The Gate

Thoughts continuing to argue that it can't be possible for "life" to just unfold without a doer and a thinker in a world as complex as humans have made.

Bees do it. Termites do it. Prairie dogs and naked mole rats have very complex and seemingly differentiated societies too.

Did "we" make it complex? Or is life just being really elaborate through this expression?

Hi Sue.
I'm glad that you're writing :)

No. There's nothing here, but because I am still looking for it, I'm giving it imagined reality. I feel like the little kid, afraid of the monster under the bed, who looks with a parent, sees nothing, and instead of realizing that there is no monster, wonders where else it could be hiding. This is getting tedious!

Exactly! You don't believe what you see.It's just a habit. Look again - Is there a monster under the bed?
Oh, nothing is tedios, just a just a thought which saying so :-)
It's fresh and alive, each time when it is looked.

There is nothing running this life. Thoughts keep arising and habit patterns attach to them as an absurd distraction from the pure clean emptiness that is this moment and the next and the next unfolding.

When one moment starts and the next begins?
Is there a dividing line between these moments?
If Yes - what colour is the dividing line? What shape?

There is worry that seeing through me self means seeing through husband self and children selves and how will that unfold but just typing that makes me realize all will be the better for it. This Sue story can stop reinforcing false stories its been telling, at the very least. These primary relationships are feeling like the hardest to stop believing in, except it's not about belief. You can't believe a fiction into being.

"Worry" is nothing more than a protective mehanism. It's trying to prevent something from being found out.
But nothing's wrong with that. Nothing dramatically will change, because this is already the case - no selves anywhere.
There is no need to stop believing in relationship, right? It's just a fresh look what is happening here now.

Is there a Sue doing experiences?

How exactly sensations, thoughts, feelings, colours and shapes are are being done?


Look at the last two questions repetitively for a whole two days - many moments during the day. 60-70-80 min.

And completely try to ignore what thoughts are suggesting.

Let me know how it goes.

Oh, nothing is tedios, just a just a thought which saying so :-)
It's fresh and alive, each time when it is looked.

Thank you for this! I was believing a thought there and what you wrote has helped me in an instant to dissolve so many emotional reactions that have arisen from believed thoughts this past week.

Many thoughts are still arising, still being believed attached, even in this week of trying to remember as much as I can to ask myself, "Is there a Sue doing life right now? And how are all the sensations, thoughts, feelings, colors and shapes being done?"

Still experiencing a resistance to seeing the emptiness of it all. Resistance arises as strong urge to distract myself with twitter scrolling and looking at news and the compulsion to believe scary angry thoughts about the world. A zoning out with games or a beer or tasks that "need" to be done.

But every time I remembered to ask, "Is there a Sue doing this right now?" or "Is that a just a thought being believed" it is surprisingly easy and quick to feel the freshness and lightness of seeing there is no Sue, just thoughts, arising.

And yet.

I feel like I'm sleepwalking a lot, with episodic moments of noticing what is real and true and empty.

When one moment starts and the next begins?
Is there a dividing line between these moments?
If Yes - what colour is the dividing line? What shape?

This is really interesting, how there is no time when looked at closely! And that feels shocking, and free, and empty and scary -- scary to let go of belief in Sue, and thoughts, and time.

It feels like I touch the truth and recoil again and again and again, afraid to just stay in it, if that makes any sense.

Hi Luchana,

Checking in again today.

Is there a Sue doing experiences?

Asking this question again and again. Generating strong sensations of frustration, and often an almost instant zoning out or disconnecting from the moment. Periodic feelings of panic even. Every once in a while, the question brings a sense of quiet and clear calmness.

It still feels like inquiry is being fought and resisted. By... what or who? Just asking that question brings a feeling of relaxing and peace. Nothing is there to fight looking. Suddenly there is peace and calm emptiness.

Will keep looking, keep noticing what is happening and who is doing it.

(I can feel some thing, some thought arising, that says "don't dissolve! It will be so boring if there is no Sue to do things! What will we do, just sit around looking out the window??" and it makes me smile)

Hi Sue,

Sorry for the delay in responce.
You are doing very well.
Let's start from the second letter.
I found a liitle expectation here:

peace and calm emptiness

and here

a sense of quiet and clear calmness.

Yes, when the story is seen as a story but not reality it may bring this kind of relaxation, but what we you looking for is to find that all this is not you and not yours, exactly like when the dream is going on and you are not the colours, sensations, fear or anger because they belong to the dream and not to you.

Is it necessary for the dream to become peacful in order to know that this is a dream?

