Rio's corner

[rio]

Hi Kay,
Sorry, missed this question in my previous post -

What brain? Can a brain be found in/as your direct actual experience?

A brain cannot be found in my direct actual experience. It's a concept. It's what the AE of thought says. There is just AE of sensation(something touching hand), color(hand) and sound(voice of experimenter). No brain to be found.

I found another similar one -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdxlT68ygt8

thanks
Rio

[forgetmenot]

Hello Rio,

There are not two separate you’s…one which is simply aware and the other which is a figment of your imagination.
It feels like I am relating to life from these 2 point of views at different points during the day.

There are many aspects to the self that we identify with. Until we are willing to look at where we identify, where we get caught up with persona’s and roles, then we will continue to identify as those and forget what we really are. I am sure you have had days when everything is flowing and you are feeling peaceful and content. Then something happens and you find yourself triggered by an event/person and you are reacting to them. You may find yourself identifying as the abandoned self, the lonely self, the people pleasing self, the jealous self, the unworthy self, the rageful self, the approval seeking self, the unlovable self, the prideful self, the guilty self, the shameful self, the fearful self ..and the list goes on..there are many ‘selves’ that appear and we get caught up within them until we start to process our conditioning, beliefs and trauma in order to see that we are not these selves and that they are simply an appearance which we are aware of. When the attachment to these identities begin to diminish, it becomes easier and easier to see that we are not those selves and if and when they do appear, we no longer go down the rabbit hole with them. But this takes time as these identities/selves don’t disappear overnight and won’t disappear when you clearly see that you are not the separate self you think yourself to be (that you actually THINK yourself into being).

Sometimes I look at (give meaning to) whatever is arising from an Awareness standpoint and things are what they are and do not affect me. I don't know how things arise and what they are and I am in awe that there is something other than nothing and there is gratitude for whatever arises instead of judgment.
Most other times I seem to be looking at everything from the standpoint of the limited/not good enough 'me' and it's beliefs about life. As if I know how life should be.

Awareness doesn’t have a standpoint. Awareness is simply aware. There is not you and awareness. Unfortunately, like the rest of us, there is a phase where you believe you have to become just awareness itself. Awareness is not some special way of being, or some special Being….awareness is simply your everyday awareness which is aware of whatever is appearing. How can it not be when it is appearing in your field of awareness? If you get angry, for example, there is no judgement around the anger, because you are clear that it is simply an appearance arising in that moment. When you are caught up in the identification with being the angry one…then you hold onto the story by judging yourself for getting angry and believing you shouldn't have gotten angry! It’s not about not having emotions, nor about reacting…but not having an attachment to any particular way of being. If you are seeking to become the one that is ‘never affected’, then you have already set up an identity as being a self who is ‘never affected’. It’s not about any of that. It’s about not being perturbed about how you show up or how like unfolds. Non-resistance, non-attachment and non-judgement are the 3 aspects of true freedom to living from an awakened perspective.

Whose imagination would that be but yours! The false self is that which is a figment of imagination…the false self is the psychological process with which we have become so accustomed to identifying with

Feels like habit, familiarity and the continuous reinforcement of this world view from the people/society around me that keeps me tethered to this false identification.

Nope, the only thing that keeps you tethered to the idea of the separate self is the belief that you are the many selves that you show up as AND the unconscious desire to remain tethered. Yther people and society have nothing to do with it. Meaning given to others and the world are a projection from your mind. You have given everything all the meaning it means to you…no one else. You have always been realised, it’s just that you haven’t realised it! You don’t stop going to work, the mundane remains the mundane. Life doesn’t become extraordinary, and you don’t become a new character that goes by the name of Awareness! There are no lightning bolts; no special ways of being, no trumpeting angels, no new dimensions open up etc. Life doesn’t change, your attitude yourself and life is what can and does change.

The phases of awakening as written by Qingyuan Weixin:-
At the first level on the path he saw mountains as mountains and rivers as rivers.
On the second level of the path he saw that mountains are not mountains and rivers are not rivers.
And at a third level he saw once again mountains were mountains and rivers were rivers.

When you realised that Santa Claus was a fictional character and that the Santa you saw at the mall was actually someone dressed up as Santa; other than changing your perception of what he is and the story about him and who he is and what he does, did anything else change? In other words, your attitude about Santa is what changed. Christmas still comes and goes does it not? Santa and carol singers still appear at Christmas time and depending on where you live, snow still falls at that time of year. Stories about Santa are still told to children, Santa is still seen on street corners and at shopping malls at Christmas time, gifts are still exchanged and family arguments on Christmas day still happen! There is simply a knowing that Santa and the story about Santa are fictional, and that which was dressing up to play the role of Santa, was not a Santa at all.

So although you never actually became the character in the dream, for a short period of time you believed you were because you became aware that your appearance as the character is temporary (but what you are is not)…so you continue to play out the character even when you realise that you are not the character, albeit a character with a different attitude as identification via conditioning, beliefs etc are seen through. You could say that, you, as Consciousness dresses up to play the role of Rio and continues to do so until the body is no more. At times what you are is forgotten as you get caught up as being the character because there are sticky points that keep you identified until they don’t.

What is it exactly that is ‘not good enough’? It can’t be you, because what you ARE is Whole and does not need others love and approval to BE. What you ARE does not need to measure up or prove itself to BE

I resonate with this, even want it to be the case, even know that this has to be the case but I just don't understand why I still cannot see/accept it fully.
You probably hear this complain a lot :)

What is there to accept? You are already what you seek! Frustrating answer, I know! There is no time frame to when this becomes fully realised, it all depends on how diligent you are at looking at and processing conditioning, trauma and beliefs. Those contractions you feel in the body that make it feel like (that seem to confirm) you are not good enough, for example, are what needs to be explored. All those sensations that give you meaning…all have to be explored and processed. Just because you might intellectually know all of this stuff, unconsciously there is a lot going on and what is unconscious needs to be brought to the light of your awareness. You are spirit/Consciousness having a human experience…so all the many selves that you appear as and identify as are yours to explore in order for you to see that they are not you.

Can a thought or sound, for example be known without your knowing of them?

No. Them being know and my knowing of them are the same thing which happens at the same time.

Yes, because a thought is not what thought says it is. You can’t find where a thought comes from for one simple reason, it’s not a thing. There isn’t thought AND the experiencer of thought. Thought isn't known because of its label, appearance or its content...it is known because it is THIS/experience appearing exactly as it is. Just as colour, sound etc aren’t known because it is colour or sound, or that they are appearances…they are known because they are THIS/experience appearing exactly as it is. They cannot be something different from the Knowing, because they are made of/from Knowing, therefore there is no beginning or end of sound, thought, smell, colour, because they do not exist as things...they are the ALL THAT IS, appearing as exactly as it is...whole and seamless.

Can they appear outside of your awareness?

This is a tough one
I am only aware of what is going on in my awareness. I don't know if they exist outside my awareness. I wouldn't be able to tell if they appear outside my awareness.

Exactly, that is why we can only ever know what is in our direct actual experience. Let’s say you are sitting in your bedroom. How is it known that outside of the bedroom is a room called a kitchen? Or that your partner is watching TV in something called the lounge-room? How can it be known that another labelled as 'partner' even exists at that moment? If anything outside of the 'bedroom' is not being directly experienced, is it known or imagined?



