Hi

[mpsi]

Dear nina,

1) How many things do you find?
Are there two things (hand and desk) or is there one thing – sensation?

There is just one sensation. While it can be further analyzed - into sensations felt in the fingers, the palm etc., "a hand and a desk" is just a label sticked to it - a thought.

2) Can a ‘feeler’ be found in 'what is being felt'?

No, the sensation is there by itself.

3) Do you notice 'one thing feeling another thing'?
Or is there just 'a sensation'?

While there are other sensations in the hand, "the hand on the desk" sensation is just one sensation, not a hand feeling a desk.

4) Do you find an 'I', a body, a hand 'feeling' . . . or is there just 'a sensation'?
What do you find? Can an INHERENT FEELER be found?

The sensation is just there. No "I" needed for it. "A body" - there are other sensations going on as well and they are labelled together as "a body", but this is just a thought, an interpretation. The same about "a hand". "A hand feeling things" - this one is even more "meta", because an action is ascribed to a conceptual entity, "a hand". And no "inherent feeler" as well - a thought pattern suggests otherwise, but there is no need for a "feeler" in the AE.

All the best

Marcin

[suma]

Dear Marcin,

While there are other sensations in the hand, "the hand on the desk" sensation is just one sensation, not a hand feeling a desk.

Yes, so can you see clearly that apart from the labels that thought attaches to the two experiences
there is no way of knowing that one is me and the other is not me?

Without the superimposition of thought it cannot even be known that there is a hand, or a desk.
So there is only one sensation that thought will later divide.
Actually experience itself is just one experience.
The current experience is not the fullness here and the emptiness there,
not divided into me and not me, into subject and object, awareness and it’s contend.
Experience is always one.

The sensation is just there. No "I" needed for it. "A body" - there are other sensations going on as well and they are labelled together as "a body", but this is just a thought, an interpretation. The same about "a hand". "A hand feeling things" - this one is even more "meta", because an action is ascribed to a conceptual entity, "a hand". And no "inherent feeler" as well - a thought pattern suggests otherwise, but there is no need for a "feeler" in the AE.

Great!

So now we may start to combine more senses - or even all, if possible:

Start with one of the senses, then add another, and add another,
add your bodily sensations and add your thoughts and images,
until you see the totality of experience.

Just go slowly into this.
Are you able to look at all sense impressions as a whole experience?

Can you see seeing-hearing-tasting-smelling-feeling-thinking just as a one-perception?

But it is not necessary to divide it into these parts.
It is just pure experience, or just experiencing.
One seamless intimate whole.

What do you see?
Let me know how you go.

All the best

nina

[mpsi]

Dear nina,

I was sick all day yesterday. Hence no report.

Yes, so can you see clearly that apart from the labels that thought attaches to the two experiences
there is no way of knowing that one is me and the other is not me?

Yes, this is clear now. But the labels are still there, a whole superimposed structure. Thoughts seem more prone to follow thoughts than to come back to AE, therefore it is still quite easy to get lost in thought labyrinths.

What do you see?
Let me know how you go.

Not much success with combining direct experience of different senses. It seems to require a different approach than usually, and the old patterns reemerge continuously: most "focus" tends to go to thoughts. When sick, the sensations in the body change a lot, and thoughts change a lot too. There is however a persistent qualitative change since about a week ago: the thoughts are just thoughts and do not "stick" to the sensory experiences that strongly.

All the best

Marcin

[suma]

Dear Marcin,

I was sick all day yesterday. Hence no report.

Oh, so I’m wishing to pour a big shower of well being upon you!

A helpful exercise here (lying in bed) is to feel the body and its sensations as a whole
and then let the attention move from the top of the head down to the feet.
If the attention might get stuck at some parts just pass upon or through these parts.
Let it pass down like a wave, or like some liquid honey trough your body.
If there is only a rather dull feeling it is perfectly ok.
You can also stay for some time without movement at the palms of you hands and let the energy flow out from there.
Or at the soles of your feet.
Let it just happen naturally. Don’t put too much effort into it.
This exercise may serve like a booster for your immune system.

Not much success with combining direct experience of different senses.

Maybe it was a bit too soon to go into all this.
Doesn’t matter.

So laying in bed or sitting on a sofa or chair:

Is this experience composed of two objects, the body and the bed (or chair, or whatever),
or is it just one sensation that thought will divide later:
One called me, the other bed?

Wishing you really all the best

nina

[mpsi]

Dear nina,

I spent the last few days lying in the bed and mostly sweating. Now it seems I'm basically out of the grip of the illness and starting to function as usual again.

Thank you a lot for your good wishes!

