Thread for Hannah Brown

[Mad biker]

Does 'the I' actually DO anything? Does it not just think that it does?

[Mad biker]

There are two posts above this last one above BTW

[Mad biker]

How are things Hannah?
Mbx

[HannahBrown]

Hi there, I feel a bit discombobulated! I am sure it's mainly to do with this work, so a good thing if uncomfortable. But also a lot going on here and it's been difficult to really stay in my own space if you know what I mean. Today we are having problems with the van, having got here smoothly and got it all the way up the mountain track it's now not wanting to move again! Just trying to park it in the right spot is all!

Anyway that aside I have been reciting the Heart sutra and just staying with the 'self is just a thought and does not exist in direct experience' but the mind is squirming or maybe the ego is squirming would be more accurate! Why is it so determined to hang on to the illusion of a fixed self? I fear there may be a bit of a hiatus till I get back to UK, I thought I would be more still here but there is a lot to do. Please bear with me, I am so grateful for this opportunity.
HB x

[Mad biker]

I have been reciting the Heart sutra and just staying with the 'self is just a thought and does not exist in direct experience' but the mind is squirming or maybe the ego is squirming would be more accurate! Why is it so determined to hang on to the illusion of a fixed self?

Mmm, Sounds all a bit worthy and dutiful Hannah! (smiles!)

Just do your Heart Sutra once a day at a kinda solemn-ish time (like bed-time or on rising)

And do not keep staying with that phrase! (wags his finger in admonishment!) If the phrase comes to mind by 'itself' then that is just fine. Your mind is too filled with goal rather than with being. You sound like you are really chasing after this thing. Most of what you said was reportings-in from thought rather than from Direct Experience. Now I would call that pretty normal at this stage in the proceedings! However, what we are really looking for here is more about letting than getting.

It is about letting go into THIS moment. The misbehaving van the mountainside the breathing but not; 'breathing-as-if- something-will-happen-as a-result-of-this-breathing' Jeezus no. Just breathing itself as though nothing else was ever going to happen next. There is no next! This is me in the middle of it right now! Don't do Buddhism instead do Spanish mountain with buggered van. Just turn towards that, fully inhaling it all and tell me what happens.

But first I am glad to be able to tell you that your path is really simple: You can Just forget everything and open up to relaxation itself. People so often miss this one or they think; 'he can't really be serious, can he?!' But I tell you solemnly; 'just relax and let go' you need nothing else right now

Sometimes people can erroneously think that terms like 'relax' and 'let go' are nothing more than routine palliative platitudes, but nothing could be further from the truth! Instead, those very same much over-used terms, are the very deepest core pith instructions of Dzogchen/ Mahamudra. So please see them again now, as though for the first time, with 'beginners mind'. The seemingly bland instruction to 'RELAX AND LET GO' (which so many Westerners understandably miss!) really is the very deepest Tantra and is the essential key to awakening, let me assure you.

Just be there breathing by a Spanish mountain. Every bit of that mountain is breathing too.
Mbx

[HannahBrown]

Ok, thanks x

[Mad biker]

Yes, 'relax' is one of those terms that has lost it's meaning a bit through overuse in Cinema announcements, Ryanair announcements, Conference Opening Night announcements. It has perhaps come to sound like a state of mind that it would very much suit the organisers for the punter to inhabit, to make life easier for the former! We have perhaps become sadly inured to the word. Yet it is not easy to find a better term for this 'letting-go' which is the very core and the very key to what we are looking for here.

So just being IN the body really being WITH the body; letting-go into the middle of 'things not being that great at the moment' Just breathing in; 'the van, the mountainside, the sheer cost of it all, the effect on relationships' in Direct Experience. And don't forget yesterday's question where I asked you to tell me what happens in DE.
Mbx

[HannahBrown]

Seeing the colours of rocks, the shapes of hills and trees, smelling the pine and juniper and rosemary, seeing the vultures wheeling across a deep blue sky, hearing the wind and the birds. Being with Sjt's suffering around the van not starting, then it does! Yippee! Now in its final resting place. Letting go of anxiety around not doing more to help with preparations of the retreat centre, what a sense of relief to know it does not really matter. There is just what's happening, nothing more.

Then enjoying a glass of wine in a bar in Barcelona, catching up with a friend, eating a delicious salad. Chocolate and rosemary sorbet! Mmmmmm. This is all fine x x

[Mad biker]

Seeing the colours of rocks, the shapes of hills and trees, smelling the pine and juniper and rosemary, seeing the vultures wheeling across a deep blue sky, hearing the wind and the birds. Being with Sjt's suffering around the van not starting, then it does! Yippee! Now in its final resting place. Letting go of anxiety around not doing more to help with preparations of the retreat centre, what a sense of relief to know it does not really matter. There is just what's happening, nothing more.

