Hi Dianne and thank you for telling me what's going on with you, I really appreciate it.
Reading your words I have the impression that you're trying to force yourself to see that you don't exist and feeling bad because you don't see it yet... that is a way of resisting the present experience that reinforces the illusion that the I is real.
I would prefer that you relax and allow dianne to be exactly like she is for the time being. Why not? Dianne isn't going to disappear after you see that she's an illusion. She's not here already and life is going on perfectly, so there isn't really someone or something to lose and no motive to feel bad with a non existing self.
The goal of our conversation is looking at reality and see what's true. There are two possibilities:
- or dianne exists and is a real, separate entity, apart from life and with the ability to control her life and what happens in it;
- or dianne doesn't exist and only This is real, life, the experiencing, the flow, what's felt, the seeing of thoughts and even the experience of identification with the illusory dianne.
Let's try to keep this very simple. I think we should go slower and look at a thing at a time. If you see that I'm going to fast - I seem to have a tendency to do that - please tell me. If you have doubts, also tell me. My pace isn't important, yours is.
My job here is telling you where to look for this dianne and ask you to prove me that she exists. You're job is to look
every time you remember and tell me "there she is, I can see her there!" or "dianne was present when this happened" or "I can't see her but... I think she's(...) :)
Is this approach OK with you?
I don't know how you can help me Sandra but your questions always make me stop and look and then look deeper somehow.
Wonderful. Really happy to know this. That's perfect. I think you're going really fine. Don't worry with the "final destination" and if possible try to enjoy the ride and be really curious when looking to what's always here to be seen.
Let's get back to here and now (isn't funny talking like this? Language implies that going to the past or future is possible...).
Let's say that dianne exists and she's reading these words. Not a past dianne or a future dianne.
A
now dianne.
Look and tell me what proves her existence in experience. Can this
now dianne be experienced with the senses?
Can she be seen?
Can she be heard?
Can she be felt?
Can she be smelled?
Can she be pointed at?
Take your time looking at this. Go one step at a time - and tell me how that goes.
If it helps make a post for each sense.
Sending love, Sandra
