The Gate

HI Alan,
This exercise was very helpful and seemed clear. I hope my responses are true to what you are pointing to.

What you mean when you say that? Please describe it a little more.

As I relax into sensing the sensations, I also sense a thinning out of the sensations, as if they were spreading outward from this location and covering the area all around this location. As they spread out, the sense of them becomes more uniform.
At other times, like waking up this morning , I sensed the body and it was already all sensation without the above process. All uniform. So it seems to differ, level of relaxation has something to do with it, it seems.

Is there any link between the sensation and the sight?

No.

In other words, is the sensation ‘coming from’ the sight (labelled as hand) or only thoughts and mental constructs link them?

There must be thoughts to link them because they seem separate.I don’t see a boundary, but there is a separateness.

Can you see that both the ‘visual sight’ and the sensation appear simultaneously but ‘separately’, meaning that none of them is coming from the other or contained by the other?

Very clear.
Yes, I get this, they are separate and have their own sense perception independent from the other. The sensation is separate from the visual sight (hand, head, foot). When my eyes were closed, the sensation was felt more than when there was seeing and feeling of the hand, foot and head. Seeing seemed to dull down the “pure” sensations.

So they just appear equally, ‘beside’ each other without any hierarchy or link between them?

Yes, I sense this intuitively first and then some kind of confirmation came in. The confirmation of experience.
I wonder if this is the overlay you have been speaking of? Equally there and equally separate?

Can you see how an image (thought) can just appear beside sensation - appearing equally - and before we know it we can be lured away from pure experience by attending to whatever is believed in thought?

Yes, and this is a very helpful knowing, it seems very clear with the hand here.
I practiced with other body parts and it helps with the realizing that the entire body is sensation, as we have studied. And then “next to it” is a label or thought called body, but they are separate perceptions and got associated by thought?

And once again, can you find any entity in control of any of this which you can label "me"?

NO, there is no me that is sensing, seeing and labeling. The exercises are happening. It is not known how this is happening but there isn't a concern about that and it doesn't seem like a big deal.

Thank you Alan, I appreciate your clarity!
Love, Rose

Hello Rose,

I hope my responses are true to what you are pointing to.

Could this be just a thought that creates a fear of getting it wrong?

There can be no right or wrong when you are honestly describing your experience. (Of course confusing instructions or misinterpretation of what is being asked can contribute here to a feeling of "Am I doing this right.") Keep looking for the thoughts that hypnotize.

as if they were spreading outward from this location

Describe a little more what you mean by “this location?”

So it seems to differ, level of relaxation has something to do with it, it seems.

Yes and also perhaps expectation thoughts about how things could / should be can be unwittingly entertained and have a subtle influence in some way. And then again every moment is new and fresh and different !!

The sensation is separate from the visual sight

I get what you are pointing to. While it can seem to be pedantic, it can be said that the word "distinct" or perhaps "discernible" is closer to what's being described here. The word "separate" in this investigation implies an independence from the whole (and it is this belief in separation we are seeing through,) whereas the words distinct or discernible don't imply that independence so readily. For instance, colors on a painting are distinct / discernible but not separate. This all reinforces the challenges and limitations of language !!

I wonder if this is the overlay you have been speaking of? Equally there and equally separate?

Yes. You explain it well in your next comment.

And then “next to it” is a label or thought called body, but they are separate perceptions and got associated by thought?

NO, there is no me that is sensing, seeing and labeling. The exercises are happening. It is not known how this is happening but there isn't a concern about that and it doesn't seem like a big deal.

Wonderful ! What does this FEEL like “to not know how this is happening but there isn't a concern about that and it doesn't seem like a big deal,”



You have said before in a number of ways “there is no me.” However the way you say it here feels different.
Are you experiencing a difference contrasting what you felt even a few days ago? Do you feel there has been a shift of some sort? Please describe what’s happening for you.



With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

Could this be just a thought that creates a fear of getting it wrong?