I've seen that being sick means the focus is very erratic. And it is very difficult to finish any "task", even such simple tasks as you gave me, or to write anything. Illness seems to be a special mode of mind's working ("state of consciousness"), as thoughts behave very differently than usual. Also the body reacts differently to the environment - especially in regard to the feelings of cold and hot and tiredness.

But also other sensations seem to "bubble" somewhat, even today. I've just tried to see the AE of the body sensations when lying on the bed, and it took a moment before I was able to quietly focus on it. Yes, there is a singular sensation and only thoughts interpret it as a body lying on a bed.

I hope I'll be able to report to you daily again starting from today.

Best regards,

Marcin

[suma]

Dear Marcin,

I’m really glad your’re getting better.

I've seen that being sick means the focus is very erratic. And it is very difficult to finish any "task", even such simple tasks as you gave me, or to write anything. Illness seems to be a special mode of mind's working ("state of consciousness"), as thoughts behave very differently than usual. Also the body reacts differently to the environment - especially in regard to the feelings of cold and hot and tiredness.

When being sick all energy of the body goes to deal with the sickness.
The body somehow goes into some sort of auto mode or basic state.
No control over anything, the body is taking over everything.
Thinking is using too much energy and therefore this dull feeling.
I find it very interesting to see how it all works and being sick is also a time to totally withdraw.
At times the body withdraws just forcefully when it had been strained too much – at least in my case
it can happen like that. The mind sinks during that time into a sort of ground state.

But also other sensations seem to "bubble" somewhat, even today. I've just tried to see the AE of the body sensations when lying on the bed, and it took a moment before I was able to quietly focus on it. Yes, there is a singular sensation and only thoughts interpret it as a body lying on a bed.

Just take all the time you need.
If the feeling of the sensations becomes too difficult at least the awareness of the breath is mostly possible to maintain.


When you’re feeling better we may have a look at the body:

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is?

Does the body have a weight or volume?

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside?

If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?

If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question.
Take your time, don’t rush.
You can look several times during the day while doing other things
(like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying


All the best

nina

[mpsi]

Dear nina,

When you’re feeling better we may have a look at the body:

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

I am recovering slower than hoped for. I looked multiple times at the body, and it wasn't easy because the "illness mode" is still there to some extent. It occurred to me to demand a look and answers to your questions "as if my life depended on it", and only after that I started to get clearer answers.

Can it be known how tall the body is?

No. Distances are not there.

Does the body have a weight or volume?

No, the weight is inferred by thoughts from direct sensations, but is not a part of them.

In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

No.

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?

No. It's just sensations.

Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

No. It's just sensations.

Is there an inside or an outside?

No, there isn't one. However, there is a following phenomenon: while the body sensations are just another "sensory channel", they like "thoughts" seem to be "internal", mainly because they seem to react to other channels (what is seen, heard, smelled), while other "channels" seem not to react to thoughts or body sensations, and therefore seem to be "external". But this interpretation exists only in thoughts.

If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?

No inside or outside in AE.

If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

No inside or outside in AE.

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?

Depending on circumstances, they refer to a part of "what is seen" and to some part of "body sensations" (some of them may be interpreted as "feelings"), and to a mental map of the body, which belongs to "thoughts".

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

There are many different kinds of "body sensations". For most time only some of them are prominent, e.g. there might be prominent sensations where the body touches some surfaces, and in addition to that some itching or pain, and a background body sensation interpreted as a feeling of satisfaction or dissatisfaction. Usually during the course of a day, "body sensations" are customarily mostly neglected, unless there is a very strong signal there.

As I am writing this, I have a sudden suspicion: what is focus? Is it just a thought?

Best,

Marcin

[suma]

Dear Marcin,


You did the last exercise very well.

I am recovering slower than hoped for. I looked multiple times at the body, and it wasn't easy because the "illness mode" is still there to some extent.
It occurred to me to demand a look and answers to your questions "as if my life depended on it", and only after that I started to get clearer answers.

Please don’t force yourself into anything.

If the ‘illness mode’ is present, then the ‘illness mode’ is what is actually experienced.
It is important to understand not to fight against any ‘isness’ of the present moment.
Make use of every experience.

The point here is to totally surrender to the present experience in the present moment.
Like this you help your body to do all the work it has to do.
You might literally say ‘thank you’ to your body that is functioning so well.
Just trust in the ability of the body to work out whatever needs to be worked out.

Usually when there is a ‘bad feeling’ one is compelled to find a way out.
The reflex is to try and stop it, or to create some distraction for yourself.
Please don’t try to stop it or fight it.
Make use of it to really understand what this is all about.