Notice right now, that the thoughts are commenting what is going on here, but they don't speak to you they are just commenting in a way that there is someone in this.

Still experiencing a resistance to seeing the emptiness of it all.

emptiness is just to find that all this is here and thoughts comment what is going on but you are neither what appears neither the thoughts about it. This centre to whom thoughts are coming is invented by thoughts :)

But every time I remembered to ask, "Is there a Sue doing this right now?" or "Is that a just a thought being believed" it is surprisingly easy and quick to feel the freshness and lightness of seeing there is no Sue, just thoughts, arising.

Yes, just notice ones with 1000% clarity how "Sue" is coming?

I feel like I'm sleepwalking a lot, with episodic moments of noticing what is real and true and empty.

Yes, we are looking for only one moment of pure clarity. And then it's easy to look again and again is there a Sue,
And as what she "appears" :)

Much love,
Luchana

Good morning and thank you for these pointings!

you looking for is to find that all this is not you and not yours, exactly like when the dream is going on and you are not the colours, sensations, fear or anger because they belong to the dream and not to you.

Yes, I am still stopping short of the full seeing. I am relieved when noticing the emptiness of stressful thoughts, and I stop looking right there.

But, the stressful thoughts, the feeling the sensations linked to those thoughts, the seeing the emptiness of the stressful thoughts, the story of Sue experiencing momentary relief and peace and thinking she needs to get more of that -- all of that is equally empty. There is no Sue who just fixed her stress by inquiry. The thought that there is a Sue that needs to do more inquiry to fix things is empty, and there is no Sue to witness the emptiness of the thoughts about a Sue who needs to do more inquiry.

I watched your interview with Vivien on the LU YouTube channel yesterday when I opened the app to watch something else and YouTube had that as its top recommendation -- YouTube can do pointing too, haha -- and that was really helpful, to hear her say that as long as you believe in that story of a separate you, you need to keep doing the work of inquiry that would liberate that story of you from believing in itself (or something like that.)

The story of upset Sue isn't real; the story of peaceful Sue isn't real either. There. Has. Never. Been. Sue. The story of Sue was created early in this dream and is not necessary anymore.

Notice right now, that the thoughts are commenting what is going on here, but they don't speak to you they are just commenting in a way that there is someone in this.

Thank you for this, that thoughts aren't speaking to me. I was not seeing that. Thoughts aren't speaking to anything. It's like being on the bus next to the person with earbuds who is having a phone conversation and you think they are talking to you. No need to engage. Nothing there for you to engage with. (And no you on the bus either.)

Yes, just notice ones with 1000% clarity how "Sue" is coming?

Do you mean that I should look extra closely at the thoughts that seem most central to creating the story of "Sue"? Or do all thoughts contribute to the story of a Sue, and I should look to see how they do that, even the ones that don't seem like they are about me?

Hi Sue,

Wonderful!
We are looking that Sue doesn't exist but not that you don't exist.
You are not a thing. We are looking what you are not.
When the dream appears what part of the dream are you?
Are you colours, sounds, sensations, thought story... is there something that is yours, that is you?

Do you mean that I should look extra closely at the thoughts that seem most central to creating the story of "Sue"?

Notice that thoughts do not know that all this is not yours, and thoughts don't know that this is what is appears by itself and there is no you who is responsible for this and you are not a part of this appearing, The thoughts just don't know this and cheat you with the explanation what is this and what you are.

Can you see this?

Much love,
Luchana

Hi Luchana,

I hope you are well.

I have been re-reading your post, and looking for proof that I exist, and it has been incredibly hard to focus on, and thoughts stay constantly on Ukraine and the story that I should imagine what is happening there and remain focused on and upset about that, that anything else is a selfish distraction. Such strong conditioning running in me to constantly imagine the suffering of others to prove my compassion.

Can you see this?

"I" don't exist. Can I see that I don't exist?

I can see that I am not the thoughts, I am not the story I've told, I'm not the feelings, I'm not the sensation, I'm not the perceptions, the colors, the sounds. None of that is anything other than passing, empty, uncontrolled, and uncontrollable phenomena. Yes, I can see that, and can reconnect with that truth with (relative) ease.

Can I see that "I" am not the witness, not an awareness, not anything separate from what is unfolding?

Yes, "I" can see this, can "get" it at a felt-sense level for a brief flash. And then intense frustration arises. Sometimes physical shudders.

Is there something that is mine, that is me?

No. And there again is such strong physical, energetic tension of utter resistance, and an unwillingness to look deeper or even to see anything at all.

"I am not a part of this appearing."

What fights so hard against this??

