1. Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
No, there is no separate entity, no 'self', 'me', 'I', no 'you', 'we', 'they'. It's nowhere to be found in no form nor shape.
And there never was. Also never will be. It's just life revealing itself again and again in its different manifestations with no separate entities involved in it. Even when the belief in a separate self fell off, there wasn't anyone who did it, it was just 'life taking care of itself'.
2. Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience.
The illusion of the separate self is the belief that there is an independent agent, living in this physical body, which thinks the thoughts, moves the body, does the seeing, takes decisions and basically lives the life. It shows up in experience as thoughts about 'I', 'me', 'my', which are merely words attached to different sensations, words that label the experience. Although the experience exists with or without those thoughts, the use of those thoughts make the experiences look personal, as if 'I am looking', 'I run', 'I think'. In truth there is just 'looking', 'running', 'thinking' without anyone doing them.
3. How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
It's easy to understate the feeling. On the one hand, it could be said that it's not a big deal, there are still the old problems, feelings, emotions, habits. There is no underlying feeling of peace. However, differences become much more apparent, when we compare before and after. Now there is a relief that the searching is over and also relief that there is no one who should try to control what's happening. Of course thoughts about 'me' still appear, sometimes experience seems personal, but the realization that 'I' is just a thought and then the returning to the present moment as it is happens naturally and with ease. There are also far less judgements, it's so much easier to say 'yes' to the present moment, since it literally couldn't be different from what it already is. There are far less worries about the future, far less trying hard to better the situation, far less interest in 'self' improvement, since there is no one to improve and no one who can improve anything. No wish to impress. It could be said that everything is ok, even when it isn't. There is no meaning to phenomena, thinks just happen and this is beautiful. There is far less seriousness to situations and more optimism in general.
4. What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
It was when Lubo told me that I try really hard to understand, but I don't actually look. So trying to understand stopped and time was spent just looking.. life appeared as it is, without the need to understand or explain it.
5a. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
Well, things just happen by themselves. Decision, intentions, free will, choice and control can exist only in a story, they are just an interpretation of what is happening. In reality, there are just thoughts, feelings and body sensations, which play themselves out and then there is an action following.
For example, today 'I' got a message from a friend who wanted to go out and get a drink in the evening. 'I' didn't know what to answer, since 'I' was planning to watch a movie at home this evening. But at the same time 'I' didn't want to offend my friend and also, 'I' could watch the movie on another day. So in the end 'I' decided to go out and see my friend.
This is the story. In truth, there were just the thoughts 'oh, I wanna watch the movie' + lazy feeling and then the thought 'I don't want to offend my friend' + guilty feeling and also the thought 'I could watch the movie on another day', then the phone was picked up and the message was stared at for a bit and in the end there was a feeling of certainty and the answer was texted back 'sure, why not'.
5b. What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
Well, there is no 'I', who can be or not be responsible for anything. Yesterday, another friend had birthday. Throughout the whole day 'I' reminded myself that 'I' should call them. An in the end, 'I' forgot. When 'I' realized that the next day, 'I' felt really bad, but it was already too late.
In truth, there was no one reminding themselves they have to call their friend, there were just thoughts 'I have to call Boil' and feelings of seriousness. And there is no one who forgot to call. In reality it's just that there was no call. There is also no one who realized that they missed to call and no one who felt bad about it, it was just a bad feeling and 'it is too late' was only a thought, not an actual thing happening.
6. Anything to add?
Just love and thankfulness <3