Looking at this picture and just working with the colours, thought says that the yellow, peach and green areas in this picture are an object called ‘me’. Thought also calls these colours your body. Thought also says that the other colours are something else.

Is there a division between the body and not-body, or is that division imagined? And seeing that divisions are only ever imagined, could a body ever really be present at all?

Thought also says that the blue and tan colour is called a ‘door’, and that there is something behind the door. How is it known that there is something behind the door?

Having said that, Have I ever come in contact with anything outside my awareness? No. Every experience is inside awareness.

If there was something outside of your awareness then that means that separation is real and that there are something called objects; therefore that which is seamless and whole whole is not seamless, and may or may not have something missing from it! There are not 8 billion people all with their own separate stand alone Consciousness, there is one Consciousness appearing as 8 billion people.

Should I assume that there is something outside awareness?
In case of thought, It's easier to say that they don't exist outside my awareness since it is not a shared experience and other people cannot see my thoughts. Tough one for me in-case of objects. I don't know.
I am still having difficulty with the idea that the sound/objects/world doesn't exist out there apart from my knowing of it.

And here you thought you didn’t believe in beliefs! ;) So you are talking to someone on the phone and they are talking about seeing a beautiful sunrise as they are talking to you.

How is it known that there is a someone at the other end of the phone?
What is the AE of ‘phone’?
What is the AE of ‘other’ in that moment?
What is the AE of ‘others voice’?

Can what is being said (beautiful sunrise), be found in your direct actual experience ie can you find the colours ‘beautiful sunrise’ in your direct actual experience in that moment? If not, then how can it be known that it what is happening?

Can the knowing of something exist outside awareness? No. Knowing is what an experience is.

The only thing to objects is the knowing, therefore the object is shining of knowing. All there is to the objects is knowing.

Do this with thought as well.
In actual experience, is there a dividing line between where a thought ends and where the knowing of it starts?
There is no dividing line between where a thought ends and where the knowing of it starts. The knowing of the thought is the thought.

I don’t understand what you mean when you say “The knowing of the thought is the thought”…can you explain what you mean please.

Can it be known where a thought ends and the knowing of it begins?

The knowing of the thought begins with the thought and ends with the thought. The knowing of the thought does not start after the thought has arisen. There is just knowing of the thought in actual experience.

When thoughts are seen as things, then it seems this way. However, if you drop the label ‘thought’ that is given to an appearance labelled as 'thought', then what actually IS? Is there thought AND the experience of thought?

What brain? Can a brain be found in/as your direct actual experience?

A brain cannot be found in my direct actual experience. It's a concept. It's what the AE of thought says. There is just AE of sensation(something touching hand), color(hand) and sound(voice of experimenter). No brain to be found.

The label 'brain' is AE of thought and not AE of a brain
Thoughts about a brain are AE of thought and not AE of a brain

I found another similar one -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdxlT68ygt8

This video is great and so comprehensive in showing how there is no actual correlation between sight and sensation and that it is all mind! Thank you for sharing it with me. Isn't it just mind-boggling to how this world is set up to seem to be made of matter and to be so solid and real, when there is no solid matter and no separate things.

Kay

[rio]

Hi Kay,

Exactly, that is why we can only ever know what is in our direct actual experience. Let’s say you are sitting in your bedroom. How is it known that outside of the bedroom is a room called a kitchen? Or that your partner is watching TV in something called the lounge-room? How can it be known that another labelled as 'partner' even exists at that moment? If anything outside of the 'bedroom' is not being directly experienced, is it known or imagined?

Yes, whatever is not present in my direct experience is imagined, it is not known.
The Existence of a 'kitchen' is not known in direct experience. AE of thought/imagination says it is so.
Only the 'bedroom' and things in it are known. What's outside the bedroom is not known. The 'partner', 'TV', 'lounge room' and anything outside is not known, it's only imagined to be there. The existence of anything outside the bedroom is not known.


This reminded me of Douglas Harding's - having no head :)

Is there a division between the body and not-body, or is that division imagined? And seeing that divisions are only ever imagined, could a body ever really be present at all?

There is no division between the body and not-body. It is one seamless AE of color. The division is imagined. The body and the environment are not disconnected. They seem to move in harmony as one. There is no body separate from the environment/background.
'could a body ever really be present at all' - Thoughts labels different objects within this one seamless AE of color and calls it this and that.

Thought also says that the blue and tan colour is called a ‘door’, and that there is something behind the door. How is it known that there is something behind the door?

It is not known there is something behind that door. Thought constructs a 3D world from all the experiences in memory and makes a best guess. It is an assumption and not known to be the case.

So you are talking to someone on the phone and they are talking about seeing a beautiful sunrise as they are talking to you.
How is it known that there is a someone at the other end of the phone?

There is just AE of sound(voice) and AE of color(phone). AE of thought then gives an explanation/stories of there being an other located in some far away place etc. It is known only through AE of thought.

What is the AE of ‘phone’?

AE of color

What is the AE of ‘other’ in that moment?

AE of thought

What is the AE of ‘others voice’?

AE of sound

Can what is being said (beautiful sunrise), be found in your direct actual experience ie can you find the colours ‘beautiful sunrise’ in your direct actual experience in that moment? If not, then how can it be known that it what is happening?

There is no AE of 'beautiful sunrise' in that moment. It is not known to be happening.

Do this with thought as well.
In actual experience, is there a dividing line between where a thought ends and where the knowing of it starts?
There is no dividing line between where a thought ends and where the knowing of it starts. The knowing of the thought is the thought.

I don’t understand what you mean when you say “The knowing of the thought is the thought”…can you explain what you mean please.

The knowing of the thought is the same as the thought that is known. What we call as thought is actually not a thing but the knowing of it. There is no separate thing called a thought that exists apart from the knowing of it.

When thoughts are seen as things, then it seems this way. However, if you drop the label ‘thought’ that is given to an appearance labelled as 'thought', then what actually IS? Is there thought AND the experience of thought?

There is just the experience of the thought/knowing of the thought.

Isn't it just mind-boggling to how this world is set up to seem to be made of matter and to be so solid and real, when there is no solid matter and no separate things.

It's an assumption. However, the belief is so deeply ingrained :(
Latest Science is also suggesting that space/time and a pre-existing 3D world is an incorrect model of reality. Donald Hoffman and Bernardo Kastrup's work is also in those lines and has helped loosen some of my beliefs.


thanks
Rio

[forgetmenot]

Hello Rio,

Thought also says that the blue and tan colour is called a ‘door’, and that there is something behind the door. How is it known that there is something behind the door?

It is not known there is something behind that door. Thought constructs a 3D world from all the experiences in memory and makes a best guess. It is an assumption and not known to be the case.

And without thought it cannot be known that the colour labelled as ‘blue’ and ‘tan’ are something called a door!

What is the AE of ‘phone’?

AE of color

The AE of ‘phone’ is thought. Thought points to colour and labels it ‘phone’.

What is the AE of ‘other’ in that moment?

AE of thought

Yes.

What is the AE of ‘others voice’?

AE of sound

The AE of ‘others voice’ is AE of thought. Thought points to sound and labels it ‘others voice’.

Can what is being said (beautiful sunrise), be found in your direct actual experience ie can you find the colours ‘beautiful sunrise’ in your direct actual experience in that moment? If not, then how can it be known that it what is happening?

