The Gate

Oh gosh you've just nailed it! They aren't 'my' opinions they are just thoughts occurring that awareness witnesses!

And it is also just a narrative, that doesn't mean "I' am doing anything, it means story being observed and then attached to an imagined self 🚀🚀🚀

Hi Emma

. Oh gosh you've just nailed it! They aren't 'my' opinions they are just thoughts occurring that awareness witnesses!

In reality is line even found between what is observed and observing itself?

. And it is also just a narrative, that doesn't mean "I' am doing anything, it means story being observed and then attached to an imagined self 🚀🚀🚀

Story is appearing. To whom or what is it appearing? To whom or what could it be "attached"? 😊😊😊

OK, now it's getting tricky 😂 give me a moment to sit on this one 😉

Haha! Let me know how it goes 😊

Hey John! I've been away for a few days for my anniversary with my apparent partner 😂

Very interesting experience with looking at driving today. I was very aware of how much It was just happening. I remembered a fact about how we apparently make tens of thousands of decisions in a day and I was like, there is not a single decision being made here! 'I' am literally watching 'me' drive'. It was so funny! Moving left to right, indicating, seemingly following a map. There was absolutely no 'me', doing that! It was just happening. And being observed.

I

n reality is line even found between what is observed and observing itself?

No, driving experience today was great for this. The term 'happening' just keeps coming to me. No-one was observing driving, driving was happening and awareness was aware.

tory is appearing. To whom or what is it appearing? To whom or what could it be "attached"?

Well, I have two answers for this. When really seated in awareness, story appears and awareness is aware. When stuck in character, being Emma, story arises to Emma and all the stuff that has supposedly happened 'to me', and then there can be a million different attachments to the story of Emma. Is what's happening unfair, unpleasant, fun, pleasure, painful? That's all dependent on believing I am the character of Emma and knowing her past. Story can appear and fade in a moment when it is purely observed by awareness as just happening. There is no one in here, looking out! Awareness is in fact outside of the 'body', watching the 'body' and the story of Emma and all the apparent others.

Hi Emma

Lovely to read about the driving experience. Excellent!


I think it's time to ask you some questions that we always ask around this point. There are six of of these and they often help to clarify things.

If you're ready I'll send them? Feel free to answer three at a time if you'd prefer.

:-)

Jon

Yes please!

Ok Emma

Here goes!

Just a note about these questions. They are fairly thorough and exhaustive questions designed to help. The best way to approach them is as you approached the driving a couple of days ago. Check with actual experience rather than trying to answer through thinking a lot. If any of these questions seem problematic of course we can look and revisit them after a little more investigation.

If there's any doubt about the first question stop there and let me know before going on.

Feel free to answer these in more than one reply, if that would help.


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

All the best 😊

Jon

Just back from a deep dive in Belgium, apparently, where there was a real look at the illusion so it's great timing to do this.

Leave it with me...

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There was a very deep sense of a separate self. A personality, a body, a character. There was apparently a past. I literally have absolutely no way of knowing that this is true as there is only now. I can't even understand what 'yesterday' is right now. Time seems to have completely stopped making sense. Like, if I'm a 'me', what does that mean? Is it the 'me' when I was apparently a kid? I don't have the same body. Or it was the 'me' that was in Belgium and now 'I'm' not in Belgium. Or when 'I' used to DJ but now 'I' dont. Take away all the things that supposedly created the 'me' and there is the same awareness that has always been and is changeless. There is no separate entity because if there was, what is it that's aware of that? It would be so blended that it would be the 'me' and there would be nothing to question what that 'me' is. Thoughts and emotions and experiences make it seem that 'Emma' is having them, but awareness of those things is actually all there is. I was just driving and again it was like, 'wooaaaahhh this is just happening, there is no 'I' doing anything of this!

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of the separate self is that all the apparent others that we see, are individuals with their own lives. That they make decisions, they have full autonomy and control of their 'lives'. They can make mistakes, do good things, do bad things, hurt people, help people, they can suffer and die. Their actions are causal and affect 'others' as well as 'themselves'. There are literally apparently billions of these separate selves, living their own lives, in charge of their own lives.

The concept of being a separate self started as a 'child', although I don't actually know if that even happened (the past is really challenged now). There were apparent learnings of what made 'me' separate. 'Emma' was a tomboy, apparently intelligent, very different to my 'sibling'. I had a mum and a dad and an extended family. I had friends, I had hobbies, I had experiences that felt were because of decisions "I' made. I had my own facial features, I was tall, slim, I could go on and on and on. All of these descriptive words made me extremely separate. This works because I had no idea that this was just all unfolding. Thoughts made it seem like there was an 'I' making decisions and beliefs made it seem like the world was very causal.

As I see it now, this entire experience is an illusion. Awareness has literally watched 'time and space', bend over the last few weeks. Dropping deeper into awareness and seeing how what's unfolding can shift. Really seeing how much there is absolutely no say whatsoever on what thoughts appear or where 'I' end up. Just how much decisions aren't being made at all but that awareness can be brought in further, rather than caught up in the unconscious. Thoughts may be believed and that makes it appear that decisions are made, mistakes are made, inventions are invented, problems are solved, but it's just happening! Whilst on the plane to Belgium and then landing in apparent Belgium, it was like, OK, how the fuck did that even happen? Just stuff that was autopilot before, sitting right back, far enough to watch it play out. Emma cannot do that because Emma is apparently the one doing those things, so how can she watch them?

