No there is no separate entity, only thoughts, feelings, sensations, emotions appearing and disappearing from nothing. But this nothing is not nothing, it is love and it is also the substance of all things. It is a mystery very beautiful and surprisingly nobody looks at that, or very few.1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
For me it is the identification with thoughts and with the body that gives the impression of a separate self. Going with thoughts instead of looking at them and seeing that they belong to nobody, they come from nothing and go back to nothing. Same with the body when I look at it as if it is mine… but to whom really does it belong, this is the question and the surprise again is that there is no answer .2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience.
For example, yesterday I had a big migraine and the resistance with the pain was so strong that it was difficult to see it as just sensations nothing personal. And then during the night, I could just relax with this intensity, holding on to it makes it feel personal. But looking at it really, I see that even in the middle of the struggle it is just happening, nobody is there creating this whole story. With intensity and when it is too much it looks like I see and then I don’t see. It seems like this is the way for me. Tasting just being when it is there and accepting that there are times I am identifying. I feel much more at peace with that.
Like holidays :)3) How does it feel to see this?
Ron patience showed me that looking again and again is the key and the mind slowly is giving up. The old habit of resistance is fading away and the joy of exploring is replacing it. Even in the middle of difficulties, it is amazing. I just say “I see you” to the thoughts or the sensations and it already quiet down. I feel much more peace and joy. And like I said before in times of big intensity I see that just now it is not possible to see. Pain or emotions are taking all the place and this is fine, I give place to this intensity. Before I would have thought I lost it, now I see that at time it is more difficult to see and when it is quieter it is obvious again. The idea that it should always be crystal clear is dropping. It is like a dance sometimes intense sometimes soft every moment different.What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
The insistence of Ron really. He already sent me these questions a couple of week ago and felt as if something more needed to be seen. Yes, I knew it all, I had seen it but it is not a one-time shot and go, it is an everyday wonder. All these questions gave me grist for the mill and I startet really loving it, to the point where I did not want it to finish 4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
This is the real wonder. How does all this work? Asking me these questions is a real gem. I could spend the rest of my life in wonder with that. I don’t see any answer. Nobody is doing anything this is obvious, then no decision making, no free will. Things just happen. It is really amazing and no words can explain that.5a. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Now I am typing these words. I don’t know which word I am going to type. I see mistakes appearing, hands moving, at the same time it is very silent no intention whatsoever, just seeing what is appearing. If I look carefully thoughts are appearing and I write the words, but why these words, and the thoughts are just appearing I am not creating any of this. It is not understandable.Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
I am responsible for nothing. Things are always done in the best possible way according to what is.5b. What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.
I clearly see that this realization is not the end of anything. I will go on looking, exploring day after day, but not a must do, more because it is pure joy to do it. I am so happy for this journey. Thank you again Ron for your presence, your sensitivity, your insistence, it showed me that this way is a constant exploration, for me. I don’t know for others… but for me looking is the key and maybe one day it won’t be necessary but it really doesn’t matter. I love these questions and will go on exploring for as long as it makes sense.6) Anything to add?
With love,
Véronique
