The Gate

Good. Well that is the entire purpose of this guidance.
If you have confidence in that, then you are 'through the gate'.

I think I am through the gate, thank you very much for guiding me here Xain.

It may be best to take a break for a week or two at this point and allow things to settle.
Perhaps come back after that time if anything more makes sense to you, or if you have further questions.

How does that sound?

How about we wait one week, then I will post and ask you to ask me those six questions you were talking about? I am already fairly confident that there is no inherently existing self, but I think it would be good to take time for it to settle. I've noticed that with time doubts seem to slip away.

Thank you for guiding me thus far Xain, this has proved to be really interesting. I look forward to finishing this once and for all a week from now, if that is okay with you.

I've noticed that with time doubts seem to slip away.

That certainly seems true. Contemplating the things we've covered will help.

Thank you for guiding me thus far Xain, this has proved to be really interesting. I look forward to finishing this once and for all a week from now, if that is okay with you.

No problem at all.
Feel free to post back and start this guidance up again as soon as you wish - Or send me a private message if you question is more subtle / personal.

Xain ♥

Hi Xain,

It's been a week since I last posted here, and it feels like everything has had time to settle. There is no inherently existing "I" or "Sashin", and I think am as certain of this as I am that there is no inherently existing Santa Claus. I think this is as certain as I will ever feel about it.

Please ask me those six questions.

Sashin

Good to see you back, Sashin.
The six questions themselves may bring up things we can look into together.

Here are the first three of them:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience and understanding. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference (if anything) from before you started this guidance with me?
Please report from the past few days.

Xain ♥

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is no separate entity called the "self" and there never was. There is just experience, and life which flows without an entity living it. The fact that there is no experiencer of experience or thinker of thoughts is analogous to how it rains or how the wind blows without an entity responsible for it. Experience and thoughts just like rain and wind are natural phenomena which just happen.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience and understanding. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of self is made up of thoughts. "I" is a thought. The illusion of the separate self is thinking that the "I" is the center of experience, it is that which experiences rather than merely being a thought. There is only experience, and the "I" thought is a subset of experience. How could a thought like "I" experience anything at all?

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference (if anything) from before you started this guidance with me?

There is no difference because nothing has changed. This is the way it is, it always was and always will be.

Thanks for your answers.

Here are the last three of the six questions:

4) Was there something you looked into or something I may have mentioned that made you fully realise - Was there a moment where you 'tipped over' into realising 'no self'?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control as you understand it now. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Please give examples from experience if you can.

6) Do you have anything further you would like to add?

Xain ♥

4) Was there something you looked into or something I may have mentioned that made you fully realise - Was there a moment where you 'tipped over' into realising 'no self'?

I'm not quite sure there was a definitive moment, it was more a gradual process. I feel like I was pointed in the right direction when you said:

"Is there even a 'real' Sashin looking - Can that one be found?
If 'I' is entirely illusory, could the search end by an illusion getting something?
Or could it end by realising that there is no 'I' to get something or to 'feel complete'?"

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control as you understand it now. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Please give examples from experience if you can.

Decisions happen by thought, we don't think our thoughts before we think them, we just experience thoughts. Intentions also arise spontaneously therefore there is no free will. There is no choice and control either since there is no entity to have choice and control. Nothing makes things happen, things happen just on their own. The events in our lives are natural phenomena just like the rain and wind. There is no entity that is directing them. An example of such an experience is when I'm typing this right now, there is no "self" that does the typing, thoughts sometimes precede what is being typed but those thoughts arise seemingly out of nothing and fade into nothing without a thinker in sight.

6) Do you have anything further you would like to add?

If am through the gate right now, I think that I might have been through the gate already when we started this. The "intellectual" understanding that there is no self, I think that was it. Thank you very much for guiding me and helping me realise this, Xain.

The "intellectual" understanding that there is no self, I think that was it.

I just need to clarify what you mean here.

