Unfulfilled expectations?
Perhaps wishes, not expectations. Wish that the tendency to identify as a separate self would vanish, or at least diminish. Wish that triggers would be fewer or less powerful.
I suppose wishes must be fabrications of the mind.
All emotions, sensations and thoughts just arise spontaneously.
These expectations will never be fulfilled. Hmmm. I've been working with just accepting that nothing is better than anything else. From this perspective, having wishes that are unfulfilled is no better or worse than not having unfulfilled wishes. And from this perspective, why have wishes at all? Clearly, ego still believes this is better than that. Ego still has wishes. Awareness, true self, knows that nothing is better than just this.
Good looking!
Now, it is not that unhelpful beliefs cannot be seen through more, or that unhelpful reactions can't be let go of more. It is that none of this indicate a separate self. After this is seen clearly, a process continues of seeing through and letting go of unhelpful patterns, alone and with others (conventionally speaking). Preferences and hopes don't go away and don't need to. First step is to see clearly all this happens by itself. After we will talk about how ongoing natural further clarification can continue.
Please watch this video:
https://youtu.be/z2g4qaDGpTU?si=wwDMLnZ-X2N-ZRXc
Then do this exercise:
Explore ‘Sense of Self’
Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken. This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.
Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it.
Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:-
Does the sense of self have a location?
Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?
Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?
If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?
Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?
What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?