There is no AE of 'beautiful sunrise' in that moment. It is not known to be happening.

Exactly! All that is known in that moment is what is in your direct actual experience.

When thoughts are seen as things, then it seems this way. However, if you drop the label ‘thought’ that is given to an appearance labelled as 'thought', then what actually IS? Is there thought AND the experience of thought?

There is just the experience of the thought/knowing of the thought.

There is just experience/THIS seemingly appearing as what thought labels as ‘thought’. There is no thought AND experience…there is simply experience appearing exactly as it is.

Let’s look at a table, and for the sake of this experiment, let’s say it is the colour brown.
Now totally ignore the label ‘table’ and you are left with the label ‘brown’.
Totally ignore the label ‘brown’ and you are left with the label ‘colour’.
Now ignore the label ‘colour’ and what are you left with, what is actually always here?

Isn't it just mind-boggling to how this world is set up to seem to be made of matter and to be so solid and real, when there is no solid matter and no separate things.

It's an assumption. However, the belief is so deeply ingrained :(

Is it still deeply ingrained? You are aware that when you look nothing is solid. So is it still a deeply ingrained belief? Is it not simply a concept now?

Latest Science is also suggesting that space/time and a pre-existing 3D world is an incorrect model of reality. Donald Hoffman and Bernardo Kastrup's work is also in those lines and has helped loosen some of my beliefs.

All of that is in the realms of thought. All that ever needs to happen is for you to check what your actual experience is, for you to know what IS and what thought postulates is.

Okay…so to continue on with the idea of control, choice and decision. The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

You need to get any two different drinks you like for this exercise, ie coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc. One will be drink A the other will be drink B

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.
2. Count to 5.
3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:
Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting? Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the ‘choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to ‘choose’?

Kay

[rio]

Hi Kay,

there are many ‘selves’ that appear and we get caught up within them until we start to process our conditioning, beliefs and trauma in order to see that we are not these selves and that they are simply an appearance which we are aware of.
so all the many selves that you appear as and identify as are yours to explore in order for you to see that they are not you.

Yes, I noticed contradictory self's(loving vs hating) arising at different times.And they all feel like 1 same self because I am identifying with each one of them.

the only thing that keeps you tethered to the idea of the separate self is the belief that you are the many selves that you show up as AND the unconscious desire to remain tethered.

There seems to be some fear associated with moving away from what is familiar, fueling the unconscious desire to remain tethered. Life's blows seem to have shaken/uprooted that up somewhat. There is some fear to let go completely.

Non-resistance, non-attachment and non-judgement are the 3 aspects of true freedom to living from an awakened perspective.

The primary theme that seems to be recurring for me is 'life was/is/will be unfair to me'. Most of the resistance and judgement is centered around this in my case. There is attachment to this idea of 'unfairness/victim'.

They cannot be something different from the Knowing, because they are made of/from Knowing, therefore there is no beginning or end of sound, thought, smell, colour, because they do not exist as things...they are the ALL THAT IS, appearing as exactly as it is...whole and seamless.

yes, I cannot find any real separation in space/time dividing experience no matter how much I try.
Thoughts identify and label parts of this seamless whole experience and then create a conceptual model of reality with separate things interacting with each other.

There are not 8 billion people all with their own separate stand alone Consciousness, there is one Consciousness appearing as 8 billion people.

I make sense of this as Consciousness is the ultimate reality out of which everything(appearance) is made. The ultimate reality then has to be my essence as well. However, I don't see this yet because I am(my identity is) mixed up/identified with a lot of selves.
Also I resonate with 'Only consciousness is conscious', people, body etc are not.

Let’s look at a table, and for the sake of this experiment, let’s say it is the colour brown.
Now totally ignore the label ‘table’ and you are left with the label ‘brown’.
Totally ignore the label ‘brown’ and you are left with the label ‘colour’.
Now ignore the label ‘colour’ and what are you left with, what is actually always here?

There is a knowing of something is here(AE of color) and it is indescribable.
In an attempt to describe it thought labels it as 'color', further categorizes it as 'brown', further as 'table'.

You are aware that when you look nothing is solid. So is it still a deeply ingrained belief? Is it not simply a concept now?

Yes, I now realize it is a concept. Anything other than direct actual experience is a concept.

All that ever needs to happen is for you to check what your actual experience is, for you to know what IS and what thought postulates is.

Thanks for this pointer about needing to stick with direct actual experience and not thinking/conceptualizing about it.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

The question 'what are it's qualities' arose and then it was immediately followed by a list of qualities. The qualities appeared by themselves and I did not choose any of them. I had no control on which qualities will/won't appear.
That was immediately followed by the thought 'let's have something sweet' and other preferences. The preferences manifested all by themselves. I did not choose any of the preferences. The preferences also popped up by themselves.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting? Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

Step 2 started as soon as step 1 was done by itself and preferences took the back seat. I did not choose the sequence of the events. I did not choose to shutdown the preferences to give way to counting.
I did not experience any mental function/faculty doing the 'choosing', it just happened. I have not seen any such function in action.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

The choice just happened. After counting to 5, I picked up the orange juice instead of water and had a sip. I did not witness/directly experience any mental function/faculty doing the 'choosing'.
Nothing arose announcing to be the chooser.
the sequence of events just played out seamlessly one after the other without anything in between them 'choosing' the next event.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the ‘choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to ‘choose’?

On investigation, I can't find anything doing the choosing. A 'feeling' can't choose. It's not in it's nature to choose.

In my case, Many times after a choice has happened a thought 'man, you should have picked the other option' or 'that was a good choice' also arises all by itself. Some felt sense of Regret/satisfaction arises. Then the understanding that it happened and I wasn't in control/did the choosing kicks in.
I don't seem to spend a lot of time dwelling over past choices, however an immediate regret does arise.
Also in the case of this experiment regret arose that 'I should have chugged some water first before drinking the orange juice'

thanks,
Rio

[forgetmenot]

Hello Rio,

there are many ‘selves’ that appear and we get caught up within them until we start to process our conditioning, beliefs and trauma in order to see that we are not these selves and that they are simply an appearance which we are aware of.
so all the many selves that you appear as and identify as are yours to explore in order for you to see that they are not you.

Yes, I noticed contradictory self's(loving vs hating) arising at different times.And they all feel like 1 same self because I am identifying with each one of them.

Instead of simply being aware of how we are showing up, we are initially fused to each self that appears and think that “I am the sad self”, “I am the jealous self”, “I am the rejected self”, “I am the angry self” and so on. It’s good to process whatever it is that has triggered you and to feel the sensations totally, and then to look at your direct actual experience. But don’t bypass what has been triggered by looking at your direct actual experience and telling yourself that ‘anger’, for example, is just content of thought and therefore illusory....and don’t expect emotions to disappear. So anger itself is not the problem, nor are the emotions triggered by the anger. The problem is the reactions to these emotions, including the our reactions to our anger, as it is these reactions that reinforce the anger and the belief in you BEING the angry self, when in fact it is simply an appearance that arises and subsides.

the only thing that keeps you tethered to the idea of the separate self is the belief that you are the many selves that you show up as AND the unconscious desire to remain tethered.

