Requesting a Guide

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,
Wow...just started these and they are very helpful. Think I'd better sit with these a couple of days and will let you know then how it is going! So far, I've done #1 & 2 and found the belief in others to be filled with fear.

With deep appreciation,
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Good for you. I like the way you are looking at fear for what it is. It can't hurt you. What I would like for you to start doing is just post every day about how you think this process "seems" to be changing life, the thoughts that show up in life, thoughts about what "Jane" is now, thoughts of how what you truly are could ever be "separate" from life, others, etc., etc., etc. If what we are doing here isn't changing those things, then this is still just another intellectual exercise, and we may need to refocus on another path.

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,
There are definitely changes that I am recognizing in my life. More joy is coming in, in the moment, as I am enjoying being in the silence of the moment. Before, being alone as much of my day is, felt empty at times. Now there seems to be more richness to just being with the moment. There is less looking for something to distract or medicate experience and more enjoyment of the moment with behaviors of turning of the tv and enjoying in the moment the fireplace or snow falling outside.

When I notice 'Jane' coming in, a simple "who is saying that?" helps to notice the commentary and bring awareness to just feeling the feelings. The second unfindable inquiry on others really brought up a lot of fear so I will redo that one a few more times... The body clip was also good but I'm not sure yet about changes there.

This is helpful to keep posting and allowing this to unfold!
With deep appreciation!
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Good. Turning off the T.V. more and more happened here as well. There is a certain joy in the quietness of this. I'm glad you're doing the guided imagery exercises. You stated in your answers to my intitial questions that you tend to be very audio oriented, and learned multi-sensorially, so I thought maybe hearing some of this stuff might shake things up a little more. Pay attention to the other senses as well. Notice how the sound, or the smell of the fireplace seems to just arise from time to time, unconnected to anything else; just something showing up in experience.

Enjoy.

[Hopefulness]

I thought of another koan yesterday I wanted to introduce you to. "Look and see what it is that exists between the time the last thought disappears, and the next thought appears"?

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

Yesterday I was wondering what I could write about the day because there was seemingly nothing. We had a snowstorm and I only went out once to get my granddaughter. The rest of the day I spent doing jigsaw puzzles and as I gave myself permission to just do that I realized the undercurrent of "this isn't productive and I'm wasting my time" thoughts coming in. The decision came to just enjoy the puzzles as the puzzles and to put down the push/pull connected with it. Realization is drooping in that the push/pull thoughts drop in a lot however that followed by a clear decision also drooped in yesterday later in the day.

I finished the Gateless Gatecrashers and have also been reading the archived threads on the LU site. I have been drawn to Fred Davis's book and website and wanted to check if it is ok to read other related materials such as his. I'm also sitting with whether this is from a continued seeking place but the draw is that there is resonance with his ways of stating things and he also seems very entertaining. Thoughts on this?

I am noticing more draw to spend time just enjoying the moment and exploring the new koan you wrote yesterday.

Enjoying this day!
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

No. I don't mind you looking at Fred's stuff. I like him. Very down to earth.

Here's something to help you with the koan. Look towards a light source and close your eyes. Notice the colors you see. Now notice what is noticing those colors. Is it "Jane" or is it pure unchanging awareness interrupted by occasional thoughts?

Enjoy.

[4connection]

Morning Hopefulness,

Reflecting on the last day, I've been looking for things to write about because things have been quite good! I think there is more of being in the moment and more acceptance of what is. There is also less of a tendency to do the self judgement thing and more acceptance which seems to open the path for something else to happen. I was able to use the Unfindable Inquiry while driving yesterday with good results...seeing no self behind the thought... recognizing the emotion attached to the thought...being with the emotion until it changed. Everything just melted.

With appreciation!
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

I'm a little late to the posting today.

You said,"seems to open the path for something else to happen." Talk about that expectation.

You said,"... recognizing the emotion attached to the thought." What was the emotion?

[4connection]

Morning Hopefulness,
What was meant by "open a path for something else to happen" is that when self judgement lifted there was more interest in other activities and more considering of actions to take. Kind of like a weight being lifted...a curiosity of what else there might be...not sure how much expectation was involved.

The emotion while driving was anger followed by fear. Sometimes I've noticed the anger and when that is recognized often fear or sadness are underneath.

