Hello Vivien,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No. There has never been a separate entity that is called “I”/”self”. The “I” and “self” are just thoughts and sensations. It has always been that way. There has been misunderstanding that a separate and distinct entity existed. But that is not so. And just as it never existed, it will never exist now or ever.
2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience. Also, through your inquiry, what is different now?
The thing that we call as “self” or “I” is just thoughts and sensations that we have come to associate with this experience we call as body. It has been misunderstood as something that is separate and distinct from other experiences. It shows up in experience as a string of thoughts that talk about the body. The sensations, emotions and feelings that are experienced are associated with the body and hence creates this illusion of experience happening to someone.
Through inquiry, it has been seen that there is no entity that is experiencing experience. There is experience alone, without an experiencer.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
There is a sense of relief, a sense of awe at how this has been this way all along. There is less obsessive thoughts about decisions now. There is less obsessive thoughts about second guessing a decision. It is now seen that decisions happen by themselves and there is no entity controlling it. Whatever decision was made was the decision that was meant to be made.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
We had been talking about control and how thoughts and actions happen by themselves. And that “I” is really not in control. I was having trouble seeing this, but kept looking at direct experience as you had pointed. And at one point, when there was no expectation of it, an idea related to a problem at work popped into my awareness. At that instant, I could see that “I” – the thoughts and sensations that I’ve associated with myself – did not create that idea. And that it happened on its own. “I” could not have created that idea. “I” did not know how to solve the problem and it just could not have known to create that particular solution. It was then that it became possible to see that everything that has been taken to be me were just thoughts. Just like every other thought, it happened in awareness. There is no “I” that is in control. “I” is just a collection of concepts, thoughts and sensations in awareness. It was a beautiful moment!
5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Decision and intention are just thoughts. Intention is a thought that describes what should happen. Decision is a thought that says of multiple alternatives, one alternative has been chosen. But neither are initiated or concluded by any entity. “I” does not decide. There is no direct experience of the process of “I” coming to a decision. There is direct experience of intention and then there is direct experience of a decision. “I” has no role in it. Intention and decision happen by themselves and are known in awareness. Choice, free-will and control are all concepts based on intention and decision.
“I” does not control digestion or growth of hair or nails. They just happen. Even things that were assumed to be in control – like raising an arm – when investigated, and looked, it is seen that they happen on their own. There is no direct experience of the process for raising an arm. There is the thought of raising the arm and the action follows. The only 2 things in direct experience are the initial thought and then the experience of arm raising.
b) What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
There is no one that is responsible for anything or in control of anything. There is no “I”. No entity in control, no entity responsible for decisions or actions. Only experience alone exists. Everything flows and happens by itself. Even this very search for liberation has happened by itself. There is now less obsessive thoughts about the outcome of a decision or thoughts about “what-if” another choice was made. There is relief that whatever decision was made, was the decision that was meant to happen as there is no one controlling it.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you!!! Thank you for your questions! Thank you for your pointings and guidance! Thank you!!!
With much gratitude,
Chinni
