The Gate

Hi Pete!

If, as you say, the separate self was made up and is an illusion, how can there be an 'I' to be liberated in the first place? It was never there!

My last entry was giving myself some room for doubt or something. I know it makes no sense. What I was saying was I have no doubts that what I have seen is real, however I apparently am not always able to “stay” in awareness, and without conscious control, appear to be back in the illusion. Then I am aware once again. In other words, my awareness of the Absolute, which is always present and unchanging, rocks in and out. I am not constant in that space yet-

I fully realize however, this is the result of thoughts that tell me otherwise. I am in and of Awareness itself, and cannot be apart from it even if I tried (and I have). Any thought that interferes with that truth is a lie, a mistake, an illusion.

As you've seen there's no you to see or move towards the light etc. Can you not also see that these are all just more thoughts that needn't be taken seriously?

Yes, I have seen the Truth. It’s everywhere in everything. Denying it would just be keeping the nonsense story “alive”.

Thank you and sorry for the bit of delay in my response this morning.

Hi Soulbug,

I just wanted to make absolutely sure that you'd no 'real' doubts.

Yes, I have seen the Truth. It’s everywhere in everything. Denying it would just be keeping the nonsense story “alive”.

Now I am.

So,here are the final questions. When answering question 5, please give specific and very recent examples from direct experience. Once I get your answers, I'll put them forward for other guides for any comments. Then I'll arrange for you to get access to various aftercare and other groups on Facebook and the LU site. Have you got a Facebook name? If so, either let me know here or, if you prefer, PM it to me.

Always from direct experience.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen?

Please give specific examples from your recent experience.

6) Anything to add?

So pleased we got here in the end.

Pete x

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, there is no “me” to produce, and there never was. The only “substance” it appeared to have was in thought form, which is not personal. Just concepts taken to be real.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The separate self is “one” who has control; the thinker, doer and planner. Separated from the Absolute, it feels weak, vulnerable and alone. But this little self never had control, never thought thoughts because it never even existed. It was imagined and dreamed up in conceptual mind, and holding onto thoughts about “it” appeared to strengthen its pseudo-substance, and limiting its range to the confined state of being in a body. Here, it makes a life of suffering out of resistance to what is while continually looking for a way “out”.
From my experience, duality is a destructive force and caused me to live in fear. I made up how I wanted life to be to satisfy my ego needs, often went against the natural flow of life, and ignored the truth residing there in front of me, afraid of having no identity anymore, afraid of the Eternal.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels like a dawning of a new way of being in this world. I get the odd twinge of wishing I’d discovered this before, and then remember there’s no one there to discover or not, and there’s no before either. What a relief that I don’t have to do anything different, or indeed, do anything at all!
In the past, I believed I had to subjugate, lessen or dissolve the ego. I believed I had to strengthen my “connection” to God as well. I had to actively work at it, despite having some "success" with the aforementioned way. What is different now, is I recognize is there is no being apart from what I was seeking and there never was. Nothing to seek, because it already Is. The ego cannot be disposed of, because it’s not even there and there’s no one to dispose of it. The only truth is that I am that awareness that watches life doing what it does. I am the watcher and life itself.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

One of the greatest insights I have had was seeing that anything good, bad, right and wrong, all the polarities arise in the oneness of the Absolute. Nothing stands outside of it, yet it is unchanging emptiness, constant and certain. I saw that one single moment of “awakening” and 50 years of sleep were all held in Love, no matter how it “turned out”. It’s all good. There’s nowhere to go, nothing to change, nothing to protect and no one here. I am in awe of this Grace.

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen?

Nothing is decided by me and I have no will that can effect anything. In direct experience, this becomes very evident. In the world, but not of it. Recently, when I have wanted to assert some kind of agenda of my own, I’ve come to a place where it's dropped, realizing I am not doing anything anyway, may as well just let it be. Takes all the pressure off. I am finding it much swifter to "move" into direct experience…. Right now, in this pause, breathing and heart beating is happening. Fleeting thoughts trail across mind, and ambient sounds come and go. The low hiss of the computer here and now. Sitting with a cup of tea, looking out at nature, I just am. Thoughts come and go again. Peace all around, even stillness in the chair supporting this body. The chair just is, and has no mind to change. That’s how it feels here in this seat. There is only Gods will, that of Life and Love.

I hope that answers your questions satisfactorily Pete. Thanks again for your support throughout this time. I am so grateful for this help along the way and I hope we stay in touch! I'll get my FB info to you as well.

Katherine x

Hi Soulbug,

Thanks for your clear and full answers.

One of the guides has got the following couple of questions for clarification:

'In Q3 You say, "I am the watcher and life itself." Is there an entity called 'life' into which another entity called 'the watcher' has dissolved or merged or whatever?

In Q5 you say, "There is only Gods will, that of Life and Love." Again, is there an entity called 'God' out there?'

Let me have your answers and I'll get them right back to him.

Pete x

Thanks for wanting to clarify these statements.

In Q3 You say, "I am the watcher and life itself." Is there an entity called 'life' into which another entity called 'the watcher' has dissolved or merged or whatever?

They are names for the same thing. Life is the watcher, and vice versa.

In Q5 you say, "There is only Gods will, that of Life and Love." Again, is there an entity called 'God' out there?'

God is the foundation and the “substance” of all that is, seen or unseen. God is the All and the void, eternal, changeless and complete. This Beingness is holy, and I am Beingness. There’s no “him” floating in the sky, God is everything and nothing, beyond space and time.

Katherine

Hi Katherine,

Thanks for your replies. I'm just waiting for the guide's response.

Another guide has a couple of questions:

'1) Is there still seeking going on?

2) You mentioned some fear back in February. Can you tell me if it is still there? If so, can you describe what it feels like?'

Pete x

Hi again,

'1) Is there still seeking going on?

Great question. Thank you. Honestly, I believe there are vestiges of this “autonomic” behaviour, looking into the world. This is being looked at for sure and this is a wonderful truth to look at closely. I can assure you, this is decidedly different than it was at the beginning of our exchange. I feel much more relaxed and comfortable in right here and now.

'1) Is there still seeking going on?

Yes, it seemed like fear was arising from “letting go” of the belief system of separation. I cannot claim to be free of fear entirely, but it doesn’t feel like I am at all apprehensive about this recognition “there’s no one here”. What seemed a little foreign then has been replaced with a lot more conviction. This process has really helped clear unexamined beliefs and taught looking at it all. Thank you for being so care-ful with me ;)

Katherine

Hi Katherine,

I'm happy to be able to tell you that the guides are now satisfied that you have seen through the illusion of a separate self and have no further queries.

I've been in touch with LU admin to get you 'turned blue' and they will be contact you with invitations to the various groups etc.

I've really enjoyed guiding you. It's been fun and I've particularly liked seeing how our joint persistence and determination has helped produce such a wonderful outcome.

Go well Katherine.

Pete x

Ps Don't forget to let me have your FB details!