Yes, if this thought comes in, it does create fear of getting it wrong. It’s so close to the sensation, that, until you pointed it out, it felt like the sensation created the thought. That’s like the hand and the sensation? They got tied together and now it is believed that when I feel that sensation, there is fear (of getting it wrong)?

There can be no right or wrong when you are honestly describing your experience.

This is music to my ears!

Describe a little more what you mean by “this location?”

There is sensed a core, middle part of the body, like where the upper spine might be, but there’s no body, it’s just at that location. This is from where the spreading out sometime happens. As I said, other times, there is no body sense and it feel like a uniform sensation over the “field”.

What does this FEEL like “to not know how this is happening but there isn't a concern about that and it doesn't seem like a big deal,”

There’s something about noticing the sensation and then the image, seeing how they are distinct from each other that feels intuitively “right” or “of course”. So it feels natural and relaxed in this body. That particular exercise exposed something so simple, but it also seems so natural. And it also was obvious that there was nothing that was “conducting” the exercise or experiencing it. Surprisingly though,
nothing else seems that different. I did not feel a shift particularly, more a very subtle “of course”. As there have been “expectations” over here, I saw them as less important and more like, “well maybe that’s how this is, very simple after all”. There is still a small sense of "not sure", but much less so. And a guide is so helpful, to read this and check what is really happening over here!

You have said before in a number of ways “there is no me.” However the way you say it here feels different.
Are you experiencing a difference contrasting what you felt even a few days ago? Do you feel there has been a shift of some sort? Please describe what’s happening for you.

Some of this is described above. I felt a small aha when I did the hand exercise, it was so clear. Usually this would be discounted in some way due to “expectations” of how an aha “should” be noticed.. As it was allowed, this discernment feels very natural and not out of the ordinary.
The contrast from previous days may be, seeing now how discernment can be within a whole.

You say;

While it can seem to be pedantic, it can be said that the word "distinct" or perhaps "discernible" is closer to what's being described here. The word "separate" in this investigation implies an independence from the whole (and it is this belief in separation we are seeing through,) whereas the words distinct or discernible don't imply that independence so readily.

So feeling and seeing this clearly, made some sort of a difference in my perspective. Like “ok, there’s something about this that is already known and I’m curious about it even further”.

I look and do not see a me, every time I look and check, there is no me or even parts of me that are running anything. No one’s there. Coming back to the looking is always helpful and confirming.

There’s just less of a belief in any effort on my part. As tasks are done, there’s less and less burden of a “me doing them”. This is becoming more a part of this daily life. Not 100%, but definitely different.

Thank you for asking Alan,
Love, Rose

Hello again Rose

Let’s dive right in ! Loved your post here. By what you write I have to say I'm hearing there has been a recognition about the truth of no “me.”

So it feels natural and relaxed in this body. That particular exercise exposed something so simple, but it also seems so natural. And it also was obvious that there was nothing that was “conducting” the exercise or experiencing it.

Beautiful !

Surprisingly though, nothing else seems that different.

It has been said that when it is truly seen that there is no self that “Nothing changes, but everything changes”

I did not feel a shift particularly, more a very subtle “of course”

The ah ha moment. It can be so subtle. But a recognition, none the less. It is different for everyone.

“well maybe that’s how this is, very simple after all”.

We wonder how we missed it once it’s seen !

There is still a small sense of "not sure", but much less so.

Have a look at these two clips if you would please Rose.

It's clear from these that this is not the end but the BEGINNING.

https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

Do the messages in these clips resonate? Can you see that there will be residues of habitual thought and beliefs that can create this sense of "not sure" from time to time?

I look and do not see a me, every time I look and check, there is no me or even parts of me that are running anything. No one’s there. Coming back to the looking is always helpful and confirming.

You've pointed to the antidote when "not sure" has something to say. !



Well Rose I would like to check if there Is there anything else that you want to explore together specifically?


Or are you ready for what we call the “final” questions?


That will give us both the opportunity to check if there is something that has been missed.


With love


Alan

Hello Alan,
I'd like to take an extra day to consider your last post. So I will submit something tomorrow, thank you.
Love, Rose

Hello Rose,

Thank you for letting me know. No need to rush. Sometimes things need to settle.

