The Gate

I can’t do it. I’ve tried, planned to do it but no. It’s been 5 months, I did not forget or disappear.

So you've had it shown clearly - in your face - that you're not doing it and that you're not in control.
Right?

You could say so.

Artur, listen carefully.

You didn’t forget. You didn’t quit.
You failed to do the exercise because you can’t.
That was the exercise.

And you passed it.

Five months of silence. Thought said “I should do it.”
But no “you” ever did it.

Why?

Because there’s no one there to do anything.

That’s not theory. It’s what the past five months have proved.
Over and over. Quietly. In your bones.

So now answer directly:

👉 Is there a “you” that decides anything—ever?
👉 Was there ever?

Look now. No spiritual talk. No dodging.
Just the raw, simple truth.

Let’s have it.

There was a decision to make a commitment and hope that I would succeed greatly but I can’t say that there’s no me to make a decision. There were decisions “I’ll start tomorrow”.

Artur,

You say:

There was a decision to make a commitment…

Look again.
What actually happened?

A thought appeared:
“I’ll start tomorrow.”
Then maybe a little emotional buzz.
Then another thought. Then doing or not doing.

Where’s the decider?

Was there any moment—any actual moment—where something chose that thought to appear?

Or did the thought “I’ll start tomorrow” just… happen?

What makes you say that thought was a decision, and not just another thought?

Don’t answer yet.

Stop.
Wait for the next thought to arise.

Watch.

Did you choose it?

Where is this “me” that makes decisions?
Don’t go to memory. Don’t go to language.
Look now. Is it here?

Don’t protect the illusion.

Say what you see NOW.

There are no decisions, it is just continuous thoughts. I don’t choose them. I don’t know what I will do in 5minutes or what I will think but it will probably be about going to my grandmother because that’s what I am thinking now.

There are no decisions, it is just continuous thoughts. I don’t choose them. I don’t know what I will do in 5minutes or what I will think but it will probably be about going to my grandmother because that’s what I am thinking now.

I lied down on the sofa because my head felt dizzy.

Artur,

You just said it:

There are no decisions.

I don’t choose thoughts.

So now—where is the “you” at all?

Not just decision-making—everything. Movement. Feeling. Speaking. Thinking.

You lied down on the sofa. Dizzy head.
Was there a “you” that decided that?

Or did that just happen too?

Look around right now. Look at the room.
Feel your body. Hear whatever sounds are happening.

Did you cause any of this?

Or is life just… happening?

Don’t reach for words. Let the silence speak.

Right now—is there a self anywhere in this?

Be ruthless. Be exact.

Say it.

I don’t know what to say. There seems to be some conflict about all of this.

Now stay exactly there.
Don’t talk your way out of it.
Don’t go looking for peace.

This “conflict” you feel—
where is it, exactly?

Look. Not the story about it. Not “why” or “how.”
Feel it.

Where is it happening?
In the chest? The gut? The throat?

Describe the raw sensation—not the drama about what it means.

Now this:

Who is in conflict?
Can you find him?
Or are there just thoughts, feelings, and labels dancing around trying to create a someone?

Drop the idea of conflict.
What’s actually happening right now?

Stay here.
Say what you find.

The conflict is in thoughts. I had some sensation in soles of my feet and light feeling in head. It’s just that I do not know what to think, if I can say so since I am not doing the thinking.

Good.

So: itchy thoughts, light-headed feet, and no thinker to be found.

Exactly.

You don’t know what to think—
because you’re not the one thinking.

You never were.

Thoughts happen.
Sensations happen.
Even the sentence “I don’t know what to think” is just another thought—appearing like an itch. Harmless. Meaningless. Just there.

So here’s the real question:

If you’re not doing the thinking… then what’s the “I” for?
What’s it still trying to manage?
What’s it trying to figure out?

Look.

Right now:
Who is confused?

Don’t answer from the head.
Don’t guess.

Just look directly.
Where is the confused one?

Is he in your foot?
In your brainstem?
Hiding behind your balls?

Say it.

There is no I.

There is no I.