Request for guidance, please.

[LAKSHMAN]

Hello sandra,
The illusion of a separate self is exactly that; an illusion. In this moment it feels difficult to explain in detail something that does not exist, something which is not being experienced in this moment.
I'll have a go.
It could be said that the effects of this illusion are, a sense of struggling to survive, amongst other "separate selves", the fear that this "separate self" will terminate, die, or be no more. Being in the illusion of a separate self takes the awareness away from the feeling of presence, of being now, which is a consistent undercurrent to existence. This unassociated sense of presence is "my" true identity, (not that it is really mine!).
When it starts? Well, we are all, to some extent. force-fed a sense of who we are from a very young age, and this identity that we are fed, has no relation to what we really are (this impersonal presence). This identity is all about name, sex, culture: I am this person, I'm good at this, I'm not good at that, I like this, I don't like that. It spends it's time trying to avoid pain, looking for pleasure, and trying to manipulate its "life", which is a struggle. This particular one which I was wearing, spent much of it's time searching for meaning to its existence. This identity clearly is not real! The understanding of its non-reality has dissolved this search.

[LAKSHMAN]

Do I make anything happen?
Well, on the most real level, everything is just being/happening, so no, an I that does not exist can not make anything happen, or not happen for that matter.
In the "manifest world" there is a question of action and free will etc, eg I could click "submit" for this message or not.
However as we are dealing with the true underlying reality of existence, the answer is no, its just all just getting on with being/happening, and is being perceived.
Please ask any more questions concerning this.
Love, Shannon.

[Canfora]

I love your availability to inquiry, Shannon.

5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.

Let's look at this, starting with choice.

Spend the day or the time it takes to see if you are making choices or if Life is running on automatic.

Take two possibilities of which you might ordinarily choose either - coffee or tea, blue pen or black pen, salt and pepper - after waking up you can also look if there is a self with the power to take you out of bed or if getting out of bed happens because... it just happens - I have a lot of fun with this last one :)

See if you can find the "choice-point" - a magical place where the apparent you can choose between this and that - where you could go either way…

Take your time and when you're 100 % sure please describe how choosing happens. Don't forget to give examples from direct experience!

Much love, Sandra

[LAKSHMAN]

Thanks Sandra, I will take some time to look at these.

[LAKSHMAN]

Sandra, this is great fun! Will write tomorrow. X.

[Canfora]

Glad you're enjoying it! Looking to the difference between direct experience and thoughts labeling it can be very fun indeed :)

Looking forward for your thoughts about choice!

[LAKSHMAN]

Hello Sandra.

This has been fun and interesting. I will tell you my observations.
As for "the apparent you can chose between this and that".
On a fundamental basis the apparent me does not exist, so it making choices is kind of ridiculous.
However, on an every day basis, it appears that "choices" are made, or are they? ;-)

The cat's naughty! I chose to kick the cat, or not to kick the cat. I chose not to, the choosing just..... happens.

Sensation:thirst. Thought: Drink water. Action just happens.

The thought appears: "listen to some music", I chose to listen to Cream, something knows it will be enjoyed.
Something in me choses to dance a bit, it just starts, without "deciding to".

Thought arises " should I shower" Other thought; "I wont decide now". Later a thought pops up "Ah! I'll have a shower".

Do I chose to talk to myself in a funny accent whilst I am cooking? No, it just happens!

After dinner a little voice pops up; "Watch a movie" Another voice; F**k yeah! great idea. The voice comes out of nowhere.
I don't watch a movie, I didn't decide not to, I just didn't watch one.

If I look at the moment of apparent choice in these small day to day matters, there is not really a choice made by a chooser, it just pops up!

This morning: "it's a cloudy day, I'll get up on the roof and fix that tile" There was no decision, it just popped into my head.

This evening I saw the wind was good for paragliding (parapente), Choice to go or not; I experienced some uncertanty as to whether it was a good idea or not, want to concentrate on this etc. Went to the flying place and saw that the conditions were not perfect, looked and thought and spoke to another pilot. A lot of thinking and weighing up of factors, and I came to the decision not to fly. This felt like my decision.

A "magical choice point" is not apparent to me. But if I look right at the moment "coffee or tea" a "choice" just pops up out of nowhere.

Am experiencing very little in the way of "stories", and much presence.

Interested to hear your insights. X, Shannon.

[LAKSHMAN]

On further reflection of the last "choice" I wrote about; to fly or not.
Gathering information, wind speed, consistency, direction, listening to what others say. Feeling what I intuitively feel about the situation. Then the "decision" not to fly just "pops up!"

[Canfora]

Hi Shannon, I’m sorry for the delay in answering. I'm back to work after 2 weeks of vacations :(

Loved reading your experiences with choice (and knowing about the cat, the movie, the "conversations between thoughts", the tile on the roof, that you talk to you in a funny accent, that you do paragliding and like listening to Cream and dance alone! Tks for sharing - you are living with an interesting character!)

I'm happy to know that you couldn't find a chooser, only life flowing. The thoughts about choices beeing done and about the existance of a chooser are also part of the flow...

When you were trying to find a chooser, did you see a you doing or controlling anything? Is there a self that kicks the cat, dances a bit, talks with itself, loves Cream, does paragliding and reads these words?

Much love, Sandra

[LAKSHMAN]

Hi Sandra.
You're right there, I'm living with an interesting character! :-D
I'm really seeing this too, it is a character, with whom there used to be so much identification.
There can be a sense of "me" when this character is living its life, but when looked at it is clear that it is not the controller of events.
I have a house full of guests for a few days, throughout this process of investigation I have had the blessing to be alone. the guests are welcome, but I may not be able to write so regularly for the next days.
Love and gratitude, Shannon.

[Canfora]

Hi Shannon.

Thank you for letting me know that you have less time to inquiry.

Much love, Sandra (have fun!)

[LAKSHMAN]

Hello Sandra,
Sorry I didn't write yesterday, things are a bit hectic here. But fine.
Yesterday the deal which I had been working on for some months to sell my house fell through. Interesting to see my reactions; almost none. In reality, it makes no difference at all! He he!
I was planning to sell and move to Portugal, to be near Mooji (my teacher) and the community he has.
It's clear to observe that we tend to have an idea of what's good for us, and try to manipulate life to suit this idea. This whole thing has completely loosened up. I have no idea whats best for me in "my life" the doors are open to all possibilities. The reality of now is totally un-efected by all this.
I hope being back at work is ok for you.

Love, Shannon.

[Canfora]

Hi Shannon :)

It's clear to observe that we tend to have an idea of what's good for us, and try to manipulate life to suit this idea. This whole thing has completely loosened up. I have no idea whats best for me in "my life" the doors are open to all possibilities. The reality of now is totally un-efected by all this.

So true, life goes on and "our idea of what's good for us" or "trying to manipulate" can't change a thing, because there is no "you" that is living "your" life. There is just life and the movement of life!

I hope being back at work is ok for you.

Of course it's OK, just give me "something" to us both look at.

If you still believe there is a separated entity living "your" life, look at direct experience and please tell me:

- what is this I?

- were can it be found?

Looking forward to your answers!

Love, Sandra

[LAKSHMAN]

Hi Sandra,
Sorry I haven't been writing much lately, things are a bit hectic. I will write tomorrow.
Love, Shannon.

[Canfora]

Hi, Shannon, that's OK. Thank you for telling me :)
Love, Sandra