There seems to be some fear associated with moving away from what is familiar, fueling the unconscious desire to remain tethered. Life's blows seem to have shaken/uprooted that up somewhat. There is some fear to let go completely.

Yes…so when you look honestly at the question “who would you be without your story”…there is fear because we have no idea and all sorts of thoughts and mental images appear trying to work it out, and the mind usually goes to fearful thoughts and images…because that is what it does. Its job is to protect you and that is how it does it. So being fearful is normal. The fear isn’t about the unknown but is about the leaving of the known. And it takes quite some time to see that life isn’t happening to you and that life isn’t punishing you in some way. That is our perception because of conditioning and trauma.

The Work of Byron Katie is a great tool for looking at thoughts/beliefs. One of the questions of inquiry is “how do you react when you have the thought”. You become aware of how you react and this is great because you get to see how you are living life through your reactions, and from this you see how you hardly ever living life in the present moment.

What are you letting go of exactly...the illusory self, or more so the idea of the illusory self unravels over time. There is no self to let go of because the illusory self is exactly that…an illusion. It is simply a thought system that unites thought and sensations together which we have believed to be me. It is the gentle washing and rinsing of conditioning, beliefs and trauma that enables the thought-sensation combinations to let us go.

Non-resistance, non-attachment and non-judgement are the 3 aspects of true freedom to living from an awakened perspective.

The primary theme that seems to be recurring for me is 'life was/is/will be unfair to me'. Most of the resistance and judgement is centered around this in my case. There is attachment to this idea of 'unfairness/victim'.

Well you are aware of this idea of being the victim…and that is great! It is the ‘feeling tone’ of the body sensations that seem to verify that you are a victim. Let's say that someone annoys you. A sensation comes up. The "feeling tone" of the sensation is that you feel like you are being victimized or attacked. This is a concept of course, but the thought containing it is there. So when the sensation arises and is felt, it seems to be verifying that you are a victim and that life is unfair. All sensations have a ‘feeling tone’ to them. So you can start by becoming aware of what the ‘feeling tones’ are. How? When next triggered and a sensation arises…just ask yourself with your focus been on the sensation, “what does this sensation say about me” and then wait for the answers to arise. It’s good to do this with pen and paper at hand.

There are not 8 billion people all with their own separate stand alone Consciousness, there is one Consciousness appearing as 8 billion people.

I make sense of this as Consciousness is the ultimate reality out of which everything(appearance) is made. The ultimate reality then has to be my essence as well. However, I don't see this yet because I am(my identity is) mixed up/identified with a lot of selves.
Also I resonate with 'Only consciousness is conscious', people, body etc are not.

Well Consciousness is appearing as people. However, each person does not have their own stand-alone Consciousness. When we start to LOOK it soon becomes apparent that ultimately there is no separate thing here, and what looks like us living life is actually a wonderful ruse…because we are actually being lived.

Let’s look at a table, and for the sake of this experiment, let’s say it is the colour brown.
Now totally ignore the label ‘table’ and you are left with the label ‘brown’.
Totally ignore the label ‘brown’ and you are left with the label ‘colour’.
Now ignore the label ‘colour’ and what are you left with, what is actually always here?

There is a knowing of something is here(AE of color) and it is indescribable.
In an attempt to describe it thought labels it as 'color', further categorizes it as 'brown', further as 'table'.

All that is left/remains, or all that is here when you peel back the layers of labels and stories by thought is Consciousness/THIS appearing exactly as it is. It is thought that divides what is whole and then isolates one particular thing and says…that is a stand alone object, it is brown in colour and is solid and is a table. That is why we say that it is Consciousness seemingly appearing as a table. There is no table, all there is, is Consciousness.

Look at this doodle. It looks like there are a lot of separate things…right?



Life seems to be a gigantic soup of experience that is grouped, categorised and labelled as things. There seems to be a ‘me’ that is ‘here’ that is experiencing things that are ‘out there’. And all those things ‘out there’ are all individual separate things.

None of it is separated except through thought because all of the images present are just one big canvas. Sounds overlap and intrude on each other, and there is a thought that says “I can separate bird song from car horns. Look! See? I've just named them!” But what is actually appearing is sound, with perhaps an image of a bird and an image of a car, and thoughts ABOUT sound appearing as a bird and car!

And thought appears saying “I can separate a cat from a book. See, I’ve just named them!” But what is actually appearing is colour and thoughts ABOUT colour appearing as shapes/images labelled ‘cat’ and ‘book’.

‘Things’ seemingly appear and there are never not things, but have a LOOK to see what is actually appearing.

What separates things? What makes up the borders? Can we pluck a thing out of the scenery in front of us? If not, is it truly separate or is it thought about variation in observed qualities which makes it so?

The next time you are watching television, look at the screen and see whether you can pluck an object from the scene. Are there objects existing inside the screen or is the image a seamless whole? What is it that makes it seem as though there are separate objects in the picture? Are they truly separated?

All that ever needs to happen is for you to check what your actual experience is, for you to know what IS and what thought postulates is.

Thanks for this pointer about needing to stick with direct actual experience and not thinking/conceptualizing about it.

Yes…all these exercises and pointers aren’t just for that short duration in which you do the exercise and then answer the questions given. It’s about incorporating all of it into you day to day life, otherwise you will just be spinning your wheels.

A great tool to use to see whether thought is adding “virtual layers” via stories about experience, is to replace the thought itself with “blahblahblah” to see if what thought is referring to remains. The more complex the idea, the more “virtual layers” have been added. So the layers of the story, which are pure fantasy need to be stripped away, until all that remains is the bare bones.

A simple example is if thought appears saying “I am confused”. Does the thought “I am confused” contain any actual confusion? Replace that thought with “blahblahblah” and see what remains. Let me know how you go.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the ‘choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to ‘choose’?

On investigation, I can't find anything doing the choosing. A 'feeling' can't choose. It's not in it's nature to choose.

Yes. As I have mentioned before, the words ‘sense’ & ‘feeling’ always indicates a thought (sometimes an interpretation of a body sensation, but not necessarily a correct interpretation.)

In my case, Many times after a choice has happened a thought 'man, you should have picked the other option' or 'that was a good choice' also arises all by itself. Some felt sense of Regret/satisfaction arises. Then the understanding that it happened and I wasn't in control/did the choosing kicks in.
I don't seem to spend a lot of time dwelling over past choices, however an immediate regret does arise.
Also in the case of this experiment regret arose that 'I should have chugged some water first before drinking the orange juice'

And the good thing is, is that you are aware of this happening. Investigate the regret when it arises. You regretting whatever it is you are regretting….what does the regret say about you (not the event that you are regretting)…what does it make you? Watch all the thoughts that come up and don’t suppress any thoughts or sensations that arise as you explore.

Okay, so we have been looking at the idea of a controller, decider and chooser which all have to do with the idea of personal doership. So let's take a further look at the idea of being the doer - of doership.

We’ll do an experiment using only the sense of seeing.

Take a few relaxed breaths to let the dust settle for a while, and then:
Look to your right.
Then look to your left.
Finally, bring your head back to centre, close your eyes and look in front.

Okay, so when you look to the right, the view on the right is seen (whatever that is).
When you look to the left, the view on the left is seen (whatever that is).
And then, when you look in front of you with eyes closed, the view in front is seen (ie ‘black space’).