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

The last few days in particular this has heavily dropped in. Time being a big one. There is literally only now and there is no way to experience anything else! So how on earth is there anyway to know about anything else? Planning has completely stopped, as this is just more thought and belief that "I" am controlling anything. Plane journeys, driving, travelling in general, they have all being excellent at highlighting the 'just happening-ness' of it all. Even sat here typing! I've just sat back and dropped in to awareness and it's like, how am "I' even typing? 😂 I just picked up my phone and put it down, no decision was made whatsoever, it was purely observed.

There was some intellectualisation of this understanding happening before starting this dialogue but it was purely that, some kind of understanding of a possibility, it wasn't through much experiential exploration. Really challenging concepts is what has made this drop so much further. Emma had apparently read the untethered soul years ago and it apparently made sense back then. Reading it again recently and it's just a total other level of understanding. Because awareness is aware and not Emma thinking she is reading it and understanding it with her apparent brain.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Time! Really seeing that time isn't real. There is no past or future this is purely a concept. There is now and that's it!

Also a real seeing that NOTHING is happening. It's so clear now how much thoughts and concepts and descriptions have made the illusion seem real and without believing everything thoughts say and letting them past through and watching what happens, nothing is happening! Challenging everything that is taking as a given!

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Intention is merely a belief that a thought created an outcome, or had a desired outcome that did not come to fruition. Either way, it infers that a separate self made a decision to do something for a particular 'reason'.
Example - I have decided not to drink alcohol tonight - I didnt drink means I achieved this and I did drink means I failed - there have been many occasions where I intended not to drink alcohol and then alcohol happened. Then there was guilt because I believed I had failed because I had set my intention. I have set an intention to be calm when I see my mum who I believed triggered me. Then I would see her and apparently be impatient then again feel guilty. No matter how hard I tried to see through these apparent intentions, they didn't happen!

The inference is that a separate self gets to decide what their intention is but also that somehow despite the intention, something else can be the outcome. 'His intentions were good though'. Because the intention didnt get the desired outcome. This to me really shows that there is no control over what's unfolding.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Free will is a concept that means that us as apparent separate selves get to do whatever we decide and subsequently we can make good or bad decisions. Again, we are free to make decisions about our experiences, we are controlling what happens.
Example - I decided to go for a run - I didn't go for a run. I decided I wanted to stay and watch a movie and I ended up going for a cycle.The other away around, I had a shower and looked down and I was shaving my legs and I know for a fact I had not decided to shave my legs! This was such a funny one and a big turning point.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Choice is the appearance of free will being real. There is a belief that the separate self gets to choose between red and white wine, choose what clothes "I' wear, what "I" eat, what to watch on TV. There appears to be many separate things to choose between and there is a belief in preferences as a result. From experience, it appears 'I" chose my partner and to move to the Isle of Man to be with her. To buy a boxer dog, to buy a chihuahua, to go to Thailand, what 'I' just ordered for my lunch and in which restaurant. A real question to ask is, who is apparently making those choices and how does that happen? How is it that sometimes it is very noticeable that it's just happened and others there appears to be thoughts which make it seem like there was some kind of deliberation? And if there is deliberation how is there something else witnessing that apparent process? Choice seems very real until it is really looked at and challenged.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

Again, this is a concept which makes it appear that the self has autonomy. 'I' want to shout in an argument but 'I' exert control and refrain. On another occasion 'I' will shout. Where has the control gone? Why is it ever changing if it's something 'we' have all the time? 'I' wont have a dessert because "I'm" on a diet, and then dessert happens. It is perceived there has been a lack of control where in fact there was a thought observed saying don't have a dessert and dessert happened anyway because there is no control, only what unfolds to awareness. If there was really control why is it so unstable and apparently inconsistent?

What makes things happen? How does it work?

Things are just happening. This was character "Emma's" experience of being a separate self. I guess it feels like a software program. It has an apparent timeline and story but no decisions were made. How many times do 'we' apparently believe we could have, should have done and differently and wonder why we couldn't? Because there was no way for it to be any different whilst unconsciously going around playing the game believing you are the character and that you are in control.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

It seems that the only responsibility is to choose between believing the unfolding events are created by and happening to a separate self, to keep the character, or to sit back in awareness and watch what appears to be happening, knowing that awareness is simply aware of what appears to be. Thoughts come and go and are not intentionally created by a brain or a mind or a person, or whatever it may appear to be. Events happen without decisions being made, that is very clear now, no matter how much thoughts make it seem that that isn't true. My only responsibility is to choose whether to stay in the belief of a separate self, and suffer as a result, or to observe it as if it were a movie. From here, there is a choice about how to respond. Taking everything super personally, believing things happen to 'me' that make me a victim. Believing other separate selves are doing things to 'me'.

Examples

Any kind of judgement about needing a situation to be different. I am responsible for accepting it as it is as it's just what's happening and this is what is showing up more and more. There is no responsibility to change what's happening (as it's not possible), only what the response is. Total acceptance of what is, changes the need to defend, attack, suffer!

'Emma' was always very defensive apparently. I know now that I can observe and choose not to defend when seated in awareness. When I believe I am Emma, this doesn't happen because someone out there is doing something to me! But at the same time if Emma did manage to not defend she would believe she had achieved something when in fact it was just what happened.