CW

[CherylVT]

Dear Rali,

3)

How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

I feel lighter, more easeful, more present. There are moments when it feels like the sense of self floats away, and the flow of Life flows on. Maybe it’s that the self feels like wearing a corset on/in the flow?
The difference from before I started LU is that this lightness of being is more accessible and “happens” more frequently. I’m more likely to note seeing/hearing/sensation/thought.
Also, “my” tinnitus is louder, more noticeable, due, I suspect, to more quiet in the mind.
Another difference, which happens occasionally, is feeling more sensitive to emotion. I don’t even know why a feeling of poignancy arises. It passes through the body, and a tear prickles the eye for a minute or two. I deepen into the sensation, and it passes.


4)

What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Two very subtle seeings/insights—very mild.
One: seeing/feeling/hearing that the senses are not separate. This does not mean synesthesia, as I expected. It simply means no boundaries, no borders.

Two: where is the boundary between “me” and anything else?
Hmmm. Where indeed?
Although I’ve known this intellectually for some years (and puzzled over how to feel it), Rali’s question nudged me. Sort of like the Rumi quote about “knocking on the door, but I’ve been knocking from the inside.”

Thanks Rali,
Cheryl

[CherylVT]

Dear Rali,


5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Most decisions come to me from intuition. I ask a question, and I receive an image or maybe a word. I take that first answer. In other words: thought (what?), thought (question), seeing (internal image), hearing (internal word), sensation (action).
If an answer doesn’t come or if the decision is minor, I sometimes do muscle-testing. Thought, sensation.

Deciding what time to leave for the airport. (thought)
Thought—tomorrow (is tomorrow)
Thought—plane leaves at 9:30
Thought—calculations
Thought—wake up at 5:30
Thought—set alarm
Sensation—setting an alarm on my phone


Describe intention & give examples from experience.

I want (something), which requires some type of action.

I intend to do my LU assignment. (thought)

Thought—go to LU Forum
Sensation—at the computer
Seeing—reading
Thought, thought, thought, sensation/seeing/hearing
Sensation—touching the computer



Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Free will? Neuroscientist Benjamin Libet said we don’t have free will, we have free won’t.

This is the most difficult question for me. I think free will is supposed to mean freedom of choice—I can do whatever I want; I’m the boss of me.
My life looks like I have a lot of free will—I’m retired so I can do whatever I like whenever I like. I have enough money so I can buy whatever I want. I have health (for the time being).
Even if my life were constrained, I would have the free will to think as I wished. (Ha!)
But really, I’m running down the same ruts—more or less—every day. I would say habits are running the show to a large degree. And besides, every action is preceded by a thought, and where do those thoughts come from?
So where is “my” free will?

So far this morning:
I wake up when the body comes to consciousness. (4 a.m.)
After, oh, half an hour I push myself up out of bed.
Who decided? I don’t know. The body decided.
I walk to the bathroom. Sensation, sensation, sensation.
I do my regular routine.
I go downstairs and put wood in the woodstove. More routine. Sensation, sensation.

Where is free will?


Describe choice & give examples from experience.


I choose to look out the window. (thought)
Seeing
Sensation—turning head
Seeing—looking out the window



Describe control & give examples from experience.

Hmmm. What am I controlling? Driving my car? Not even that. I’ve had too many narrow escapes—as in really narrow.
Leaving the airport and then entering the M5 at 50 mph in Bristol, England, a lorry sped by and missed our new rental car by an inch. “I” was not in control of that!
In 2015, halfway through radiation treatments for breast cancer, I did a trapeze performance (at age 67) as a fundraiser for our local circus school.
As I walked toward the mat to begin, “I” was not in my body. “My” body performed; “my” voice recited the script that went with each move. “I” was absent during the performance, but returned after the standing ovation.


What makes things happen? How does it work?

Call if what you will: Life, the Universe, and Everything. God. Nature. Dharma. Tao.

It’s a mystery.


What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

In the daily world, I try to act responsibly toward other people and to the Earth.
In reality, I kneel in gratitude for this good life, which unfolds like a miracle.

6) Anything to add?

No thoughts coming to mind.

Whew!
Cheryl

[poppyseed]

Hi Cheryl

Welcome home!

Thank you for your beautiful answers! It has been such a pleasure to walk beside you through the gateless gate! Your openness and willingness to look were simply awesome and made guiding you a joy.

You will receive an email notifying you of a PM from the forum, inviting you to join LU's Facebook groups. It also has other information that might be of interest to you. I will inbox you my contact details if you want to stay in touch. If you have any questions, just ask, or you can drop a line on your thread here and I will respond.

Your username will change from green to blue which indicates that you have had the realisation of no separate self. This thread will be moved to the ‘Archive’ section of the forum, but you will be able to access it.

Please don’t forget that this is just the beginning of exploring. It’s the beginning of cleaning up of all sorts of old beliefs. Emotions and feelings can show up to be seen and felt, so don’t stop looking! Please feel free to contact me, so we can have a look together, if you like.

I also think that you would make a wonderful guide, if you’re willing to explore it, when you feel ready.
Love
Rali