Then enjoying a glass of wine in a bar in Barcelona, catching up with a friend, eating a delicious salad. Chocolate and rosemary sorbet! Mmmmmm. This is all fine x x

Yeah cool! Barca is that kinda town. Chocolate and Rosemary sorbet? The mind hesitates to boggle!

what a sense of relief to know it does not really matter. There is just what's happening, nothing more.

Now THAT is a phrase that REALLY IS worth returning to! I am serious here when I say again, that this is another phrase which is giving the whole game away!
More from me tomorrow!
Mbx

[HannahBrown]

Feeling good to be back home, feeling RELAXED!! Noticing a difference since leaving 10 days ago.

The 'I' does not do anything it just thinks it does! Bless!

These last few days not posting have felt spacious and easy.

Hope you ok?
HB

[Mad biker]

Feeling good to be back home, feeling RELAXED!! Noticing a difference since leaving 10 days ago.

The 'I' does not do anything it just thinks it does! Bless!

Yeah! Sounds good.

I apologise for not saying I would be away in London from Monday afternoon till Tuesday afternoon. I thought I had said this and I now see from reading my last above that I had not. Yep, this thing does not improve your general Mindfulness That is how very ordinary, it is, (nudged he knowingly)!

Ok this bit today came to mind with April the third's 'discombobulation'. Then you took a breather, and I am happier to play it now that you are back home in familiar surroundings anyway. It is still very relevant now as you are likely to feel that there is something wrong with you again (that old Judge could even be running right now!)

OK this is mostly Rodney Smith with a bit of my words;
''What is wrong with you that needs to be corrected?

You may think there is something wrong, and emotions seem to validate that assumption, but when you look at the emotion you will see that it is just a feeling about the thoughts you are thinking.

The emotion is not actually connected to any truth, other than the belief you give your thoughts.

Those emotions become a conditioned part of the image of your self.
Experience the emotion free of thoughts by not letting the thought content play though the actual feeling.

Let the emotion just be what it is.

Now ask yourself again, what is wrong with you, and do not let your answer be determined by an emotion or a thought.'

Now just read this over again quite slowly and let the words sink in. It is particularly helpful when you are either in the middle of giving yourself a hard time or if you can recall a recent example thereof. However a hard time is not necessary as he is outlining very tangible dynamics that it is good to familiarise yourself with anyway.
Tell me what happens when you digest this OK?
Mbx

[HannahBrown]

Still digesting, but wanting to write while fresh. That feels so true! Experiencing a sense of awe at the simplicity! How daft is that dynamic! There is no judge at the moment but I appreciate understanding that dynamic, and see the point of becoming familiar with the way it works.

Right now there is nothing wrong with me that needs to be corrected.
HB x

[Mad biker]

HannahBrown wrote:
Feeling good to be back home, feeling RELAXED!! Noticing a difference since leaving 10 days ago.

The 'I' does not do anything it just thinks it does! Bless!

OK, I now just want to ask; have you seen this?

I take it that 'Bless' meant you do but I am just checking that it does OK?

The Buddha said there were just the five aggregates the five Skandhas on their own. Nothing else, nada!

He did NOT teach that there was ALSO a wee Hannah in a wee back room twiddling knobs and controls!

We have looked at those together; eye ear nose tongue etc. (You did not find a self there, 'in the seen only the seen, in the heard only the heard' etc) Is this correct?

[HannahBrown]

That is correct, I can see the truth of this, but feel I am still processing the repercussions, still letting it settle to a deeper level. I feel like I am in a sort of bardo, where it is slowly unfolding, more and more letting go. The Heart sutra resonates more fully each time I recite it, almost as though I had not really understood before, I mean on a very subtle level it seems more of a truth than a theory.

Now unfortunately I have a busy few days coming up, doing a three day course in Brighton, though It may not get in the way of anything, and I can still be online in the evenings. It's just that I feel I need some peace and quiet to be with this at the moment. Most of the time I am still acting as though there is a Hannah twiddling knobs! Sorry this still reads like a reporting in, trying to describe something that feels profound in the moment but also elusive. I am tired right now.

HB x

[Mad biker]

That is correct, I can see the truth of this, but feel I am still processing the repercussions, still letting it settle to a deeper level. I feel like I am in a sort of bardo, where it is slowly unfolding, more and more letting go. The Heart sutra resonates more fully each time I recite it, almost as though I had not really understood before, I mean on a very subtle level it seems more of a truth than a theory.

Mmm,

You are looking good from Mission Control!

Now unfortunately I have a busy few days coming up, doing a three day course in Brighton, though It may not get in the way of anything

Nope! It will not get in the way of anything!

Most of the time I am still acting as though there is a Hannah twiddling knobs!

You will just get used to smiling at this kind of stuff. 'Selfing' still arises even after fully 'seeing'. It is just habit, Samskaras playing out.

OK Hannah, I reckon this is us now looking at the home straight. One or two small teaks and we will be laughing volubly with gusto!

Sleep well, I will be back here in the morning, but an evening reply is just dandy.
Mbx