1)
Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, and there never was. ‘Self, me, I’ are thought content which is not reality.
2) Describe how the illusion of an independent, self came into being by giving examples from actual experience.
I have no memories of a time before the illusion of self came into being.
Then give some experiential examples of how life changed for you after seeing through this illusion.
I see how my whole life i have lived with “virtual reality”goggles on. These goggles keep me asleep in a fantasy world so much that I am unable to remember a lot of actual childhood experiences. But I do remember the fantasies I would engage in to avoid experience. I suspect I retreated into fantasy because of trauma. I may not retreat into fantasy like I used to but I can clearly see that those VR goggles are still on and they don’t come off but now I am awake and I KNOW. I can see how I relate to others through the goggles. I am now questioning all my beliefs and opinions. I am questioning all experiences - ‘am I actually experiencing or am I fantasizing about what I’m experiencing’? I clearly see that I have not been relating to other people directly, I project my fantasies onto them. For example, when my now husband and I first dated he was ‘so handsome, considerate, just what I needed’. Now he’s ‘an inconsiderate slob and a man-child’. Neither of these opinions are true! They’re just fantasies I projected onto him! Who is he without these thoughts?
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days
.
Before I was confused about the difference between DE and thought content. Now I truly understand the difference Before I suspected that ‘self’, ‘i’, ’me’ were just thought content but was skeptical. Now I am sure because I can see it. There is a feeling of freedom from the tyranny of thought and a certainty about where my attention has to be to deepen awakening.
4) Can you remember any specific inquiry that resulted in an epiphany? ..a before and after seeing the actuality of the Self. Was there a point when you ‘got it’?
Your description of direct experience vs. thought content was very helpful. The body awareness exercises showed me how ‘entangled’ DE and thought content are. The stream description helped with understanding free will and control. I’d say there were a bunch of little ‘got its’ that built upon each other. Before your guidance I conceptually understood no self but didn’t know how to use DE to confirm. And, honestly, I needed your validation because I didn’t trust my intuition nor my own experience. Now I trust.
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how these things happen and how they work.
My experience tells me there’s no me that does any of these things. And in my experience it sure feels like these things are happening or being ‘done’. Sometimes there’s a correlation between a decision that’s made and an outcome but I can’t know if correlation equals causation I only have my experience, I can’t go ‘outside’ my experience to see the big picture, everything is my experience. It may be countless prior and present conditions and conditioning of the subconscious but how can anybody possibly know? I’m fine with the mystery because there’s no other choice. I don’t know how it works and what a relief that not knowing is!
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
‘I’ am responsible for everything and there’s no ‘I’. But “I” am also not to blame. Shit happens, there’s response and adaptation and there’s love and there’s only experience, an opening in the chest. I can’t explain it - it sounds all jumbled but that’s where I’m at right now.
6) Anything to add?
I’m not sleeping well these past couple of weeks. My life is noisy and busy with immediate family and grandkids so apparently the middle of the night is the best time for all my shit to present itself. It’s all good, I’m sorting out the thoughts, feelings, and sensations - lots of anxiety, sadness, and also excitement. Feeling into the body and questioning thoughts