Yesterday was full of recognizing things changing in my experiences. First a family situation arose and I felt hurt, sadness with a bit of anger mixed in. However I was able to stay in the interaction and clarify with the people involved while also hearing their perspective. The interaction didn't feel as personal as it usually does. I did spend some time before addressing the situation being with the emotion which quickly helped to form the next actions to take.

I also went to a movie with a friend yesterday. The movie was quite violent (not my usual style bit the I made an exception because it was such a great movie and real experience of life). Part way through I stepped away from what felt like being in the movie actually experiencing it to realizing that I was watching how the thoughts were coming into characters experiences and the emotions were exploding as well while people were getting more and more attached to the situations. It's like I could see it all and how it was constructed. It was amazing.

This process of writing what is happening is very helpful for me!
With deep appreciation!
Jane

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Good. The changes in perspective are noticed in this process, but the paradox is that there is no one noticing anything; just thoughts saying so.

I want you do some deeper looking now at this imaginary character that seems to have a body. I may have briefly touched on this earlier in the thread, but didn't think it was time to push it yet. I want you to go to your green spot and look, and see what gives you the feeling that awareness is located in a body. Look deeply, and identify everything that comes up. Where is it located exactly in the body? Take a note pad with you and make notes. What do the senses tell you?

Notice if any meaningful realizations come up during this exercise.

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

The first thing I looked at while walking earlier today is that as I looked for awareness in the body I noticed that it was not localized anywhere. I did notice the senses being involved with awareness somehow...I was aware of seeing, hearing, feeling pressure under the feet, walking happening, cold against the cheeks. But awareness was not really the body but more the sensations happening. As I walked, I also noticed that awareness became bigger somehow and encompassed the whole experience of a body walking with trees and grass, all being one in the awareness. Awareness felt as if it was just all around and very much not part of the body...the whole experience...no separation. This was a helpful exercise!

Jane

[Hopefulness]

Good. If you found that exercise helpful, then continue to do it.

Many people who have seen through the intellectual part of identity still feel separation due to sensorial identity, and that has to be dealt with as well. Most times, they will report awareness as being behind the eyes, which is what most people who have never even been through this process would say, if they ever honestly looked. If you find that to be true, we can work on it some, or, you can buy "The Direct Path" by Greg Goode, and systematically go through the exercises. I would recommend the book to anyone actually, not just people going though this process.

I want you to go back to page one here and read your answers to my initial questions, and write which-if any-things seem changed now, and if so, how. Number them if you would, to make it a little easier for me. You can write a lot, or a little, and if you don't think something has changed, ignore it of course.

I noticed in re-reading them that you said a friend suggested this web-site. That just struck me as a little unusual. It's not like this is an ordinary web site that a lot of people would visit such as hobby websites, current events, etc., etc., etc. Has your friend been through this process to completion? If so, is he/she helping you with this in any way?

[Hopefulness]

Hi again,

Just a reminder about the board timing you out on long posts.

And in re-reading my above post, I don't mean is someone helping you answer my questions. I just mean talking with you about the process, or something like that. I sometimes think back that it would have been nice to have an actual person to discuss this stuff with face to face.

Enjoy.

[4connection]

Hi Hopefulness,

I got the Direct Path book and was working with the first experiment today with the bell. I used a Tibetan bowl but, in not having another person to assist, I struck the bowl myself and then experienced the hearing. At first I was seeing the experience in parts...picking up the gong...seeing the bowl...striking the bowl and hearing the result...so to speak. As I played with it the experience became all one awareness...seeing...doing...hearing. All blending together. This book seems very helpful for continuing this process!

I haven't yet reanswered the original questions but will work with that today. I did want to share more information about the friend who introduced me to the site. She has been a mentor and now is a very close friend. She is a high intuitive and teacher of consciousness. When she suggested the site it was based on my expression of skepticism and discouragement with the growth process and my tiredness of what seemed like constant struggle with nothing really "sticking". I do not know how she knew about the site as I don't believe she has been through the guidance system herself. We do talk regularly but have not talked at all about this process and my experiences with the site. She knows I have taken her suggestion and that it has been very good for me but as for specifics and sharing the process, she knows nothing and has asked nothing. Our relationship is personal and conversations are about the results of the growth and impact on those around me rather than talking about the concepts or learning experience and there is no coaching/guidance going on as to my process. I support her with family and business processes she is doing also so conversations are often about things she is doing in her business.

Jane