There are no expectations here at all.

Just follow the flow that opens up for you.

With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

Do the messages in these clips resonate? Can you see that there will be residues of habitual thought and beliefs that can create this sense of "not sure" from time to time?

Yes they do. It helps to hear it will be a process of integration and how that process can happen. And that there will be “not sureness” happening.
I have some definite doubt as in the second video the woman talked about having an “intense experience” that relates to seeing no self. I have not experienced this and I can see a part of me getting caught on that (I’ve heard that elsewhere in another LU clip on line). Expectations are seen here. Thoughts come up that seeking is still “needed “ to be sure that this is not just an intellectual part that does not see a self in my head. I suppose this is the thought tangle set up to doubt this.

I also am starting to become aware of the difference between “seeing” there is no me and “realizing” or “embodying” there is no me. Could you speak to this Alan? Does that realization come with all the integration work? While this might not be your area as a guide, I would like to find some sort of support for this integration. I do feel some freedom, but my sense is that there is still a lot of tangle to work with here, as you point out. I like hearing that this is the beginning, because it feels like that to me.

Well Rose I would like to check if there Is there anything else that you want to explore together specifically?

I went through most of our work together and have areas of interest but they may be mostly “side issues” to seeing through self.

I notice that I understand and see I am not the doer, but I’m not aware in a bodily way that I’m not doing the tasks. I guess the big difference is that I don’t feel a lot of efforting. That seems different from “sensing” that I’m not the doer. And then I wonder, is that all part of the integration you talk about?

Or are you ready for what we call the “final” questions?

Some part (thought) in here doesn’t want to hear this question. You have been so patient and thoughtful, and yet could still “push” me. I felt like I could write any strange thing down that was honestly my response, and you would totally work with it. There wasn’t fear around judgment and realness could be here.

So, I could answer the questions and you could discern where I am in terms of seeing through self. You have the perspective of when doubt is clouding my seeing of where I am, and this will help with my understanding where I am in this process.

Thank you Alan,
Love, Rose

It's good to see what you've written Rose,

I'll respond to what you've sent without over loading you hopefully !

I have some definite doubt as in the second video the woman talked about having an “intense experience” that relates to seeing no self. I have not experienced this and I can see a part of me getting caught on that (I’ve heard that elsewhere in another LU clip on line). Expectations are seen here.

Many of us do not have that intense experience spoken of. In the video she also said that she had it over and over again. I certainly cannot speak in my experience of an intense experience at a moment of realization but certainly there was the over and over again experience. There were many instances of "Oh that must be it" and then a final piece of the puzzle fell into place and there was this undeniable recognition "Of course !!: How could I not see the truth of there being no "me."

A little bit like a jigsaw - the picture began to emerge and then there was one last piece that completed the picture / understanding. There were many intense experiences along the way (like you have described) but just because they don’t coincide as we might expect them to, it doesn't mean that recognition is not experienced. Expectations of how this will/should unfold can be a real obstruction.

I'm not sure if you have a copy of Gateless Gatecrashers so just in case you haven't here are a couple of examples which speaks of the shift, for some, being very subtle. (I found this book a treasure)

Ilona: Yes! Yes! You are right there!
No, there is no “me”, just life flowing freely, including thoughts that label the experience. Has there ever been “me”?
There won’t be any boom. The shift is subtle. It’s not a big, shiny belief, it’s just the recognition that reality is just like that. It’s like if you believed that Santa was real as a child and then you found out he wasn’t. Nothing really changed, only the illusion of Santa being real fell away. It’s that kind of thing. And once it’s seen, it cannot be unseen.

Ciunaite, Ilona; Nezhinsky, Elena. Gateless Gatecrashers (p. 48). Unknown. Kindle Edition.

and again

Ilona: Yes, the shift is very subtle, no gongs, no angels singing, no bright lights in the eyes. Just the falling away of belief, which happens when you see the actual truth of this.

Ciunaite, Ilona; Nezhinsky, Elena. Gateless Gatecrashers (p. 89). Unknown. Kindle Edition.