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is, can you turn seeing off? Can you NOT see what is seen? Is there a choice in what you see, in what you are aware of?

Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?

Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?

Can you turn off seeing?

Is there a chooser who chooses what is seen?

If you can't choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?

Kay

[rio]

Hi Kay,

The fear isn’t about the unknown but is about the leaving of the known

Yes, there is fear about navigating life by leaving the known.
I feel this tendency of the mind to come up with any story impulsively and believe it is what has gotten me in this mess. All these unconscious beliefs now that I will have to process consciously.

The Work of Byron Katie is a great tool for looking at thoughts/beliefs. One of the questions of inquiry is “how do you react when you have the thought”

Mostly as if it is my thought. I have to remind myself that it's just a thought arising from underlying/unquestioned beliefs.

It is the gentle washing and rinsing of conditioning, beliefs and trauma that enables the thought-sensation combinations to let us go.

Thanks for pointing out this thought-sensation combo.

So you can start by becoming aware of what the ‘feeling tones’ are. How? When next triggered and a sensation arises…just ask yourself with your focus been on the sensation, “what does this sensation say about me” and then wait for the answers to arise. It’s good to do this with pen and paper at hand.

I noticed how different sensations have been associated with thought stories(maybe from past traumas)
In my case somehow the sensation of sinus pressure has become synonymous with shame and embarrassment. As a result I feel shame more often when I have a cold. Was always puzzled by this.
When I focus on the sensation, nothing happens. It's just neutral. The stories stop spinning.
I guess it would be better if some story regarding the original trauma arose. I will keep trying.

It’s about incorporating all of it into you day to day life, otherwise you will just be spinning your wheels.

I have started incorporating all the 'looking' in daily living. Otherwise I fear that old habits and tendencies might undo any progress I am making.

A simple example is if thought appears saying “I am confused”. Does the thought “I am confused” contain any actual confusion? Replace that thought with “blahblahblah” and see what remains. Let me know how you go.

I wasn't able to do this exercise with a straight face. Every time I tried it, it got funny and I just end up laughing and I lose my train of thought. The more serious and complex the thought train, the funnier it is.

what does the regret say about you (not the event that you are regretting)…what does it make you? Watch all the thoughts that come up and don’t suppress any thoughts or sensations that arise as you explore.

it's always 'How can I be so stupid?' ,'I failed', 'i am a failure'. The sensation is generally that of pressure from my eyebrows clenching. Frustration feeling tone.

So, when the view on the right is seen, do you have the ‘choice’ not to see? I’m not asking can you ‘choose’ to see something else like another view or ‘black space’ if you close your eyes. The question is, can you turn seeing off? Can you NOT see what is seen? Is there a choice in what you see, in what you are aware of?

I have no choice in what is seen. Whatever was there in the view on the right was seen. I couldn't selectively choose to see certain things and not see other things.

Same thing with the view on the left, can you NOT see the view on the left?

I saw whatever was there in the view on the left. Things I might like/dislike, want to see, not want to see.

Same thing with the view in front with closed eyes, can you NOT see the ‘black space’?

the 'black space' was seen. I could not NOT see it.

Can you turn off seeing?

I cannot turn off seeing. Eyes open/closed seeing takes place.

Is there a chooser who chooses what is seen?

No. There is no choice in the matter of what should be seen and what shouldn't be seen.

If you can't choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?

nothing :)
This does make me feel pretty helpless, like the world/experiences are impinging on me and I have to just bear them.
The fact that I have no choice in the matter of what's going on and what might come next does induce fear of the future.


thanks,
Rio

[forgetmenot]

Hello Rio,

The fear isn’t about the unknown but is about the leaving of the known

Yes, there is fear about navigating life by leaving the known.
I feel this tendency of the mind to come up with any story impulsively and believe it is what has gotten me in this mess. All these unconscious beliefs now that I will have to process consciously.

What you has been navigating life exactly? Where is this "I" that has been navigating life? Where is it located? Please describe it to me in detail.

There wasn’t a you who was navigating life yesterday, a year ago or 5 years ago, and there won’t be one who is going to navigate life tomorrow. Life simple unfold…life is lifing and you are along for the ride.

We have all believed our stories impulsively because we didn’t know any better. It’s not about blaming anyone or even the mind for anything. It’s now starting to become aware of what is, and to gently look at stories that keep us identified as different aspects of a finite self.

The Work of Byron Katie is a great tool for looking at thoughts/beliefs. One of the questions of inquiry is “how do you react when you have the though

t”
Mostly as if it is my thought. I have to remind myself that it's just a thought arising from underlying/unquestioned beliefs.

I would suggest that you go to her website or to Youtube and watch her videos as she takes people through The Work.

It is the gentle washing and rinsing of conditioning, beliefs and trauma that enables the thought-sensation combinations to let us go.

Thanks for pointing out this thought-sensation combo.

“Intense contraction/sensation” in the body is not the ACTUAL experience of anger; it's the actual experience of SENSATION.
"Gritted teeth" is not the ACTUAL experience of anger; it's the actual experience of SENSATION ".
Feeling “hot” in the body is not the ACTUAL experience of anger, it’s the actual experience of SENSATION.
Mental image of “angry face" is not the ACTUAL experience of anger; it's the actual experience of THOUGHT.
Image of “angry face’ is not the ACTUAL experience of anger, it’s the actual experience of COLOUR.
"Thoughts of stupidity and regret" is not the ACTUAL experience of anger; it's the actual experience of THOUGHTS.
A real temper tantrum!" is not the ACTUAL experience of anger; it's the actual experience of THOUGHT (story)

A simple example is if thought appears saying “I am confused”. Does the thought “I am confused” contain any actual confusion? Replace that thought with “blahblahblah” and see what remains. Let me know how you go.

I wasn't able to do this exercise with a straight face. Every time I tried it, it got funny and I just end up laughing and I lose my train of thought. The more serious and complex the thought train, the funnier it is.

Great! So you can use this tool anywhere, at any time to see if what thought is saying is fact.

If you can't choose what you're aware of, then what else is there to choose?

nothing :)
This does make me feel pretty helpless, like the world/experiences are impinging on me and I have to just bear them.
The fact that I have no choice in the matter of what's going on and what might come next does induce fear of the future.

For some seeing this brings them immense freedom, whilst for others it induces fear, and yet we have never been in control, we have never decided or chosen anything. It SEEMS like we have, and that is the benevolence of the dream.

What is the AE of ‘future’?
What is the AE of ‘past’?

Even science shows us that we don’t actually choose! The choice is made prior to us getting the message that “I am choosing……”.

https://vimeo.com/90101368


Let’s look at ‘fear’. Remember that you are aware of whatever is appearing; aware of all thoughts, images and sensation; therefore you cannot actually be IN what is appearing ie you cannot be IN the sensation itself that is labelled as 'fear'. You are that which is aware of it.

I would like you to do this exercise several times. There will be stories that evoke fear...so use those stories to do this exercise. Take a couple of days if needed.

When ‘fear’ appears, become aware of where the sensation is appearing in the body. Close your eyes and notice everything that is arising along with the body sensation/s ie, thoughts and mental images and thoughts about the past events etc.

With eyes still closed and still noticing sensations, thoughts, images etc…investigate the following.

