1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, just a set of ideas and memories that makes up a sense of "me". Inside, in any given moment, there is nothing -- an expansive emptiness observing what's happening. At times the sense of self is more present, but it does not represent anything tangible.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Presumably it starts at an early age, at some point after one identifies as "that one, the one in the mirror". As life progresses, events create memories that center around the perspective of "me", outside influences and culture attribute characteristics, happenings, expectations, blame, shame, etc. to that "me", and it builds and builds until it's thought to be real. It filters experience through this lens so that experiences are attributed to "me" by default, and on and on. Eventually, something triggers an investigation of whatever is real.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
At the same time liberating and underwhelming? The mind creates a conceptual image of what this realization would look like, complete with bedazzled skies and imperturbable peace. Once it's seen, it's found to be so familiar and so close that the mind says "this is it?" presumably as a last ditch effort to preserve the ego. The ego still shows up to try and claim ownership, and at times is successful for a period, but upon any amount of "hold up, what's real" is seen to be empty of meaning in any absolute sense. History, roles, responsibilities, and thought patterns seem to be the biggest challenges to remaining aware of the truth in any given moment.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It's hard to say -- it wasn't one specific look that "did it", it was simply realized at some point that this is what is, or maybe just an acceptance that this is what is. There's an inclination to say "I'm still not sure if I get it" but on observation that is clearly thought with no substance whatsoever.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
The mind laying claim to what happens in retrospect. That option was selected, therefore "I" must have chosen it, therefore "I" must exist. "I" didn't decide to complete this assignment, yet typing is happening.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Similar to above, but more subtle and nuanced. This one is less clear, but it seems intention is less obviously "claimed" than decisions. Regardless, no one has intention, reality just happens. Intention may be the mind claiming ownership of conditioning and habits?
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
This was seen to be an illusion early on. Thoughts appear regardless, as unpredictable as any event, even logically free will falls apart upon any amount of investigation. There's no inclination of what the next thought will be, therefore "will" is out the window. Intrusive thoughts are an easy example of this.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
The same as decision -- a thought arises in a circumstance where options are presented, that "choice" is then ascribed to "me". The drink exercise made that abundantly clear.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
Another illusion similar to free will and intention and choice. All mind claiming ownership of what happens. Like the weather just is, behavior and action and outcome just are. Control is a sick illusion, where "wisdom" is equivocated with being able to distinguish between what is in one's control and what isn't. No wonder there's so much confusion.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
The universe unfolding according to itself. Physics, chemistry, biology, etc. are finite studies of this phenomenon, describing "laws" that reflect patterns, but weird shit happens all the time that defy these.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
If anything, showing up and witnessing. Not sure that an alternative exists other than to stay unconscious?
6) Anything to add?
Only that the realization isn't complete. Many times it feels like "I" have to remind "myself" to dis identify with thought and settle back into awareness. But that's how the cookie crumbles, and this will evolve and deepen. A veil has been seen through, even if it drops back from time to time, it's impermanent.
Thank you for your patience, guidance, and support. There is peace and gratitude here for always.
Ryan