Thoughts come up that seeking is still “needed “ to be sure that this is not just an intellectual part that does not see a self in my head. I suppose this is the thought tangle set up to doubt this.

It’s very important to remember that seeking stops but curiosity typically deepens. Sometimes curiosity can be mistaken for seeking. Seeking always has a “there’s something lacking, there is something "out there" that will fill the void I feel, there’s something wrong with me” type feelings.

Curiosity is about “Oh, what’s this now that I'm experiencing right now. Let me dig right into this to find out what it really is.” Curiosity is essential to fruitful investigation.

And you’ve spotted the doubt thought – “I suppose this is the thought tangle set up to doubt this”

I also am starting to become aware of the difference between “seeing” there is no me and “realizing” or “embodying” there is no me. Could you speak to this Alan? Does that realization come with all the integration work?

I’ll speak from experience here Rose. The way we can interpret the terms integration and embodying can lead to some confusion. They can imply that something needs to be added to what is. While integration and embodying are essential what in fact is needed is dis-embodiment and dis-integration. (This is what the video clip Falling points to - a falling away of beliefs) This may seem like a contradiction. But let me explain.

It can be said that the beginning of "waking up" is seeing that there is no self. When that is realized we see that we have been living life through a fog/tangle of thoughts that create an illusion of reality. Thoughts are a lens or filter through which life is lived. They are an integral part of what we believe to be “me.” Once seen then what follows is a dis-integration of all the beliefs that have imprisoned us. When those beliefs are disembodied – we no longer identify with them as the truth. That means that life can then be lived as Direct Experience. Or in other words DE is then embodied or integrated as the very fabric of day to day living as the illusion of thought is seen through / dismantled. And then clarified and clarified and clarified as we go deeper and deeper.

Does that make sense?

While this might not be your area as a guide, I would like to find some sort of support for this integration. I do feel some freedom, but my sense is that there is still a lot of tangle to work with here, as you point out.

Be assured you will not be left without support. There are a number of options that can help here which we will come back to.

Seeing there is no self is not dependent on the tangle totally evaporating. In fact as a result of seeing there is no self so much of the tangle which we have not seen comes to light !! That's when we can really get to work and find the beliefs that have diverted us from the truth of what we really are.

I notice that I understand and see I am not the doer, but I’m not aware in a bodily way that I’m not doing the tasks. I guess the big difference is that I don’t feel a lot of efforting. That seems different from “sensing” that I’m not the doer. And then I wonder, is that all part of the integration you talk about?

There is still a sense of doing even after it is seen that there is no self but we know there is not a doer as a separate entity. Everything gets done without effort - just as you've said you are experiencing.

You ask "is that all part of the integration you talk about?" Certainly is - definitely a part of the dis- integration spoken of earlier.

You have been so patient and thoughtful, and yet could still “push” me. I felt like I could write any strange thing down that was honestly my response, and you would totally work with it. There wasn’t fear around judgment and realness could be here.

So, so glad that you feel that freedom Rose. There is joy here as I read that.

So, I could answer the questions and you could discern where I am in terms of seeing through self.

Let’s turn to the questions next after you’ve had a look at his post.

We've covered a lot in this post which can invoke thinking. And to leave this post without checking the question at the core of this investigation through Actual Experience would surely leave it incomplete !! As you've said before if doubt should appear this is how to deal with the "not sureness" - LOOK again. So ......

In all of this investigation can you find a separate self, that has ever been, or will ever will be.



With love


Alan

Dear Alan,

Thank you for addressing the questions/concerns that were expressed. I see once they are heard and addressed, there can be some relaxing here.

A little bit like a jigsaw - the picture began to emerge and then there was one last piece that completed the picture / understanding. There were many intense experiences along the way (like you have described) but just because they don’t coincide as we might expect them to, it doesn't mean that recognition is not experienced.

Yes, as this is understood and as mentioned above, there is a letting go into where I am. It’s like an acceptance of whatever has been seen. This is how it is for me right now. You know much of what my experience has been, you recognize a recognition. And we will see more with the questions too.

