Patrick,
I still doubt this 'initial seeing'. I know i shouldn't try to compare other peoples experiences to my own but most accounts from people are similar in the sense that they can pin point awakening to a specific moment.
Certainly it can be unhealthy to obsess over comparing yourself with others, but it's necessary to do it to some extent. That's because it's important for you to have your own certainty that you've got it. Later you can let go of this completely. Also - I need to make sure there isn't some blockage or identification going on that we need to root out. While you have doubts, we should continue.
Most people get some kind of aha moment, but for a large minority it's a slow dawning (for me it took about three days), and it is often seen in retrospect.
Quite often the person does have an experience of seeing, but isn't sure about it, and it can take a couple of weeks for it to settle enough for them to develop some trust that a shift has occurred. Doubt is really common in the early stages. It is extremely common for someone to be through the gate, but still be believing thoughts that say, "this can't be it!" for several weeks.
At the core of it, what changes is a belief. Beliefs can colour perception, so for some the world "looks" different - a bit like the world "looking" less magical when you find out Santa doesn't exist. For others, perception isn't affected and it manifests more as personality changes.
Now here's something important to understand: Self is just a belief, but it was laid down at a really young age. This means that a whole edifice of belief has been built on top of it. Seeing through this illusion fatally weakens the foundation of this edifice but it takes a long time for it to fall. The subconscious mind is a logical inference engine, and it has a lot of work to do to process the consequences of "I" turning out to be a fictional character. The surface will not be affected much yet. For this reason, people often under-appreciate what has happened to them at first. That's also why the experiential effects you see at first tend to be quite subtle ones.
Inquiry without mind. There's nothing really to figure out, just see.
Quite so. It's a deep part of the mind that is affected, and it is affected by what is seen.
I can see that the self is an illusion. That doesn't mean that the sense of self doesn't arise but at least now i feel that it can be seen whenever i want. Or whenever it is noticed.
This means you are standing in front of the gate at the very least. You may be through it. Narratives about a self will continue to arise and be believed, but over time they're believed less and less, and eventually they arise less.
I would say yes to the first 2 questions. Seeing that everything is just happening has been getting clearer for me over the past couple of weeks. And yes everything feels good right now. Easier.
These two (feeling like everything is "just happening" and a feeling of lightness) would normally be considered symptoms of gating. You will also have bad days, of course!
I guess i continue as i have been over the past few weeks and try to go further?
Yes, for now take what I've said into account, and keep observing. If you are being blocked by something (doubt, the "this can't be it" story, etc.) then it's likely to turn into frustration, so we can discuss that if it happens. There could also be some form of identification buried there that we need to deal with. I suspect not, but I can't see into your mind. Again, that will turn into frustration.
If any specific doubts or issues come up, even if they seem small, tell me. Otherwise flick me a report in a day or two.
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Here is something for you to ponder - the Bahiya Sutta from Buddhism. Read it carefully. These few words contain the entire teaching (if that's the right word). But do take note that this is a little more advanced than what we are dealing with in this part of the process.
In the seen, there is only the seen,
in the heard, there is only the heard,
in the sensed, there is only the sensed,
in the cognized, there is only the cognized.
Thus you should see that
indeed there is no thing here;
this, Bahiya, is how you should train yourself.
Since, Bahiya, there is for you
in the seen, only the seen,
in the heard, only the heard,
in the sensed, only the sensed,
in the cognized, only the cognized,
and you see that there is no thing here,
you will therefore see that
indeed there is no thing there.
As you see that there is no thing there,
you will see that
you are therefore located neither in the world of this,
nor in the world of that,
nor in any place
between the two.
This alone is the end of suffering.
Steve
