I'm ready to investigate

[Antony]

I still feel like there's a me there and there's a lot of doubt about this. I feel like there's more or i want more. I don't know what to do from here.

[vinceschubert]

Hah! of course.
We all want a sonic boom followed by eternal bliss. Many of us just slide in quietly, going "huh, is this it?"
Doubts are normal and to be expected.
After all you have had, how many years of brain conditioning. Of course habit will cause 'same old, same old' to pop up. BUT, each time you see it happen, that conditioning will weaken. Often they will only come back once and when seen, evaporate forever.
There is always more. You never entirely run out of conditioning to lose, but they will get few and far between.
We have to be careful here. Careful not to start constructing a new story. (you know, the one where you are superior to the unliberated)
This is a beginning. No end, No bliss (maybe moments) Just Further. (as Jed McKenna says)

Antony, this takes practice. It is like you are a babe again, discovering new things (actually old things in their true light)
OK, this next one is a big one;
i want you to take a walk in nature sometime in the next day. You are to notice how things in nature work. Watch your thoughts trying to give meaning to things.
You are to have NO opinions about anything. You are an observer. You will Watch your minds process. You will see things and you will watch your mind.
You are collecting new experiences. Many will be subtle so you will have to be sensitive, alert to new reactions.

There are many things to tell you and we have an aftercare facebook group to help you stabilise your new state.
Anyway, do the above exercise and i will get some others to ask you a few questions and then we will get you into aftercare.

[Antony]

Thank you Vince.
I really appreciate your support.
I see how i could start believing another story. Is there always a possibility that this can happen or is there another threshold as it were?
I will go for a walk later this afternoon and report on my findings.

[Antony]

Hi Vince,

I really enjoyed being in nature today. Everything felt so empty. There's still so much commentary going on and i feel like i am getting really caught up in believing in it. There's a lot of sorrow, a sense of loss and feeling lost happening. Like i really don't believe anything's different and doubting the whole thing.

Antony

[vinceschubert]

There's still so much commentary going on and i feel like i am getting really caught up in believing in it

It is still close. It is still overwhelming so there is the feeling that you are getting caught up in it, But you are NOT. You would have no awareness of it if that were the case.
The fact that you can see it, shows me that you are starting to 'get' how it works.

There's a lot of sorrow, a sense of loss and feeling lost happening.

This is perfectly natural. You may well grieve for the loss of a dear friend (the I/Me) and it takes time to get oriented in the new paradigm. It's like being in a new country where you don't know the customs.

i really don't believe anything's different and doubting the whole thing.

These are just thoughts arising then going away. They no longer have the power to suck you in.
Have another go at this Antony.
How would you explain this 'no you' thing to someone who had never heard about it ? Imagine you are explaining it to a 10 year old child.

[Antony]

On your point about doubt. It's interesting to see that once the doubt has passed there is no residue. As if it never happened. It's like when thought arises i get sucked into it and it seems very convincing that there's a me, and then when it stops there's........

How to explain this to a 10 year old? This is a real challenge. I don't really know how to explain this to anyone.
......Been looking at this for about 10mins. It's all a bit empty here.
Something like 'seeing that the one you think of is not real'

[vinceschubert]

yeah, it is a tricky one.
Ok, try this one.
Tell me how self worked before waking up.

[Antony]

Haha. That's even harder.
Before it was events as thoughts appearing real. Now it's thoughts as events in awareness.
Not sure about that one. Something doesn't quite fit.
I can't seem to make it stand alone without making a comparison of pre and post.

[vinceschubert]

Now it's thoughts as events in awareness.

Tell me about the "in awareness" part.

[Antony]

It's difficult to construct a concept for this.
They're all stories passing through seen for what they are.
Not sure about the 'in awareness' bit. Don't know what awareness means now.... without someone to be aware of it.

[Antony]

Will catch up in the morning.

[vinceschubert]

They're all stories passing through seen for what they are.

What is your relationship to these stories?

[Antony]

When they're in the act of passing they're believed and i can go running with them for sometime. At some point when that story ends it is seen that there is no relationship with the story.

[vinceschubert]

Tell me about any doubts.

[Antony]

Yeah, interesting. I remember having some doubt sometime. It's not occurring now. It's like whatever arises is an event in itself. As convincing as it may be in that instant, as it IS experienced, it has no ultimate reality or truth.