Letting go

[Padmasukha]

Hello again, and thank you.

Do you want to continue? Or do you want to cling to beliefs that fight against what is?

I would like to continue, please.
With love and gratitude xxx

[Anastacia42]

Good evening & you're welcome.

I still can't give you anything called understanding, but I can give you the illusion of understanding and then I'll point to what it is.

If you have expectations of how something is going to be, when and where do those happen?

In the same way, if you have fears about something when and where do those happen?


Here's a clue:

Time Exercise

There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time, or an event that is moving forward on a linear line, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time? Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next? Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

How long does the ‘now’ last?

Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?

What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or thoughts about ‘time’?



Please remember to quote each question separately & reply underneath.

Loving,

[Padmasukha]

Good Morning. Many thanks again for your patience and generosity.
These are great questions!

If you have expectations of how something is going to be, when and where do those happen?

They arise as thought content, which seems to be related to 'previous' thoughts about things I've heard or read.

In the same way, if you have fears about something when and where do those happen?

They arise in the same way.

But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time?

No. Past and future appear to exist only in thoughts.

Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next? Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

No. It appears both seamless and transitory. There is direct experience 'now', and thought content of previous moments.

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?

Holy shit! Ha ha!
It's not moving at all. There is nowhere to go.

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

No. And now I feel like the dreamers in 'Inception' who are asked 'How did you get here?'

How long does the 'now' last?

It doesn't. It's either no time at all, or never-ending.

Where does the 'now' start, and where does it end?

It can't be never, so it must be without beginning or end.

When does the 'now' exactly become the 'past'?

It doesn't. What's past is nowhere to be found apart from as thought content arising.

What is the 'past' in actual experience?

Just thoughts.

So is there actual experience of 'time' or thoughts about 'time'?

Just thoughts.

With love and thanks xxx

[Anastacia42]

Gotta love it, Steph.

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?
Holy shit! Ha ha!
It's not moving at all. There is nowhere to go.

Mm hmm. LOL at this.

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?
No. And now I feel like the dreamers in 'Inception' who are asked 'How did you get here?'

Ayup!

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)


So about those expectations of some "stronger experience" in the (non-existent) future?

And that omnipotence about "how all things exist?"

How do those look now in Direct/Actual Experience?

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

I won't throw a lot of quotes here. but this is so perfect:

"It's a curious place to be (especially in the beginning) not to be driven by anything--pleasure or displeasure, helping or hurting, loving or hating. The only thing that will move you (and I don't mean to be too poetic about this) is the same thing that moves a leaf hanging from a tree. It's simply because the breeze blows that way. So you always know what to do: The breeze blows that way, and that's the way you go. You don't ask questions anymore. You don't evaluate why the breeze is blowing that way because you know that you don't know why. And you know you can't know why. There's never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment."

~ Adyashanti


Loving,

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy. Thanks for your replies, and the beautiful quote. It's my partner's birthday today so I haven't found time to give this my attention, sorry. We've actually spent most of the day doing admin for the new job he's just started! I'll get to this tomorrow. With love and thanks, Steph xxx

[Anastacia42]

Happy birthday, Partner!

[Padmasukha]

Thank you 😊 xxx

[Padmasukha]

I have a little time here while my partner is on the phone to family.

So about those expectations of some "stronger experience" in the (non-existent) future?

Thought content! And actually, the strongest response is when I read what you've written for the first time.

And that omnipotence about "how all things exist?"

Thought content. For clarification, I was thinking of Buddha's parinirvana, not anything I could expect to encounter in this life. But that's still thought content about things that I have no evidence for in direct experience.

How do those look now in Direct/Actual Experience?

They look like thought content.
Your questions from the other day, when you asked me if I wanted to go on or to cling to my beliefs, really brought me up against how I hold those beliefs. I've considered myself a Buddhist for about twenty six years, and I really had to think about the fact that to continue here might result in those beliefs crumbling. I had to really consider whether I was actually prepared to go on with this, and also how cosy I've become in that belief system! However, it was the search for truth that brought me to the Dharma and has kept me interested in it. My expectation when I started this was that it would fit neatly in to my Buddhist path, as the realisation of 'no self' is presented as a core element of that. I now accept that I have to be prepared that this might just undo it all. Your questions made me wonder if this would result in me feeling like Cypher in the Matrix, wishing he'd never taken the red pill and just wanting to be plugged back into the familiar illusion!!! But when I started this I said I was 10/10 ready to challenge all my beliefs, and I still am. So I've let go of my expectations, as the further we go with this the more I realise that it's impossible to imagine where it's going. And, I'm loving it! Blah, Blah, blah! Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts! I just wanted to let you know where I am with this. Many thanks, Steph xxx

[Anastacia42]

Hi Steph,

You know, there are some pointers I have in my Dropbox, created by a friend/ teacher of mine. He gave this only once. I was there. That's me laughing my head off after Zooming In On Death. Anyway, he recorded them. Oddly I only got the odd numbered ones up, but the Transcript is complete.