The mind may start to create interpretations of the feelings and soon the undesirable state is trying to increase itself.
Therefore please don’t try to fight.
Let the feeling be there whatever it might be – weakness, dullness, pain –
and allow it to manifest in the body.
Something is visiting your body and at some point it will leave; you know that.

Just let the feeling be there and then, in your own time, you may put the question:

“What is the message inside the feeling? What is it saying?”

If you want you can write it down.


One thing that might be always possible is to stay in touch with the breathing;
as it comes in and goes out just naturally.

As I am writing this, I have a sudden suspicion: what is focus? Is it just a thought?

If you give something your attention you give life to it. A perception takes place.
Then only thought comes in and compares and judges the present experience.
But just try to find out yourself. Don’t believe anything.


Wishing you all the best

nina

[suma]

Ps:

Is there a focuser?
Or is focusing happening?

[suma]

Dear Marcin,

how are you doing?
Hope all is fine...

Best wishes

nina

[mpsi]

Dear nina,

Thank you very much for your concern. I am much better now, but as I started to be able to do things, a lot of things postponed during the illness came back to me and I had very little time during the last few days, and that's why I haven't written anything.

I can see now that "focus" is an inference made by thoughts when what actually is experienced surprises the mind, for example when it changes quickly, or when the mind has created a plan but the experience does not conform to it. It may be an excuse used to keep the sense of self: "I tried, but couldn't keep the focus".

From another perspective, focus is all that happens - the AE is always in focus, and focus is always on the AE. It cannot be another way.

This focus is not personal, there is no "focuser" to "focus" on things.

All the best

Marcin

[suma]

Dear Marcin,

glad you’re doing better ( :

I can see now that "focus" is an inference made by thoughts when what actually is experienced surprises the mind, for example when it changes quickly, or when the mind has created a plan but the experience does not conform to it. It may be an excuse used to keep the sense of self: "I tried, but couldn't keep the focus.

From another perspective, focus is all that happens - the AE is always in focus, and focus is always on the AE. It cannot be another way.

This focus is not personal, there is no "focuser" to "focus" on things

This is a great realisation.


You can prove that by yourself for as many times as you wish through this simple exercise:

Just take your hand in front of you and look at it.
Look at it for about at least a minute or so.
Notice the fact of its existence in your direct experience.
Look at it until you really become conscious:
‘Yes, this hand exists, here it is’

Now take your hand and put it behind your back.
Now imagine and think about your hand.
That right there is concept and imagination.

Take out your hand again: This is actual.
Now put it away again and think about it.
These are concepts and imaginations.

Make sure to do this a couple of times.
Make the distinction of both perceptions very clear.

Like this you may prove any ‘valid fact’.
Let’s call it a fact-check.

Is it imagination or is it an actual fact of direct experience?

What is this hand?

Is it my hand?



All the best

nina

[mpsi]

Dear nina,

What is this hand?

The hand is just a part of what is seen.

Is it my hand?

No, it's not "mine". There are thoughts acknowledging it as a known hand. Its shape, color etc. are not surprising to thoughts. There are also thoughts saying "my hand", but these are quite weak now and even seem unnecessary.

The AE of the hand is much stronger and richer than thoughts about it. The distinction is quite striking now.

All the best

Marcin

[suma]

Dear Marcin,

The AE of the hand is much stronger and richer than thoughts about it. The distinction is quite striking now.

Great!


So now we might take a look at the correlation of sight and sensation:

1. Close the eyes and hold up one hand. Pay attention only to the felt sensations ‘of the hand’.

2. Open the eyes, and now observe the hand by looking only.
3. While looking at the hand, pay attention to the felt sensations.

Repeat 1 to 3 as many times as needed and investigate…

Normally we believe that the sensation is coming from the sight, the ‘object’ seen (hand).
But if you look, is there any link between the sensation and the sight?
In other words, is the sensation ‘coming from’ the sight (labelled as hand)
or only thoughts and mental constructs link them?

Can you see that both the ‘visual sight’ and the sensation appear simultaneously but ‘separately’,
meaning that none of them is coming from the other or contained by the other?

So they just appear equally, ‘beside’ each other without any hierarchy or link between them?

You can repeat the exercise with all of body parts. For the head you can use a mirror.


All the best

nina

[mpsi]

Dear nina,

Can you see that both the ‘visual sight’ and the sensation appear simultaneously but ‘separately’,
meaning that none of them is coming from the other or contained by the other?

So they just appear equally, ‘beside’ each other without any hierarchy or link between them?

Yes, they are different phenomena with no relation between them in the actual experience whatsoever. They just occur in parallel. Any link between them is purely work of mind.

All the best

Marcin