Hello Merri,
Yes, but the word ‘when’ points to a time. So when do memory thoughts appear?
Memory thoughts appear in the present. There is nothing that happens that is not now.
Again, the word ‘when’ points to time, so when do future thoughts actually appear?
Future thoughts are just like memory thoughts and happen in the now.
Terrific! Thank you for clarifying that for me.
Have you ever looked at thought? Really looked at it? Does thought have a voice? Does thought have sound? Does thought have an image? Does thought have a sensation? Does thought have a taste? Does thought have a smell? Can you describe a thought?
Okay I am looking. Thought does not have a voice or sound or image or sensation or taste or smell but may “feel” like it does, which is just more thinking. It is difficult to describe a thought for me…feelings, ideas, memories, worries…all ideas that are not actual experience, idea that appear without a source.
So are thoughts seen, heard, felt, smelled or tasted? In other words are thought experienced or are they simply known?
Same goes with colour, sound, smell, taste and sensation. Are they experienced or simply known?
Try and describe the colour red to someone who is blind, or the sound ‘dog barking’ to someone who cannot hear. Try and describe the taste ‘banana’ or the sensation ‘soft’. Can experience be described or is it simply known?
Do you notice a difference now, to when you first started this exploration, and if so what are those differences?
Yes, there has been a subtle difference. Witnessing and acceptance of life have been stronger than reactivity. Reactivity and habitual thoughts still happen often, but with less judgment and more awareness. There is more curiosity and questioning of “reality”. The feeling of time and memory not existing and there only being a now has also given rise to a bit of a panic feeling. There may be a process with this information that I have not experienced yet.
Just to make sure that you haven’t seen through one identity, only to assume another, here are some questions with regards this ‘witnessing’.
What is witnessing? Is there anything witnessing? Is there anything doing the witnessing?
How is it known that there is a witness, apart from just the obvious process of witnessing or observation? How is there a witness as an entity? Where is it? Does it actually exist?
Is there such a thing as awareness in which things appear? Is awareness ever actually experienced, or is it just an idea, an abstraction? Does it actually exist?
Panic is brought about the idea of anxiety. So let's have a look at anxiety/panic.
Let’s break ‘anxiety’ down into AE.
The label ‘anxiety’ is the AE of thought and not the AE of anxiety
The sensation labelled ‘anxiety’ is the AE of sensation and not the AE of anxiety
The colour labelled ‘me/I/body’ is the AE of colour and not the AE of anxiety
The thoughts ABOUT anxiety and the story that SEEMS to create anxiety are AE of thought and not AE of anxiety.
So, is there actual experience of ‘anxiety’ or what is actually appearing (AE) is label + sensation + colour + thoughts ABOUT anxiety?
When ‘anxiety’ appears, do the following:
1) Look at the label/thought ‘anxiety’ itself. See the label/word ‘anxiety’ as a typewritten word in the ‘mind’s eye’ across the forehead
Does the label ‘anxiety’ know anything about ‘anxiety’, or is the word just a bunch of letters?
Is the label ‘anxiety’ itself anxious?
Can you find anyone/anything in the word itself that is anxious?
2) Then look at the sensation and ignore everything else but the sensation itself.
Inquire into the sensation and ask if the sensation itself knows anything about ‘anxiety’.
And then look to see if there is anyone/anything in the sensation or behind the sensation that can be ‘anxious’.
3) Look at the image/colour labelled body, whether that image be ‘mental’ or ‘visual’.
Inquire into the colour and ask if the colour itself knows anything about ‘anxiety’.
And then look to see if there is anyone/anything in the colour that knows anything about ‘anxiety’ or that can be ‘anxious’.
When you have inquired into these and if no one/no thing is found, then just sit with the sensation. Just breathe normally, notice the thoughts and images that appear and ask if they are ‘anxiety’ itself or know anything about anxiety, and let them pass on by and just allow the sensation all the room it needs in the body without pushing it aside or judging it. If it becomes too intense just take a couple of deep breaths into the sensation itself, and then notice the floor under your feet, notice your backside on the chair and then notice what is in the room you are sitting in and name them out loud, while being aware of the sensation and remember to breathe normally. If the sensation does not dissipate completely, that is okay, just notice it, without doing anything with it and just go about your day.
Let me know how you go.
Is there any confusion at all or anything you would like to address?
There is confusion, but as you said that will come up. I feel more relaxed about the process of examining actual experience and there not being a “me”. I feel like it is understood and that there will be processes arising from this experience that I cannot guess at.
Good that it has been understood, however, has it been clearly seen ie realised that there is no separate self that is the doer, sayer, thinker, controller or feeler?
Is the confusion due to not seeing something clearly? What is the confusion?
Thank you so very much Kay! You have been amazing and laser sharp! I am very grateful for time, your energy, and your thoroughness and attention to detail. I am still going through a difficult personal time right now so I do not feel as energetic as I would wish to be with you, but I want you to know that this means a lot to me.
Thank you, Merri. Even though you feel you could have given more to the LOOKING, you have still been doing it, and that is all it takes.
Love, Kay
Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.