1) Look at the label/thought ‘fear’ itself. See the label/word F E A R or the thought “I am “scared/fearful” (whatever the particular thought is) as typewritten word/s in the ‘mind’s eye’ across the forehead.

Is the label or the thought the fearful self?
Does the label ‘fear’ or the thought know anything about fear, or is the word/thought just a bunch of letters?
Is the label ‘fear’ or thought itself, fearful?
Can you find anyone/anything in the word/thought itself that is fearful?

2) Are any mental images appearing? Just keep noticing what images are appearing and investigate the images.

Are those arising mental images the fearful self, or are they just images that are arising and subsiding?
Can you find anyone/anything in the images that is fearful?

3) While your eyes are still closed, look at the mental image/outline, more so a facsimile type image of the body.

Does the image/outline itself know anything about ‘fear’.
And then look to see if there is anyone/anything in image that knows anything about ‘fear’ or that can be ‘fearful’.


If other random mental images appear during the noticing of the sensation, check to see if those images are the self who is fearful, or are they images that are simply arising and subsiding? If other ‘loud’ thoughts appear, check to see if they are the self that is fearful, as you did in step 1.

4) Then once all thoughts and mental images have been investigated, look at the sensation. Divested of the thoughts and images that are attached to the sensation…all that is there is raw sensation.

Inquire into the sensation and ask if the sensation itself knows anything about ‘fear’.
Look and see if the sensation itself is the fearful self. If the words ‘yes’ or other thoughts appears, go back to Step 1 and see the word/s ‘yes’ or the thought across the forehead and repeat step 1.

Does the sensation itself suggest in any way that it is fear, or that it is fearful?
Does the sensation itself know anything about fear?
Can you find anyone/anything IN the sensation itself, or behind the sensation that is fearful?

If mental images appear during the noticing of the sensation, go back and do step 2. Check to see if those images are the self who is fearful, or are they images that are simply arising and subsiding? If other ‘loud’ thoughts appear, check to see if they are an actual self that is fearful as you did in step 1.

5) With eyes still closed look carefully everywhere and see if you can find anyone or anything that is fearful.

Did you find anyone or anything?

When you have done this and when all thoughts, stories and images have faded out, what is left is just raw sensation. If thoughts and images continue to appear, let them pass on by unless they seem to hang around, then do the appropriate steps above. But once you are at just raw sensation without the thoughts, stories and images, allow the sensation all the room it needs in the body without pushing it aside or judging it…remembering to breathe normally in and out through the nose.

If the sensation becomes too intense, inhale gently and fully into the sensation itself and exhale into the space around it. Do this several times if necessary. If it still remains too intense to be with, breathe deeply into the sensation again; notice the floor under your feet, your backside on the chair and the sounds in the room, and then open your eyes and notice what is in the room you are sitting in. Name those things out loud while still noticing the sensation - and remember to breathe normally! If the sensation does not dissipate at all, or only dissipates a little, that is okay. Just notice it without doing anything with it, and just go about your day and repeat the exercise later on until you are able to sit with the sensations without wanting to move away from it, without needing it to change or leave.

We are not trying to get rid of the sensation labelled ‘fear’ or the arising thoughts or images; we are only LOOKING to see what those appearances actually are as opposed to just believing what thought is saying ABOUT what actually IS (appearing). Actually it’s the direct opposite, we are looking to embrace the sensations in their totality and to be aware of all thoughts and images because there is no separation. They are us, so how can what is you, be there to harm you in anyway? We have learned from childhood that sensations etc are something to fear because we never learned to process them…so we learned to try and escape them. It is this movement away from our self that causes our pain and not what is happening in form.

Let me know how you go. What did you find when you did this exercise. What happened?

The label ‘fear’ is the AE of thought and not the AE of fear
The sensation labelled ‘fear’ is the AE of sensation and not the AE of fear
The colour labelled ‘me/I/body’ is the AE of colour and not the AE of fear
The thoughts ABOUT fear are AE of thought and not AE of fear

So, is there actual experience of ‘fear’, or what is actually appearing (AE) is label + sensation + colour + thoughts ABOUT fear? Is 'fear' actually known?

Kay

[rio]

Hi Kay,

What you has been navigating life exactly? Where is this "I" that has been navigating life? Where is it located? Please describe it to me in detail.

You have put 'me' on the spot(pun intended)
I see a lot of resistance to this question and difficulty in answering. Primarily because there is confusion about 'I', there is the old way of relating to life and the new way(spiritual concepts+looking) still in flux. I will try my best to put it in words even though I realize that they are all coming from ignorance of my true nature.
I still feel like a 'me' to whom life is happening. Navigation is limited to reactions/responses. I feel the pressure/anxiety to react/respond to the situation I find myself in. Even though reactions/responses happen automatically I feel involved/responsible somehow.
I see that life has carried 'me' all the way but there is a fear that it will drop me at some point. I feel helpless(no choice in the matter), like sitting/strapped in a roller coaster ride. I feel I am still subject to life's blows/traumas.
What is this me?
A bundle of awareness,sensations and thoughts. Primarily awareness but subject to familiar sensations and familiar thoughts. The so called private experience. I have no choice in which thought/sensation will arise next, but to simply endure them.
Where is it located?
Whatever situation I find myself in. And I experience sensations and thoughts arising in response.

For some seeing this brings them immense freedom, whilst for others it induces fear, and yet we have never been in control, we have never decided or chosen anything. It SEEMS like we have, and that is the benevolence of the dream.

I don't seem to have any problem with embracing the fact that life carried me all the way and there is acceptance of all past.
However, accepting whatever may happen in the future is where I seem to have an issue.There is fear that something bad will happen and in response to that there is a tendency to start praying to a higher power/whatever is in charge to make it pleasant. I guess that's my defense mechanism to deal with fear of future.

What is the AE of ‘future’?

It is a thought/imagination of a scenario playing out. There is also AE of sensations then associated with it. Lot of 'what if' scenarios playing out with the premise of being prepared for any eventuality.

What is the AE of ‘past’?

It is thought/imagination/memory of something that has played out and the AE of sensations associated.
I don't dwell on the past and wishing something else happened instead. I do use the past as gospel for learning and dealing with what might come in the future. Trying to see if there anything that can be done now to avert anything bad in the future.

The Work of Byron Katie is a great tool for looking at thoughts/beliefs. One of the questions of inquiry is “how do you react when you have the thought” . I would suggest that you go to her website or to Youtube and watch her videos as she takes people through The Work.

I am not familiar with Byron Katie and her work. Thank you for the reference.
I found some worksheets in this link-
https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/

Even science shows us that we don’t actually choose! The choice is made prior to us getting the message that “I am choosing……”.

Thank you for the video. 6 seconds is Quite mind boggling.

Let’s look at ‘fear’. I would like you to do this exercise several times. There will be stories that evoke fear...so use those stories to do this exercise. Take a couple of days if needed.

I feel fear is deeply rooted and has overwhelming power in my case. Even the 'blahblahblah' technique didn't work when I am in grip of fear(feeling-tone). I will need a couple days to explore the almighty fear. I have never thought of invoking fear to experiment on it. The thought of doing that itself is scary :)

thanks,
Rio

[forgetmenot]

Hello Rio,

What you has been navigating life exactly? Where is this "I" that has been navigating life? Where is it located? Please describe it to me in detail.

