1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there isn't a separate self, me nor I. There isn't anything shaped like an I and there was never. There was only that thought or idea that there is an I, which latched onto a form but which is just as fluid and insubstantial as any other thought or idea.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you seeit now.
The illusion of separate self arises in dependence of thoughts, ideas, emotions and sensations that solidify and accumulate to a fantasy of an I. That seems to re-occur and then is seen through as just thoughts, emotions, sensations etc.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
There is a sense of relief. Since the experience on the retreat, things started to fall away but I can see now that there was still an identifying with form. The main difference since before the dialogue is a deeper sense of "no I-ness", a deeper sense of being in DE and the opening into life that comes with that and also more clarity. It just really helped to go through things systematically.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It was when you wrote a couple of days ago:
We are going round and round with the I identifying as form again, which it will if questions are not answered from DE.
And
Is "I" still identifying as form or as anything?
Somehow, I found it really hard to write:- No, I can't find anything. Maybe I wasn't quite convinced that I wasn't overlooking anything as it felt a bit too obvious in DE that there wasn't anything. So I just kept on looking in the form, in the movements of the body and saw the identifying with form was just a thought that sometimes was there and sometimes wasn't. And therefor not different from any other thought or idea.
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything
happen? Give examples from your experience.
No, I don't decide, control or choose events in life. I don't make anything happen. There is a responding to life and to conditions. I like the image of a conversation with life, as there is no-one controlling the conversation.
Eg. Getting up in the morning-there is a waking up, which isn't controlled, movements of muscles that move without something telling them to, making a cup of tea - more muscles doing their thing, probably some habit there as that is what I always do when I got up and go downstairs, thoughts that arise and the sensations of the hot tea contacting "my body"
Tension arises between my shoulder blades and somehow there is movement trying to release it.
In a bigger area of life - relationships - there isn't a "me" deciding to be in one, but again a set of circumstances that arise and form this thing that is called "a relationship".
6) Anything to add?
Just really want to thank you for your dedicated and kind guiding!
love Hecate x