LL Curtis - This is your thread

[Ingen]

Let it just sink in during the day and see how it unfolds. How thoughts "try" to "form" a self.

Have fun!

[Trinity]

I am actually having a weird unexplained riot right now!

I will Ingen. Thank you!

:)))))

[Ingen]

:)

[Trinity]

Hey Ingen!

I don't know if I needed to report in or what, so I thought I'd check in.

I'll be honest. By experience, it seems half-baked. Like there is still some velcro of the belief structure holding the story intact. It seems to have an addictive quality to it - like a spell. And like attempting to swat away flys away from your food at a picnic, it just re-asserts itself.

I would love to hear your wisdom.

:)

[Trinity]

But...that is just that I thought again.

Damn those "I"'s...tricky little buggers!

:D

[Ingen]

Can you give me an example (or two) how you experience a self which is not a thought?

[Trinity]

Oh man! I found this hysterical for a moment!


Why is this so easy to see this when you ask me questions, and then so easily unravel after?

I don't want to be crazy anymore, Geez! :)

Ok...

No, but at the same time, truthfully when I look really close, I see the self seems to be believed around the body and the personality. Like feeling hurt if I perceive being that I am being rejected, not liked, not heard or understood...or perceive to be abandoned. (Which is really up at the moment).

[Trinity]

Ingen...

hey, I don't want to waste your time. I have been sitting here with this energy and asking what I think you'd ask. "is there anyone here that this is happening to." And the answer is no.

I admit in the childishness of hoping to get to be less vigilant and more convinced. But that is just coming from Batgirl.

So, unless you feel in your experience that there is something that needs to be addressed, I just wanted you to know what is up.

Thanks Ingen!

[Ingen]

It seems to have an addictive quality to it - like a spell. And like attempting to swat away flys away from your food at a picnic, it just re-asserts itself.

Yes, that is so true. Lifelong conditioning is strong. And, sorry, it doesn't stop. Self-ing keeps happening.
Observe it, don't try to make it go away. To stay in your picnic picture: If you see the food is not real, the flies don't sit down anymore.

No, but at the same time, truthfully when I look really close, I see the self seems to be believed around the body and the personality. Like feeling hurt if I perceive being that I am being rejected, not liked, not heard or understood...or perceive to be abandoned. (Which is really up at the moment).

I hear you. It must be difficult to not get fogged in by emotional stories if they are "up at the moment". But maybe seeing what happens can already be helpful...? Let's look.

What is that self that doesn't want to be hurt? Who or what has the feeling of being rejected, and not liked? Who or what needs to be liked?

Can things be different than they are? Who or what wants things to be different?

[Trinity]

It seems so silly doesn't it!

Thank you for your words about self-ing. That helps.

I hear you. It must be difficult to not get fogged in by emotional stories if they are "up at the moment".

It feels addictive. Like food for the "self-ing" to feed on -to continue and perpetuate this story of "me".

What is that self that doesn't want to be hurt?

A puff of smoke. An illusion. A ghost.

Who or what has the feeling of being rejected, and not liked?

The energy is just here to no one. It is just here.

Who or what needs to be liked?

An idea.
It's amazaing!
There is no one to be found that wants to be liked. It is like...does space want to be liked? It feels like that.

Can things be different than they are?

No, that is just another thought

Who or what wants things to be different?

A thought...an idea only.

Amazing!

Thank you Ingen!

This sounds so manipulative. yuck. But there is a practical side to this question...
So do we keep going or do you think "The Gate" (as a metaphor) was crossed? I have no idea. Fill me in so that I know to keep checking my email. K!?

:)

[Trinity]

Never mind the last question. There is still a me asking. :)

[Ingen]

We keep at it until you clearly can see what this "me" is.


Did your experience change since recognizing how "self-ing" works?

Would you explain at length how it works? With examples?

What is the difference between Batgirl and Loralee?

[Trinity]

Good, It brings me much comfort to know that.

I have questions about your questions.

Could you re-phrase or give me a reference point for question 1 & 2?

There was a moment in bed about an hour ago where the subject and object merged. Just pure experiencing. Then the story came in strong to claim it for its own, explain it, describe it, grasp it, control it and try to keep it. It is 4:30 a.m. here. I got up because the self-ing is like a tornado right now. Just trying to stay in inquiry.

Thanks. I'll answer all 3 after I get clarity on the other 2.

[Ingen]

Replacing question 1&2: how does it feel to see that self is an illusion? Does it feel different than before? How?

I'm on iPhone now, will get back to you in the evening (heretime)

[Trinity]

Maybe I need to take a day off. I want so much to be able to answer these, but I am finding that I am having a hard time answering. I feel blocked, like I can't access it. I may just be tired...Or maybe this is the velcro?

I gave it a go.


how does it feel to see that self is an illusion?

I hate to be difficult. Self doesn't seem to be in an illusion exept in brief moments when you've asked a question, and in that moment it is seen, may hang around for a bit, then quickly re-asserts itself. It's not fresh enough to say in a felt sense.

And do you mean felt sense by emotional, or felt sense like intuition, or just sensing - kinestheticly?


Does it feel different than before? How?

Right now, no. It is like a door that was opening has been slammed shut. If I answer, it is not coming from alive experience....only from what I remember.

What is the difference between Batgirl and Loralee?

Same as number 2.