Ready.....

[Lerae]

hello!

What changes?

So far, I have noticed some physical sensations that have been steady, things that have occurred in the past for short durations such as warmth in the chest area, a numb feeling in the head and tingling in the crown area. Also, the faint but noticeable smile that almost seems natural and permanent. There was a rather intense situation at work this morning in which a client attacked my coworker and I responded without any sense of thinking or attachment. The whole thing just unfolded and appropriate responses took place naturally. There has been some going back and forth with that story throughout the day with much less emotion or attachment than I am used to and an ease in letting the story go and just being. Any going back and forth is very quick and struggle free.

The goings on of life have stayed the same...just the experience of it all is different. Things that stirred up strong emotion in the past are neutral now. I am more present. I will report back in a few days with progress.....just content and enjoying right now. 😊

[Matthew]

just content and enjoying right now.

That's the very best left to do.
Looking forward to your reply!

[Lerae]

I must admit...there is an adjustment taking place. All the seeking and anxiety that was causing is gone. It is so nice and peaceful, yet I’m sort of wondering around not sure what to do with time. There’s no anxiety with that and I no longer feel bored or a need to eat to alieve that....I used to read a lot hoping that would bring enlightenment and the need for that is gone...so I’m sort of wandering......

[Matthew]

I used to read a lot hoping that would bring enlightenment

Yeah, reading spiritual books is out of the window from this piont onwards :-)
(If it ever came back, it should raise an eyebrow)

I’m sort of wondering around not sure what to do with time

Stay alert!
Stories about "I" will continue to be played.
All sorts of stories. Stories about an enlightened "I". Stories about an "I" that already knows everything. Stories about an "I" that falls back into normal personhood and "loses it".
Stay alert! It is not a stressful way of alertness, it's a very light one.
Whenever a thought story about "me" comes up, look at it and see through it.

Right now there is a thought story appearing about a "me" that is sort of wondering around and is not sure, what to do with its time.

Can you look at it right now and recognise it to be that way?

[Lerae]

yes, I do see that now. It was a subtle, quiet fear that arose about what the "I" was going to do with it's spare time now. I appreciate the "stay alert" advice. I definitely do not feel like some "enlightened" being or any different than anyone else. It is unlike many things I read and expected. It's more like a sense of just "being" and it is really nice. :)

[Lerae]

Hi Matthew......there is something that keeps coming up from things I read in the past regarding oneness and how you will feel that you are one with everything. Is that something that comes later through progression or something to be let go of because I’m not experiencing that. I would say I feel more neutral and less negatively affected by others or situations and less judgmental, but I am not feeling oneness with everything.

[Matthew]

This aspect is usually covered in a different part of the forum, which is not yet visible for you.
I'd say we wrap up the conversation here and look at the other aspects of reality over there.

We hadn't touched the whole control-story yet.
Does it feel like this needs some coverage?
Is "control" more than another thought dream appearing in this?

[Lerae]

Would this be questions such as “who is driving the car or who is making decisions? “.

[Matthew]

It would be this to be precise:


"Please describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Please also give examples from experience."

[Lerae]

Oh my...must need some work here. It is easy enough to see that decision is a thought about following through, intention is a thought about having a plan, free will is an idea about being in control and having the ability to make choices and decisions, choice is a thought about having options, and control is an idea or belief in personal control. It all revolves around an illusion based on control and thinking/believing in a self with these abilities.

The other questions are much harder to answer.

What makes things happen and how does it work. I read something about it, but I would rather see for myself from my own experience if possible. It is difficult to see through the illusion that I am making choices....even something simple like what to buy at the store or that I am planning/doing activities. And then, if that’s a fact....how do things happen at all? i can just let things happen, but I don’t have an answer as to how it all happens.

What am I responsible for? That is a little easier based on the fact that I have no control. How could I be responsible. Saying that however, I have always been an overly responsible person, blaming myself for things I had no control over and holding people accountable for their actions and behaviors. I can see that being responsible is dropped when I drop the thoughts about it but then how do things happen? Good and bad things? So yes, could use some pointers here.

[Lerae]

I sat with this tonight as I had some quiet time...and to my own surprise...came to this....when decisions are made...big or small, it has nothing to do with me. Some decisions, I will resist or contemplate for some time before I go with it or against it but regardless, the decision was made and would have been carried out or not. Example....it appears that I am weighing options and have a choice so I believe that I do, but really I don’t...decision was made. Like shopping for anything...the decision to buy appears to be mine...I can go back and forth with it all I want but in the end what is supposed to be purchased will be. Still doesn’t explain where the decision came from any more than where thoughts come from.

[Matthew]

I read something about it, but I would rather see for myself from my own experience if possible.

Yes. Do not ever ever report about what you've learned!
Do not even consider it when looking at things.
It's not helping, it is hindering.

This must be the baseline for all inquiry that has yet to happen.
Can we please be clear and agree on that?

Still doesn’t explain where the decision came from any more than where thoughts come from.

Bring up a thought about a candle.
The image of a candle.
Flickering, warm light.

In actual experience, where did the thought candle come from?

[Lerae]

This must be the baseline for all inquiry that has yet to happen.
Can we please be clear and agree on that?

Absolutely clear and agreed!

In actual experience, where did the thought candle come from?

Well, thank you for that adventure Matthew. After way too much analyzing of suggestions, thoughts, labels, conditioning, memory......I sat with actual experience and there is no candle thought or any other thought or decisions to make and all thoughts and decisions are equal from a standpoint of actual experience...equal meaning non-existent. Which is why nothing really matters from that point of view and also why there appears to be separation. There is the world we believe we have created where everything matters and is criticized and judged and there is meaning and there are expectations and people are held accountable and there are consequences.....then there is actual experience which is clearly more reliable, there is no sense of control or need for it, no judgement, no expectations, only peace, stillness and flow. They coexist, however, one appears to outweigh the other because we focus more on it, when really in truth, the stillness and flow is what remains when all else dissolves and at some point or another we all return to it. The trick is to see the world we apparently created through the lens of actuality and make them one.

[Matthew]

I see that it is not necessary to bother you with questioning anymore.
Let me just dissolve this one little knot here:

They coexist

There is the world

the stillness and flow is what remains

Whenever it feels good, have a gentle look:

The flow is made of this apparent world.
The apparent world is just an appearance within this eternal flow.
The flow takes form of the apparent world.


Can you recognise that?

[Lerae]

The flow is made of this apparent world.
The apparent world is just an appearance within this eternal flow.
The flow takes form of the apparent world.

Good Morning Matthew,

The second two statements were quick and easy to recognize. I have had some stickiness with the first one and it may just be an interpretation issue. "The flow is made of this apparent world". Would that mean that it does not exist without it? Does it mean that it is all simultaneous rather than the flow being there first and taking form? Am I just reading something into that?