In PM, top right, send me an email address & I'll send you a link. Be sure go listen to the Introduction.

After a weekend of these, mind was blown. The last pointer there is "Where is I?" No self found.

Loving,

[Padmasukha]

Hi Stacy . Thanks so much. I've PMd you my email address. I'm really busy tomorrow and Saturday, so I'll save looking at what you share until Sunday, so I can give it some proper attention. With much love and gratitude, xxx

[Padmasukha]

Can I just check, do you want me to listen to only the introduction, or I need to start with the Introduction? Xxx

[Anastacia42]

Just be sure to start with the introduction.

[Padmasukha]

Thank you xxx

[Padmasukha]

Hi there. Wow, there's a lot of material there! Thank you so much. Needless to say, I didn't work through it all in a day. I listened to the Introduction first, and listened to the rest of the recordings, and worked through the transcripts for Zooming in on Death and Perceiving Receiving, so I still have a number left to do. It's a lot to comment on here, so I'll just pick out a few things that have stayed with me most. I loved the 'All It Is" understanding that all there is is what is in direct experience,

"whatever you’re experiencing is that. Ah! This is how God is appearing to me now."

And

"we use this definition of God as everything that exists. And this knowing that the only thing we can know is our experience. So you add one and one together and we get this two that is really less than one that sounds like “this is how God is appearing to me now.”

The shifts in seeing that I had in doing these meditations are subtle, but they're there. There's a more felt sense of perception and the perceived as inseparable. And from the Zooming in on Death/Peace meditations, a stronger felt sense of the infinity of being, Usually when I'm accessing that (or trying to!), it involves a letting go of self and ... Holy Shit. Again! OK, I just saw that differently, but can't say how. So normally I would visualise emptiness and generate as the Buddha, so like Steph is gone, like Steph has to be gone for there to be an infinite. But doing the Zooming in on Peace it was more like Steph's still here and the infinite is here as well and that's OK. What were those words I just quoted?

"this two that is really less than one"

But as I was just writing then, it appeared like yeah, Steph and the infinite are here because we're inseparable, because there is no separate Steph, just all the stuff that's labelled Steph, - appearances of form, feeling, discrimination, etc., and that stuff is an inseparable part of everything. It's not quite clear, but it's clearer than it was.

Whatever we can experience. God is everything. One and one together. This experience, this thought, this sound, whatever it is, that’s just how God is showing up in this moment.

that is how God is showing up at this moment, as the One who experiences, as well as the experience.

Nothing special. Of course, that means everything is special.

This is what I wrote when I was doing the 'tracking back past where the 'I' arises':
Shit! The awareness that I-ness arises in is beginningless and is deathless. Holy shit!!! This be-ing, this awareness, is already the deathless! ‘Wide open is the door of the deathless.’ It goes back before this life and continuous to the next. In fact, it doesn’t go anywhere. There is nowhere to go. (The same as with time.) It just is. It has no beginning or end. No size in space. The is no place that it is or isn’t. Though it feels more like it is!! But how can it be anything, when its only quality is emptiness and awareness?
Gong: ‘… but you can’t kill me…’
What else. OMG the Beginning Thinking stuff! Realising clearer than ever that everything is passing away even as we become aware of it, like a car that we don't see until it's already passed us! The fleetingness and transience of everything. I love how this (and loads of Dharma) stuff matches up with quantum physics. Everything appearing and disappearing constantly. Nothing remaining for more than the most fleeting glimpse.
And the Zooming in on death. I wrote:
What a relief! No more having to be ‘me’. What a release, what a relief! What freedom! To no longer be tied to this body! So why do I care about it now! Just let go of attachment to it. Let go of identifying with it!
Clearly, I am very excited by all of this. And still have more of it to work through.
I'm aware there is still a Steph in all that writing! And when I read over what I've written, it doesn't look like anything new. But I know it at a deeper level.
Again, my deep appreciation and gratitude for all you are sharing. This way of working is such a good fit for me. For years I've had a bunch of practices that I've promised to do every day, and I'm hopeless at that! It creates almost as much guilt as it does benefit. This really direct stuff is amazing.
Thank you xxx