What is appearing is devoid of a me, empty of a witness even, is simply appearing. For a millisecond, I... agree, I can believe, I can imagine it must be true. I feel it? Maybe for a flash.

There is frustration, tiredness, embarrassment, rage even, at how I can't make myself see this.

I will write again tomorrow.

Love,
Sue

Good morning again, Luchana, I hope you and Lubo are well.

The thought finally occurred to me this morning that this writing isn't a reporting out of the work I have done on my own, it is the work being done. I have been waiting to "realize" things in my day-to-day looking and waiting to report back because I haven't "realized" anything meaningful yet, but this writing isn't the report. It is the work of looking. Feelings of self-judgement are definitely arising over this one! :D

"I am not a part of this appearing."

Still feeling the strong urge to name a witness, to be the witness. How is the experiencing not the same as witnessing?

Is an I actually experiencing?? No, that's it. That's the illusion being generated/propagated. There is no I experiencing anything. What is happening is not being experienced. It is happening. This moment is a happening. Nothing more. The sense of being aware of this moment is part of the happening, nothing more. There is no one and no thing for the awareness to be happening to.

this is what is appears by itself and there is no you who is responsible for this

There is no me responsible for it by being the witness to it either. That's another insidious thought, that all this "happening-ness" is happening for a reason called me -- to help a me awaken, to see through, to get somewhere, to get something.

There is no me causing things to appear, there is no me to change how things appear, there is no me to witness how things appear, there is no me to awaken by witnessing how things appear. There is no me to whom thoughts speak about this.

Love,
Sue

Hi dear Sue,

I have been re-reading your post, and looking for proof that I exist, and it has been incredibly hard to focus on,...

Mmm, There is not an I, a self, but not that there is no you. What you are, or what we are - it can't be said, it can't be known. but you are not a thing.

and thoughts stay constantly on Ukraine and the story that I should imagine what is happening there and remain focused on and upset about that, that anything else is a selfish distraction. Such strong conditioning running in me to constantly imagine the suffering of others to prove my compassion.

Yes, what is happening is awfull!
This investigation is nothing to do with what is nice and what is awfull.

We are looking is this one who can or cannot accept what hapens is real?
So, find this one, where could it be?

Much love,
Luchana

ps. If you want we can try another meeting?

Good morning, Luchana,

I'm looking to pin down some of the resistance behind accepting the seeing and staying with the seeing, so I'm writing out thoughts that argue, as they are seen.

One is that because thinking arises so quickly when attention seems to land on an object or a task, there is still the belief that thinking is directing action, even though often action never occurs.

Knowing that the brain cells that take an action fire six seconds before a conscious thought is registered is helpful, but the thought still arises frequently that "I notice, I decide to do this thing or that."

But there is no doing, often, just sitting with frustration and wondering what is wrong with the me who doesn't do what she thinks she wants to do, or thinks that she needs to do. Which clearly indicates that the thinking isn't causing the acting!

The other piece of thinking I was going to write down is falling apart as I try to express it on the keyboard. It had to do with a "felt sense" that things work out for the best or for the evolution of the apparent consciousness that thinking says I am, but it's just thoughts of a story of a separate self, thoughts of pattern-seeking and meaning-making.

Both of these lines of thought or arguments are intellectualizations pulling me away from direct experience, in that they speculate about things that I can't see or feel or prove. They're what arises to argue that the simple truth can't be true, and they are smoke and mirrors.

I keep wanting to give thoughts agency, or put something behind the thoughts as I type, ("they're what gets thrown up to argue" is what I first wrote) as though there is still something behind the thoughts, but I do see there is nothing behind them. The habit of framing and assuming an entity behind the thinking is just a habit.

Okay, I may write more, later. It is helpful to look directly and type like this.

Love,
Sue

Oh, I didn't see your reply just above before I posted!

Another meeting would be helpful and lovely. I am available this Friday and Saturday my morning/your evening, and next Monday through Friday, 9 or 9:30 my morning/ 6 or 6:30 your evening.

Hi Sue,

One is that because thinking arises so quickly when attention seems to land on an object or a task, there is still the belief that thinking is directing action, even though often action never occurs.

Let's look in this one

Focus on focusing, attention itself.
Is there anything moving attention, or it moves by itself?
Look very close and thourogh -

Is there a focus-er?

Knowing that the brain cells that take an action fire six seconds before a conscious thought is registered is helpful, but the thought still arises frequently that "I notice, I decide to do this thing or that."