It’s very important to remember that seeking stops but curiosity typically deepens. Sometimes curiosity can be mistaken for seeking. Seeking always has a “there’s something lacking, there is something "out there" that will fill the void I feel, there’s something wrong with me” type feelings.

Yes, I see the old “panic” of missing out on something, is different now or fading. There is sincere curiosity to know more about this dis-integration you talk about. It helps greatly to know there is a natural process that “unfolds” after seeing and it’s different for everyone.

Once seen then what follows is a dis-integration of all the beliefs that have imprisoned us. When those beliefs are disembodied – we no longer identify with them as the truth. That means that life can then be lived as Direct Experience.

Does that make sense?

Yes, as those old beliefs are recognized and just seen as old beliefs that are not true, more is seen/experienced directly. I can feel this happening naturally, thought/beliefs are just automatically questioned. Just seen. The back and forth daily with you Alan was so valuable in breaking into this assumed truth. I think support for this process would be important as you know.

There is still a sense of doing even after it is seen that there is no self but we know there is not a doer as a separate entity. Everything gets done without effort - just as you've said you are experiencing.

Thank you for this clairification, so good to read this! It’s amazing how the expectations and comparing can inhibit the process going on here.

In all of this investigation can you find a separate self, that has ever been, or will ever will be.

No there is no me and there never was from the very “beginning”, just a tangle of thoughts that formed an identity with a body/mind. I’m looking inside and do not see a me anywhere. I ask for “Rose” to come forward and speak to me in all her glory, she does not answer and cannot be known/seen.

Thank you for your honesty around what you wrote here Alan. It is so appreciated.

Love, Rose

Oh Rose I did laugh when I read

I ask for “Rose” to come forward and speak to me in all her glory, she does not answer and cannot be known/seen.

Beautiful !!

So let's turn to the questions now if you are happy to go through them. This helps other guides check whether I have covered everything or if I missed something. Report from your Actual Experience in this very moment when you reply to each question. Do not reply from memory or a previous experience.

No need to rush, take your time and have some fun !!

Here they are the questions.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?


2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?


3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.


4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?


5) Can you talk about
decision, & give examples from experience.


intention, & give examples from experience.


free will, & give examples from experience.


choice and control? & give examples from experience.


What makes things happen? How does it work?


What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.


6) Anything to add?


With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

I would like to take a day or two to write back in response to the questions. Thank you.

But first, I have a question: When you say to write only from actual experience/moment, some of the questions ask about previous things like, "What is different now?", or" What pushed you over?" or "Give examples". So, I assume I will be writing from memory and a previous experience to some extent?
If you could kindly clarify this, that would be great.
Love,
Rose

Just seen your message Rose

Yes, no rush. No problem taking a day or two.

some of the questions ask about previous things like, "What is different now?", or" What pushed you over?" or "Give examples". So, I assume I will be writing from memory and a previous experience to some extent?

Yes, indeed - a drawing from memory is necessary for some questions such as in the examples you've highlighted

The questions are pointing to aspects of experience so describing what's happening now in your Actual Experience as you are writing, is for the most part, where to draw from. And it is entirely appropriate to include insights and realizations that have happened previously in Actual Experience which have been pivotal (albeit they may have been very subtle) in recognizing "no self."


With love


Alan

Hello Alan,
This is a bit long and yet all of it wanted to be here!

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Looking around right now, in and through me, there is no entity anywhere. It is not hiding in the heart, especially the head or even in the spaces in the neurons and spinal cord. No one is there or can speak up for themselves! I’ve given the “me” plenty of time to speak/appear, and it is nowhere to be found. There’s no sense it had a life and then disappeared. It had never existed from the start and only developed as thoughts/images through years of conditioning and language.

2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?

It is assuming and trusting that there is an “alive” entity called “me” or “Rose” that is having experiences happen to it. This self has what we’d call a personality, with preferences, moods, and other characteristics. I have believed that situations happen to a separate me and are not connected to others. I make choices by myself without impacting others, since they are separate. Often, “reviewing” my history with myself or others would reinforce this separate self.