First of all, I would agree with you that the way the guidance has gone, it seems that you were already through the gate and as such, this realisation only brought a sense of perhaps, 'Yes, there is no inherent self - Obvious <shrug>'.

In our dialogue you did mention that you couldn't go back to believing there was a 'real' self.
Is that still definitely the case?
Or is it more along the lines of 'I THINK there is no 'real' self, but there might be one somewhere I just haven't considered'?
Like an unproven theory only?

Are you still a seeker?
Since you mention 'Intellectual', was what you are looking more along the lines of an experiential shift?
To realise no separation 'in experience' between an inside self and an outside world kind-of thing?
That is possible through further guidance (but not through the guidance here).
Such a shift is only possible by first realising there is no inherent self, so in terms of 'a path', you're over the first hurdle.

Essentially, I just want to make sure you are 100% clear with your realisation.

Xain ♥

I just need to clarify what you mean here.

Well, I had already been convinced that there was no self, I just expected there to be a way to experience "selflessness".

In our dialogue you did mention that you couldn't go back to believing there was a 'real' self.
Is that still definitely the case?
Or is it more along the lines of 'I THINK there is no 'real' self, but there might be one somewhere I just haven't considered'?
Like an unproven theory only?

I'm not certain, but I don't think I could change my mind. It seems very unlikely at this point that I'll start believing there is a self. However I still feel like looking for a self, even though I haven't ever been able to find a trace of one. I tend to look for a self a few times a day. I think it's because I want my experience, to be more in register with what I know (that there is no self).

Are you still a seeker?

Yes, I am. I will continue reading books and looking up things on non duality and seeking meditation instruction. In particular I am interested in seeking instruction in Dzogchen.

Since you mention 'Intellectual', was what you are looking more along the lines of an experiential shift?
To realise no separation 'in experience' between an inside self and an outside world kind-of thing?

Yes, I think I was looking for a shift in experience.

That is possible through further guidance (but not through the guidance here).

Could you point me in the right direction to receive such guidance?

I can tell you that even with the experiential shifts I have detailed, nothing changes.
It is just layers of illusion are removed.

Well, I had already been convinced that there was no self, I just expected there to be a way to experience "selflessness".

You had an expectation of entering a new state - either temporarily or permanently, yes?

What is here that is going to experience "selflessness"?
What is here that is going to attain a new 'state'?

Xain ♥

You had an expectation of entering a new state - either temporarily or permanently, yes?

Yes, I think so. It might have been a subtle or unconscious expectation though. Or even just a desire.

What is here that is going to experience "selflessness"?

There is no entity there to experience selflessness. There's just no self.

What is here that is going to attain a new 'state'?

There isn't anything there to have a state, new or otherwise. There is just the state, there is just experience.

Good.

Can you see then that to expect a change is to also hold the belief in an inherent self; To continue believing that there is a separate person that will experience a change; That there is a 'real Sashin' that will achieve something in the future.

To put it in very simple terms, the way life is being experienced right now 'IS IT'. Right here and now - There's no self.

Xain ♥

Can you see then that to expect a change is to also hold the belief in an inherent self; To continue believing that there is a separate person that will experience a change; That there is a 'real Sashin' that will achieve something in the future.

Yes, I understand now. There are no changes because there is no one to change. I feel like a part of "me" still wants a change but with this knowledge perhaps even that desire will fade.

To put it in very simple terms, the way life is being experienced right now 'IS IT'. Right here and now - There's no self.

I think that might be all I need to know. A part of me suspected that, but now I know for sure. There is no self. This is selflessness. This is what it is like to experience no "I". Or rather there is no "I" to experience it.

Hi Sashin

Two questions from another guide:

Is there any sense of a "self" or "I" hiding somewhere?
Is there a feeling of "I" to be found anywhere in experience?

Xain ♥

Is there any sense of a "self" or "I" hiding somewhere?

No there isn't. It seems obvious now that there isn't. I could search for years and years and still won't find a glimmer of a self.

Is there a feeling of "I" to be found anywhere in experience?

No, there's not.