You have put 'me' on the spot(pun intended)
I see a lot of resistance to this question and difficulty in answering. Primarily because there is confusion about 'I', there is the old way of relating to life and the new way(spiritual concepts+looking) still in flux.

So, instead of being confused….LOOK. Did you look at what ‘confusion’ is?
What is the actual experience of ‘confusion’?

Remember, LOOKING is simple - there is no need to over-complicate it.

Just look now...a thought can be found, but can a thinker of thought be found?
Can an “I” be found in thought itself?

Sound can be found, but can a hearer of sounds be found?
Can an “I” be found in sound itself?

Colour can be found, but can a see-er of colour be found?
Can an “I” be found in colour itself?

Sensation can be found, but can a feeler of sensation be found?
Can an “I” be found in sensation itself?

Smell can be found, but can a smeller of smell be found?
Can an “I” be found in smell itself?

Taste can be found, but can a taster of taste be found?
Can an “I” be found in taste itself?

Experience can be found, but can an experiencer of experience be found?
It's as simple as that. Just look and see what is actually present - and what is only imaginary.

I will try my best to put it in words even though I realize that they are all coming from ignorance of my true nature.

And what is your true nature? How would your true nature respond to this? You have ideas that there is Rio AND a special Being that is of your true nature…and you are waiting to become the latter! You are waiting for Rio to disappear and then YOU, as your true nature will be the one walking the earth! You are already THAT! You are already what you are seeking; it’s just that you are waiting for some sign to tell you different, you are waiting for a different way to be to manifest and this will tell you that you are no longer Rio…but you have become this special Being that you hope you are!

Letting go doesn't mean like a literal or an imagined letting go of something. Letting go means not identifying as anything...not identifying as the one trying to let go. That is the mind - that is the idea of the separate self who is trying to let go. There is nothing to let go of. There is just a seeing that you are not that which suffers and that takes a lot of time to unravel. On the journey to awakening, we don’t gain anything. Awakening is not a special state, you won’t gain any special faculties, it’s just no longer believing in all the ideas we have. You are wanting it to happen now as a means to escape what is happening in your life…and it is this want that is creating the problem and not anything else. If you STOP and look at your direct actual experience in this moment, see if you can find anything that is missing? What could possibly be missing in colour, smell, taste, sensation, sound and thought? You aren’t actually a someone, a person, who is conscious. You are the awake space of awareness itself, within which all the “thought up” entities in your world appear. Out of all these imagined entities, you have simply made the mistake of thinking that one of them is you. That is why LOOKING will help you to see that there is no you as you thought yourself to be in any given moment. Find the one that suffers and wants and describe them to me in precise detail.

I still feel like a 'me' to whom life is happening. Navigation is limited to reactions/responses. I feel the pressure/anxiety to react/respond to the situation I find myself in. Even though reactions/responses happen automatically I feel involved/responsible somehow.

Yes and what you are doing is judging the reactions/responses instead of understanding that in that moment you have mistaken yourself as being the reactions. It’s the judgements about how you react and that you shouldn’t be reacting that is causing your suffering. Plus the fact you want everything to happen at the snap of your fingers. Sorry, but the awakening journey is a gradual process and takes many years of undoing.

When reacting, did you have a LOOK at what your direct actual experience is? Or did you just go down the rabbit hole with thoughts and judge it all and lament how you are going nowhere fast?

I see that life has carried 'me' all the way but there is a fear that it will drop me at some point. I feel helpless(no choice in the matter), like sitting/strapped in a roller coaster ride. I feel I am still subject to life's blows/traumas.
What is this me?

And I bet you are thinking that when you realise ‘no self’ that you will no longer be on a roller coaster and no longer be subject to life’s blows/traumas? And you will be mistaken. Life isn't doing anything to you...that is your perception of life because of trauma and conditioning! I will just keep repeating myself…that where you mistake yourself as a me, will continue to happen until conditioning/trauma/beliefs are found, explored and processed and until then you will continue to get caught up as being identified as that self. The good news is, that when you have the realisation that this self is not you, then the undoing is easier, because you already have seen through one of the core beliefs.

A bundle of awareness,sensations and thoughts. Primarily awareness but subject to familiar sensations and familiar thoughts. The so called private experience. I have no choice in which thought/sensation will arise next, but to simply endure them.

Again…no actual LOOKING is taking place. Instead of ‘enduring’, LOOK to see who is suffering and who is enduring and see what you find.

Where is it located?

Whatever situation I find myself in. And I experience sensations and thoughts arising in response.

Yes…that is pretty normal and is where LOOKING, I hope is taking place to see if you can actually fine that me! It happens for all of us…so you aren’t anyone special! And these responses will continue to happen, until they don’t. The problem with most teachers is that they talk about bliss and peace….and rarely do they talk about what really happens as part of this journey. Undoing is not a walk in the park…and, I, for one, am very grateful that it is a very gradual process.

“Make no mistake about it—enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the façade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.” ~ Adyashanti,

For some seeing this brings them immense freedom, whilst for others it induces fear, and yet we have never been in control, we have never decided or chosen anything. It SEEMS like we have, and that is the benevolence of the dream.

I don't seem to have any problem with embracing the fact that life carried me all the way and there is acceptance of all past.
However, accepting whatever may happen in the future is where I seem to have an issue.There is fear that something bad will happen and in response to that there is a tendency to start praying to a higher power/whatever is in charge to make it pleasant. I guess that's my defense mechanism to deal with fear of future.

Yes…this is part of your trauma. We all have it. And even when you thought you had control, you still had this fear about the future. This isn’t going to go away over night, however, as you continue to LOOK, and as you work your way through your trauma/conditioning, you will find many things will ease and become different…but it is a journey.

What is the AE of ‘future’?

It is a thought/imagination of a scenario playing out. There is also AE of sensations then associated with it. Lot of 'what if' scenarios playing out with the premise of being prepared for any eventuality.

Where can you find ‘future’ in your direct actual experience? Where can you find ‘future’ in sound, smell, taste, sensation, colour and the face value of thought?

There are thoughts/ images arising now ABOUT something labelled as ‘future’ (which is content), but do they actually exist other than as the AE of thought?

And do the sensations suggest in any way that they are fearful/anxious/dread?
Do the sensations suggest they are anything other than sensation?

So you are believing what thoughts and images you have that are running through your mind, instead of LOOKING to see what actually IS. Where can that ‘future’ be found in the present moment?

What is the AE of ‘past’?

It is thought/imagination/memory of something that has played out and the AE of sensations associated.

How can it possibly be known that the thoughts and images appearing are something that was experienced in something called the past?

Where can the ‘past’ be found in your direct actual experience? Where can you find ‘past’ in sound, colour, smell, taste, sensation and the face value of thought?

There are thoughts/ images arising now ABOUT a ‘past’ (which is content) but do they actually exist, other than as the AE of thought?

I don't dwell on the past and wishing something else happened instead. I do use the past as gospel for learning and dealing with what might come in the future. Trying to see if there anything that can be done now to avert anything bad in the future.

Really? Which I would that be that is doing this? Both past and future do not exist. All that exists is the NOW. Where in colour, smell, taste, sound and sensation can you find any of the above? Everything that you have written is content of thought.

Let’s look at ‘fear’. I would like you to do this exercise several times. There will be stories that evoke fear...so use those stories to do this exercise. Take a couple of days if needed.