The separate self can show up as thoughts that “I” am deficient in various ways or I am a good mom or I am not creative etc. Like a definition of what and how “I” am. The sensations of this defining of a me feels heavy and like I’m trapped in a box.

Now what is different? There has been a gradual relaxing of reactivity here for some years actually. But, the intense LU focus on what is true regarding a “me” that owns experiences, has shown that is false. I cannot argue about this, though I’ve tried! There is nothing here that owns or is defined by experience that is a discreet entity. When I look directly, there is only quiet, calm emptiness.

At a restaurant a few days ago, a server noticed I did not finish my entrée and said to me “You did a bad job not finishing your food” and instinctively what was said back was (mostly in jest) “Yes, but I am a good person!”
The response was so fast and although it felt humorous, I saw that this was a belief about “me”. A strong identification as a good person. I saw this right when I spoke back to her, and there was a natural body relaxing. I felt a sense of relief and I noticed, It did not matter how she saw me or how I saw “myself. None of that mattered in the moment. The whole interaction was seen with more clarity. The server was coming from her view and it was ok, there was no real resistance to what she said now. There was a sense of being open and accepting of the moment. It was interesting to notice in the midst of this acceptance, that there was still some sense of annoyance here, and also smiling and ease. When the phrase “Everything can be here” is heard, this example is what comes up.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels relaxing, with more ease as I write this As each day is here, there seems to be a noticing of slowing down, a more noticing of the moment. It’s like there was some sanding off of rough edges that would normally be irritated and taking everything personally.

Before I started this dialogue, there was much more doubt sensation around what was seen, especially the” inner entity”. I had some belief that even if I see no inner entity, it was somehow there. “What if I get this wrong?” was underneath many of my responses. The “me “ thought “What if I see it’s not there, I tell my guide and then I wonder if it’s here again?” That felt like a pressure spot here, like I had to get this absolutely right.

Repeated looking and patience on your part, it became clear IT'S NOT HERE. There nothing to be interacted with or be pleased with. It’s like, when I see through a belief and remember what’s true, it’s like I released something very tight. I still get caught, but if the “sensations of caughtness” can be seen relatively soon, I am less mesmerized by the “little me that is like this”.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

It feels quite gradual with all the ways this process works. Communicating daily, LOOKING, SEEING, LOOKING, SEEING……Working with the resistance and doubt, so important !! Kindness on your part. Re-explaining. Giving examples. Encouragement. So in others words, structure and support as a foundation for trust and with love, to really start to look. Once I felt this sense of foundation, it was much easier to trust that when I looked, there was nothing behind the “me”, dialogue and all the rest of the character.

In addition to the foundation, I think the simplicity of sensing the hand and also choice point of the hand turning, were important to my lessening of the doubt. It was so simple and straightforward. I could not pick it apart and once when I did, you pointed out, that was a story. So after the sensing hand exercise, there seemed to be an intuitive “of course” and I could see that it has always been this way. I noticed a release in the body that was ever so subtle. There is nothing here as this body. Ok. Quiet, empty.

5) Can you talk about
decision, & give examples from experience.

This is based on understanding and some personal experience. There is no” I “that makes a decision. When a decision is “made” it doesn’t come through a “me”, but more an appearance that is somehow known. I’ve had a few situations where there were decisions to be “made” like there were “options to choose from”. But what is coming up with and considering all the options?
For example, a decision was to be made, whether to work a bit more. There was a staying with it and some practical information came in. At some moment, the decision of a “yes” was noticed. It’s not like there was an exact moment. In the past there would have been more doubt and fear around making the “wrong” decision. Somehow making the “wrong” decision doesn’t feel so harsh. What is making the decision? I don’t know.

intention, & give examples from experience.

I don’t know how this works. I would say there is still a sense of energy here that could be called “intention” For example, a friend got into a bike accident and there was something here that wanted to light a candle and “send kindness and love” to that individual. The felt sense is quiet, no words and just a being with that feeling of love and maybe thinking of that person. “I “didn’t “intend” to send him love but it came up as a movement that wanted to happen. Is there an ”I” that intends? As I feel into it, it doesn’t feel personal , like, “I, Rose, will send him some love so he feels better”. It feels like a natural movement that arose when I heard about the accident. There could be another level of reality that intends, but it is not coming from a “me”.

free will, & give examples from experience.

