Hi Ilona may I ask you to be my guide?

[junjo]

Thats so incredible!!
There's just trhis unmeasurable huge seeing.
Nothing.

Happy loving Easter!
Junjo


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[Ilona]

Awesome! Happy rebirth to you too!

What happened? What changed?
Sending love.

[junjo]

Just looking :)


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[Ilona]

Yey!
Please write in more detail..

[junjo]

Hi Ilona,

More detail?
As I mentioned, I went more into looking than analyzing in my head. That's what I did. I just looked and had your questions 'What is it that is looking' 'what is seeing happening to' within reach as a reminder. Then I just saw. It's a shift. I knew this but somehow I lost the way to it, and now I saw clearly again. It was quiet and huge and nothing. Very very simple almost ridiculously nothing just seeing but eveneso ungraspably grand.
The fact that I had felt disapointed, stuck and, perhaps helped as well. I was so down that there was nothing more than the senses left, just the senses in grand connection with everything. The first time I experienced this, last year on this forum, I was overwhelmed and scared. Now I'm more quiet and vast. In fact I'm less, there's more nothing than me. If this still makes sense to you? It's sort of recognizing the obvious. Nothing to do with acceptance at all, as you pointed out to me before. It's much clearer than that. And simpeler, less complicated.

Is this enough detail for you?

Sending love
Junjo

[Ilona]

Thank you so much for writing with all the detail! Yes, it's recognising the obvious and the obvious is simple. I see that you see! And I'm delighted for you. :)

Would you say, you are ready for the final questions?

Much love!

[junjo]

I'm delighted as well dear Ilona!
Thank you so much for your honest pointing and guidance, very much appreciated. And you are welcome to send those questions, preferably disguised as easter eggs since it's my birthday and easter today!

xx
junjo

[Ilona]

Happy rebirth day!
Easter bunny says hi :)

Sweet! Here they are the questions

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5)can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience

6) Anything to add?

Please answer in full, when ready.

Much love.

[junjo]

Haha thx easter bunny! Have been ill and feverish, getting back on feet again, coming back to you soon with answers.

[Ilona]

Hope you are feeling better!
Sometimes disillusionment comes with feverish burning body sensations, purging, it will pass.

Sending love.

[junjo]

Funny you mention this. First fever ever, and quite high. But feeling almost like reborn again. Answering you when completly popped out of the easter egg :)

Much love
Junjo


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[Ilona]

Sending love and wishes that you feel better.

[junjo]

Dear Ilona,

Here I'am again. Took some time to heal physically.

So there we go with the answers in so far I have answers at all :)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No there isn't at all!

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The separate self is just a thought introjected by parents probably taking root during the so called mirror phase. The phase when a separation between you and I can be cognitively apprehended (age approx. 2-3 years) by recognizing face in the mirror 'I'concept is born, identification is born.
Perceiving reality from then on works within a mindset that is based on separation: you, I, me, mine. Reality is understood and experienced as separated, as distanced as not incorporated as something that can be manipulated to a certain extend, as is the self. An entity that seemingly can be controlled, willed, guided, mastered etcetera.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

The difference is that I experience a sort of viewing. Not so much an identification with fingers typing for instance. Emotions are felt more deeply and in a way more lovingly because there is far less experience of separation. There's sort of broad awareness which doesn't belong to anything but just is. Life is far simpeler now. It's just being experiencing etc. All activities are on default, which is funny. But also incredible true. Sometimes it seems that this broad awareness is lost that I'm in separation, in the I again. But I know that's not true so I don't worry to much about it. Leaving thoughts, thoughts do thoughty things:) Perhaps cleaning automatic mindsets and habits, old beliefs is needed?

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

Your remark:

What is it that is looking? What is seeing happening to?

I just sat with these two sentences and I just saw and it just happened.

5)can you talk about decision, intention, free will, choice and control? What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience

Decision, intention, free wil seem to be nonexistent. I can not intellectually understand this, there is no answer as to 'why?'. It's just like that, it's so. All actions start or happen before there's an I deciding or saying or directing movements to happen. There's no anticipation before movement. I notice this best in breathing. There's no I needed for breathing at all!
It's the strangest thing I don't understand it's just like this and it makes me laugh and love.

6) Anything to add?

I entered the gate already another time somewhere last year, but it made me feel miserable and nihilistic. As if I didn't experience the see-through or mind shift fully? I couldn't cope with the fact there was no right or wrong, no ethics, no free will. This time there's much more recognizing, it's like this and that's sort of all inclusive non-dual.
I'm so sorry for gating again, but nothing decided to gate a second time :)

Much love
Junjo

[Ilona]

Thank you so much for answers! It was a joy to read, I can feel the relaxation in your words. Sweet.

Can you talk a little bit more about decision making, describe how it happens as you see it now. Something simple, like choosing a fruit of two or what to wear. It's good to focus on that and see in action, so there it's clear.

No need to feel sorry for coming back and competing what could not be stopped anyway. This journey is perfect for you. And I'm very happy that nihilistic tendencies have cleared. There is much more to explore, this is a beginning..

Lots of love.

[junjo]

Dear Ilona,

That's a terrific question! Will investigate more because no insight yet in how choosing or deciding works. Coming back to you soon with more clarity and details.
Lots of love from Juno