No, never.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There used to be the thought of ‘I’, who was born into a body, given a name, exposed to the environment, ideas of being an individual, with lots of other separate individuals around, values of that culture… with a lot of expectations to fit in, to adapt, and for that to be the unquestioned reality … and all the beliefs and thoughts that tethered that ‘separate self’ to that identity. In my initial work for the Gate I mentioned special relationships, soooo much apparent tethering, thoughts of obligation and compromise. All just thoughts, illusion of separation… ’Special’ seems to be a significant thought that pulls the idea of an ‘I’ into limit.2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Increasingly spotting thoughts and beliefs and handing them over… awareness that memories are tetherers to the individual separate self and need to be let go... an everyday example, I just looked at a fav vase I bought in Florida… just a thought from my apparent past, has nowt to do with the direct experience of vase
Liberating! Feel clarity and huge simplifying, as struggles and conflicts were/are just thoughts being believed… never truth. They arise, sometimes what also arises is the noticing that they need to be looked at. Sometimes there's a sitting in the fire and burn them off but ultimately a knowing they are not real. Starting to feel more expanded and in flow. Had an afternoon of peace today, home alone ... but never alone now.3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
I’ve been sitting with these questions for a few days now … mulling them over, slowly answering them, and seeing there was some resistance that I couldn’t name then one of my ACIM guides asked me if i’d done Rules for Decisions that day … that has been my final push… there is no me to make any decision by ‘myself’ ever … call it what you will, God, Unconditional Love, Allah, Buddha mind etc ... Extremely important for me to have found that connection, not as a 'thought' but as the oneness of love that 'I' am one with4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Spent so many years knowing that I was some adapted self and had discomfort with that, like it was a flaw … that recurring thought had more under it, ie was so adapted that even self was a construct! I find this really funny now!
The other ‘push’ is letting go of planning life and life just keeps happening… when ‘I’ step out of the way there’s a deeper Trust that all that is happening is perfect… the invitations arrive, work offers arrive, moments listening to leaves blowing in the trees happen … It’s all here Now. All that nonsense pressure to ‘make things happen’ was a narrative overlaying life.
There is no decision… Whatever arises is just happening … even if it seems challenging then that’s the perfection to see where a belief is tethering the ego identity. Decision is just thought and that has no affect on what is.5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Intention implies the idea that experience or change could be directed, chosen… that’s just a thought. There is no separate individual deciding. ‘I’ spent lots of ‘time’ with intention prior to now … It was a dream in a dream, didn't affect the moment, didn't make anything happen.Describe intention & give examples from experience.
There is no free will. There are no examples to give. There may well be sensations that seem to guide ‘choice’ but they are just happening as well…. no choice made for them to happen. The most I could say is that feeling resistance is a guide to noticing when out of flow. And feeling lightness and joy are noticing flow. ...Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Have seen so much that choosing to 'make things happen' makes no difference to whether they do or don’t ... ie choice doesn't make a difference. eg, Although I say that i’m not planning I just bought a ticket for a show next week; that doesn’t mean that the show will happen or I’ll be there. Another example, 'choices on how my daughter has been raised' ... I didn't make them, maybe there was some 'body yes', 'body no' rudder through sensation, but there was no choice on choosing sensation, who was met, the books that arrived, the accumulation of information, friends, struggles, joys etc.Describe choice & give examples from experience.
.Describe control & give examples from experience
There's no self controlling, just thoughts. There are ego thoughts and beliefs that create the idea of separation and all the pain and rigid thinking, that goes with it. Like when the idea to force fast palm flipping happened, there was sensation of tension… a microcosm of the error of control... still just coming from thought or belief.
There's isness ... Life is happening ...What makes things happen? How does it work?
To feel in the flow of 'now awareness' to sit with sensations that arise and examine beliefs and their limitations if they arise, but nothing needs fixing. What’s happening is just what’s happening. From much undoing of projections and beliefs getting better sense when ego 'I' has popped in for dance of illusion as feel unhappy or unsettled. Noticing that seems to make a difference to 'now'What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?
Dropping into the mystery... Annabel is a label, 'I' is a thought, awareness is happening, ego death throes being ninjad out.
Thank you Stacy ❤️