This is a good one and I have not fully understood this yet. How it feels to me is that the “me” thinks it can do stuff on it’s own.
It looks that way for sure, and it is believed by the “me”. As I “do” tasks now, it feels more like a natural movement towards what’s needed, without the efforting.

My sense of having my own personal will is that this would be impossible given that everything seems interdependent. How can “I’ do something separate from the whole? This is a felt sense but also an understanding. But it can “look” like it is a separate will, I just don’t see it that way any more. I just picked up my phone. Was that free will? It looks like that, but it’s like I know too much, “I” can’t do that separately.

choice and control? & give examples from experience.

Yes, this is a joke (that I am controlling anything, that “I” am selecting something). The control issue was a big confront for me in this work, still a work in process. I can still see how “I” want to control things and then it’s remembered, nothing can be controlled. Then I relax a bit. For example, the “me” would try to make things “go well” for others by over-accomodating and hope to avoid conflict.” I” was going to control the interaction. Today this is seen more clearly now
There is less of a sense of an “I” that needs to make things “ok” so much. I get surprised at how” letting” things happen, is an option. Again, it feels like a relief and there also is a feeling of panic sometimes because I’m not “trying” to effect an outcome. I still ask within, “Is it ok to just let this play out?”, as if there really is a choice here. I forget and then I remember…repeat.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

I have no clue. I guess this is unknown. I am coming to know that everything is happening now, appears, but this creation is not anything I can see. Maybe intelligent mystery.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

What comes is, there is responsibility here. There is no “I” that is responsible, and yet there is a responsibility to the life that is here. If everything is just happening without a cause and effect, on a grand scale there is no responsibility. But there is responsibility living in this reality. Not necessarily from a blaming/judgment place, but there’s a responsibility to the whole of which I am a part. There is a recognition that we are not separate and when that is known/remembered, my responsibility in inherent in everything. It is a deep understanding that is different than from a place of moral blaming.
I am responsible for following the rules and laws that I live within. Let’s say the traffic light is out, there’s a responsibility to continue to drive safely by stopping at the traffic light before moving through the intersection. There’s responsibility around my behavior and how I conduct my behavior that feels like a natural outgrowth of not wanting to interfere and yet naturally be kind. For example, what is said in confidence, is kept in confidence. Is that a responsibility? No, it is not a heavy burden I have to endure, it is a natural way to interact that requires no ”me”. Underneath the label of “responsibility” may be an open space that naturally wants to take care of whatever is happening in a loving way.

6) Anything to add?

Oh there’s much more to be open to and experience. There is a strong sense of this is the start of a deepening process that just may not ever end.

Love to you Alan,
Rose

My apologies Rose, this did not get sent yesterday as it was certainly meant to. Personal technical problems at my end. Here is the belated message.....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for your beautiful responses Rose

I don't have anything I need to clarify with you.

As I said earlier I have shared this with other guides and there is just one question that one guide has asked me to ask you.

"For example, a decision was to be made, whether to work a bit more. There was a staying with it and some practical information came in. At some moment, the decision of a “yes” was noticed. It’s not like there was an exact moment. In the past there would have been more doubt and fear around making the “wrong” decision. Somehow making the “wrong” decision doesn’t feel so harsh. What is making the decision? I don’t know."

The thought of making a decision to whom it arrives?



I'll be back to you in a day or so when everyone has had a chance to take a look at our work.


With love


Alan

Hello Alan,

Thank you for your kind response.

Please could there be more clarity about the question asked below?

The thought of making a decision to whom it arrives?

Is the question ” To whom does the thought of making a decision arrive?”

Or “To whom does the decision thought arrive?”

One is focusing on the initial contemplation and one is the decision itself. There may be the same response to both, but just checking.

Thank you.
Love, Rose