastacia42]

Good morning

There's *already* no self.

Feelings of guilt/ responsibility/ shame/ seeking/ doubt.

None of the words you listed are body Sensation, are they? So, if they're not Sensations, what are they?

Any feelings of contraction are what? We've looked at this.

Thoughts

That's right. Sense of self is nothing but a thought
Not real. Not Direct Experience. LOOK You can see that.
Any "hint of Sensation " is tight, a contraction. so what is that?

It's kind of like a phantom limb, maybe. Yes.

Stop trying to explain it. You can't. It just IS. Let it be a complete mystery!

Wake up.

starts identifying with the passive "observer/ experiencer" of the experience that remains, is that a problem?

It is just making up some other kind of "self." Why do that? Let that be & don't *identify* with anything. See what happens.

Please quote & answer each question after meditating on it.

Loving

[yeaabuoy]

None of the words you listed are body Sensation, are they? So, if they're not Sensations, what are they?

Any feelings of contraction are what?

Any "hint of Sensation " is tight, a contraction. so what is that?

Guilt, doubt, etc, are thoughts.
Feelings of contraction would mostly be body sensations, I believe. In my case, often mixed with thought to form a feeling/emotion.

So what is aware of these thoughts/sensations/experience? Thought creates an "I" as a character to "own" the experience. If we are saying this character does not exist, how is it experienced at all? How does one/anyone/anything access this experience? I am not sure how to look at/for this.

[Anastacia42]

If we are saying this character does not exist, how is it experienced at all? How does one/anyone/anything access this experience? I am not sure how to look at/for this.

We do not know. We cannot know. In all of human history, no one has ever answered this question, but many have let it go and found the complete peace of surrender.

It is a complete mystery. Sink into the mystery. Enjoy that.

These questions and doubts are stressful, as they are based in the lie of a "self."

Just LOOK. This is LOOK and see that you cannot find. It is the opposite of what you've been doing wrong your whole life.

Much love,

[yeaabuoy]

If we are saying this character does not exist, how is it experienced at all? How does one/anyone/anything access this experience? I am not sure how to look at/for this.

We do not know. We cannot know. In all of human history, no one has ever answered this question, but many have let it go and found the complete peace of surrender.

It is a complete mystery. Sink into the mystery. Enjoy that.

These questions and doubts are stressful, as they are based in the lie of a "self."

Just LOOK. This is LOOK and see that you cannot find. It is the opposite of what you've been doing wrong your whole life.

Thank you. I sense the wisdom in what you are saying. I have some difficulty with the looking, knowing, and then staying with the knowing. It feels a bit pressurized at the moment. I may take today to relax a bit and get absorbed into the flow of things, while also maintaining an orientation towards the truth. Let me know if there is anything else you think I should be doing.

[Anastacia42]

Good. I agree with you taking a day to relax.

You only have one thing to do and that is to look Everything I've given you can be repeated.

This is not about right answers; this is about practice and relaxing.

[yeaabuoy]

Hello;

Just checking in. Meditated a lot, near the end of the day there was a lot of frustrated seeking energy. Today, I’ve mostly been busy with childcare but feel less reactivity. Still need to finish gateless gatecrashers and then I may start working through questions/exercises from the beginning of this thread. I recognize these plans as planning/seeking thoughts but am orienting towards being patient and accepting of the seeking energy that still frequently arises.

Hope you are well!

[Anastacia42]

Thank you for checking in.

Yes. Relax. Keep looking.

Sure, you can start from the beginning if that's what is arising to do.

Much love

[yeaabuoy]

Hello;

Wanted to check in. Have been gravitating more towards self-inquiry lately. For instance, noticing the sensation of butt-chair and then shifting awareness to examine "who" or "what" is noticing the sensation. I finished Gateless Gatecrashers. Trying to relax and look but often find myself lost in thought, doubt, boredom, other responsibilities. Whenever I notice I am lost, I return attention to the body sensations of breathing, sitting or hearing, and then move attention to "who" is noticing the sensation/senses. Let me know if you have any other suggestions.

Hope all is well with you

[Anastacia42]

Sounds fine.

Try these. Be sure to listen to the introduction.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/k1ph01pt ... 8o5xq&dl=0

Much love,

[yeaabuoy]

Sounds fine.

Try these. Be sure to listen to the introduction.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/k1ph01pt ... 8o5xq&dl=0

Hello! It's been awhile, so I thought I would check in. Thank you for the meditations you sent, I just finished listening to all of them. Home life has been a bit tumultuous with my toddlers (they are having difficulties with sleep). Still meditating on sensation, attending meditation groups, and have been listening to guided meditations at night to fall asleep. Lasting or revelatory insights have remained elusive but "I" remain oriented towards practice/looking however I can.

Thanks,
Ray

[Anastacia42]

Hi ray I did ask that you check in every day or maybe every other day.

It helps you keep the momentum going

You say you did the meditations but you haven't told me anything about your direct experience when you did please re-read the instructions in colored socks.

Loving,

[yeaabuoy]

Ah OK, I don't mind checking in every day or every other day. For some reason, I thought you wanted me to listen to all the meditations and then get back to you. My mistake. There were 10 or 11 meditations in the file you sent me, was there a particular one you want me to talk about? I may have to re-do them, which is no problem.