I feel fear is deeply rooted and has overwhelming power in my case. Even the 'blahblahblah' technique didn't work when I am in grip of fear(feeling-tone). I will need a couple days to explore the almighty fear. I have never thought of invoking fear to experiment on it. The thought of doing that itself is scary :)

You are not alone in your deeply rooted fear. 99.9% of people feel it and is usually one of the reasons many of us start our spiritual journey. As I said, there is no magic wand in clearing fear. It is one foot in front of the other of looking at conditioning and trauma.

I would like for you to respond to my questions, and then I think it would be a great idea if you then reread your thread from the beginning and redoing all the exercises given. Please take your time in doing this, you will be surprised what further insights you get whilst doing it. So if it takes you a week or so, then that is okay, just touch base with me every couple of days to let me know how you are going.

Kay

PS: I have sent you a PM via the forum.

[rio]

Hi Kay,

So, instead of being confused….LOOK. Did you look at what ‘confusion’ is?
What is the actual experience of ‘confusion’?

There is no AE of confusion. There is an AE of thought suggesting that there is confusion due to conflicting thoughts arising and not reaching a consensus per say. It is a story about other AE of thoughts.

Where can you find ‘future’ in your direct actual experience? Where can you find ‘future’ in sound, smell, taste, sensation, colour and the face value of thought?

'Future' cannot be found in direct actual experience. It cannot be found in sound, smell, taste, sensation, color and the face value of thought. It's a thought labeling certain imagined images and thoughts.

There are thoughts/ images arising now ABOUT something labelled as ‘future’ (which is content), but do they actually exist other than as the AE of thought?

They do not actually exist other than as the AE of thought.

And do the sensations suggest in any way that they are fearful/anxious/dread?
Do the sensations suggest they are anything other than sensation?

No, sensations never suggest anything. They are known but indescribable.

So you are believing what thoughts and images you have that are running through your mind, instead of LOOKING to see what actually IS. Where can that ‘future’ be found in the present moment?

Yes, I was talking about all the made up content of thought after believing it, instead of LOOKING. 'future' cannot be found in the present moment.

How can it possibly be known that the thoughts and images appearing are something that was experienced in something called the past?

It cannot be known. Thought just says it is the case.

Where can the ‘past’ be found in your direct actual experience? Where can you find ‘past’ in sound, colour, smell, taste, sensation and the face value of thought?

‘past’ cannot be found in direct actual experience. I cannot find ‘past’ in sound, color, smell, taste, sensation and the face value of thought.

There are thoughts/ images arising now ABOUT a ‘past’ (which is content) but do they actually exist, other than as the AE of thought?

They do not actually exist other than as the AE of thought.

I think it would be a great idea if you then reread your thread from the beginning and redoing all the exercises given.

I think that is good idea and will be helpful for me.

thanks,
Rio

[forgetmenot]

Hi Rio,

So, instead of being confused….LOOK. Did you look at what ‘confusion’ is?
What is the actual experience of ‘confusion’?

There is no AE of confusion. There is an AE of thought suggesting that there is confusion due to conflicting thoughts arising and not reaching a consensus per say. It is a story about other AE of thoughts.

Yes, you are not seeing your beliefs, instead your beliefs are telling you what to see. This is the simple difference between confusion and clarity, and it is only through LOOKING that you get clarity.

I think it would be a great idea if you then reread your thread from the beginning and redoing all the exercises given.

I think that is good idea and will be helpful for me.

Wonderful!

Kay

[rio]

Hi Kay,

Labels and thoughts are synonymous ie they are the same thing - AE of thought. A label is simply a thought. Why I qualify it is so that you can see how thought immediately label objects…you have no choice in this... to see how raw experience is overlaid (veiled) with labels + thoughts about what the labels are pointing to, ie description of object, what its purpose is etc. We have to become aware of actual experience prior to labelling and thoughts.

All thoughts are empty of content, however, thoughts either point to AE or point to thoughts about thought. For example, sensation 'brrbrr' = thought "cold". Thought pointing to nothing other than more thought, which is the content of the thought "cold", is the meaning of what "cold" is.

I am redoing all the exercises and came across something I didn't fully understand what you were trying to convey by the last sentence - Thought pointing to nothing other than more thought, which is the content of the thought "cold", is the meaning of what "cold" is.

So there is the AE of sensation and AE of thought labeling it 'cold'. This is then followed by more AE of thoughts about what 'cold' means to me.

For example, If there is an AE of color and an AE of thought labeling it as 'chair'. This is then followed by an AE of thought about what it means to me - 'I can sit on it and rest'.

thanks,
Rio

[forgetmenot]

Hello Rio,

I am redoing all the exercises and came across something I didn't fully understand what you were trying to convey by the last sentence - Thought pointing to nothing other than more thought, which is the content of the thought "cold", is the meaning of what "cold" is.

So there is the AE of sensation and AE of thought labeling it 'cold'. This is then followed by more AE of thoughts about what 'cold' means to me.

Yes, exactly. The meaning given is content of thought. And the content of thought is more thought. All content of thought is fiction.

For example, If there is an AE of color and an AE of thought labeling it as 'chair'. This is then followed by an AE of thought about what it means to me - 'I can sit on it and rest'.

The content of the label ‘chair’ is everything about a chair, including its purpose of being sat on to rest. The thought “I can sit on it and rest’ is simply AE of thought, what that thought means is the content of the thought.

AE of a thought is the THOUGHT ITSELF and not the content of the thought.
For example: “I can sit on a chair and rest” is a thought.
The label “I” is not AE of a person/self but is the AE of thought
The label “sit” is not AE of sitting but is the AE of thought
The label “rest” is not AE of resting but is the AE of thought
The label “chair” is not AE of a chair but is AE of thought.

The thought “I still believe that I am a me” arises. So the thought itself is actual experience of thought. The other thoughts that arise with that thought, about that thought, are the content of that thought. All content of thought is fantasy.

The meaning given to thoughts, colour, sound, sensation, smell and taste is illusory, because all meaning is thought content, and all thought content is fiction.

Kay

[rio]

Hi Kay,

The meaning given to thoughts, colour, sound, sensation, smell and taste is illusory, because all meaning is thought content, and all thought content is fiction.

Thanks for that clarification. That helped big time. I always wondered as to where these beliefs are.
It's like every word in a thought further resolves into more thoughts. It happens so fast. This means that and that means this. Since most thoughts have 'I'/'me' in them, there are all stained in the end by the wrong assumptions about me being a separate limited self. It's like everything is perceived through this lens.

All sensations have a ‘feeling tone’ to them. So you can start by becoming aware of what the ‘feeling tones’ are. How? When next triggered and a sensation arises…just ask yourself with your focus been on the sensation, “what does this sensation say about me” and then wait for the answers to arise.

I was experiencing a certain unique feeling tone today. Thought labelled it annoyance. Sitting with it and doing the exercise revealed that it was a combination of a few things.
Frustration and anger had built up throughout the day slowly as I didn't hear back all day from someone I was expecting to hear.
Also there was anger about someone else bugging me instead. Also accompanied by the usual frustration of still not getting enlightened or not have put in enough effort.
How do I discern if that is accurate or just more labels/stories that thought made up?


thanks,
Rio