Yes, and that's why it needs to be seen experientialy and not only intellectially. The given exercise is simple. Please do it LITERALLY several times (many times during the day( and let me know how it goes. Watch like a hawk.

Place both hands on a table in front of you, palms down.
When you have done that, rest for a moment and then raise one hand in the air but not the other.

Don't go to thoughts, don't engage with thoughts, no need to wait for a thought. Examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing? What is it that is controlling the hand?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
Can anything be found that makes the hand move?
How is the decision made?


Reply each question individually.

But there is no doing, often, just sitting with frustration and wondering what is wrong with the me who doesn't do what she thinks she wants to do, or thinks that she needs to do. Which clearly indicates that the thinking isn't causing the acting!

Nothing is wrong with you :-) Just thoughts are taken to be reality, that's all.

Another meeting would be helpful and lovely. I am available this Friday and Saturday my morning/your evening, and next Monday through Friday, 9 or 9:30 my morning/ 6 or 6:30 your evening.

Lovely! How about Thursday, the 10th of March?

Much love,
Luchana

Good morning Luchana,

Wishing you and Lubo peace.

We are looking is this one who can or cannot accept what happens is real?
So, find this one, where could it be?

I want to start here, because there is so very much resistance arising to so much of what I am reading about Russia, and Ukraine.

Is the one experiencing the resistance real?

No. That is a... an energy, a habit pattern. A pattern of attaching to thoughts and creating dualities.

Is the one who cannot accept what is happening real?

No. Nothing here but some physical energy and some thoughts swirling.

Is there an experiencer of that physical energy and those thoughts?

I don't know.... There is a sense of beingness here, a sense of experiencing. That gets confused with an experiencer.

Is there anyone here to witness this energy and thoughts?

There is what is perceivable in this moment, being perceived.

I don't know.

I don't understand what existence is, what it means to be existing. I assume "something" is existing. All I can find is Existing Happening.

There is no separate witness to existence existing.

Let's look in this one

Focus on focusing, attention itself.
Is there anything moving attention, or it moves by itself?
Look very close and thorough -

Is there a focus-er?

This has been really helpful the last few days to look at.

No. Attention moves by itself. Attention moves, thoughts arise that an "I" has "noticed" something, and thoughts about the thing attention has moved to arise. Again and again and again.

There is no focus-er. There is no capacity to choose what to focus on. Noticing and focusing is as empty, impersonal, and uncontrollable as thoughts or feelings or anything else being experienced.

The hand exercise. Language, the words are giving such fuel to thoughts to resist and argue here. But there's a "she" telling "you" to sit down and observe which hand is raised! "You" obviously exist and make decisions or "you" wouldn't sit down to look at how the hand gets raised!

And, I notice, I don't sit down. For days I don't sit down. What decides to sit down and try the game, eventually? I sat once and hands wouldn't move. Then thoughts wonder, "what is refusing to play the game? That must be what "I" am, that thing that refuses to sit and refuses to move a hand!"

I see why you said not to engage with thoughts.

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?

Not thoughts. Thoughts do nothing. Emotions arise in the wake of thoughts, frustration and tension, and they don't choose which hand to raise either. Nothing can be seen or known about what moves the hand, when the hand finally moves.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing? What is it that is controlling the hand?

No separate individual. There is a vague sense, a story, of something "within" "my" body, moving the hand. I think the story just comes (without being questioned) from the angle of perception of sight. There's no reason to believe or proof of anything inside my body doing this.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

There is a sense that an "I" can fight the movement, that I can think "stop!" and it will stop. But I don't choose when to decide to "fight" or what words to think in opposition to the movement. The story of the fight is as empty as the movement, when looked at.

Can anything be found that makes the hand move?

No. And yet the hand moves. And thinking attaches a story to the doing. Again and again.

How is the decision made?

It is not known.

But thoughts apparently have six seconds to notice the decision arising, and create a story to explain it. That's all that's happening here. Again and again.


Thursday March 10 is great. 6 or 6:30 your time?

Thank you, Luchana <3

Checking back in, to notice a couple of things that I have repeated without looking closely at them.

And thinking attaches a story to the doing.

You have pointed at this with me before, that thoughts can't do anything and aren't personal. I keep creating a story that "my thoughts" are doing things. Thoughts appear, that's all.

thoughts apparently have six seconds to notice the decision arising, and create a story to explain it.

Here too, I am attributing action and intention to thoughts, which feeds a vague sense of a "something" that is "doing" things.

The hand moves. Thoughts appear that seem related but are either untrue or not provable as true. Nothing is controlling the arising of thoughts or the content of thoughts or the movement of hand, nothing that can be found.