Ready to let go. Requesting a guide.

[Tao]

By George, could it be 'you' got it! Did 'you' see the humor when it applied to 'this one' but hold' yourself' to different standards???? Can you see that conditioning can still appear AS one sees thru the illusion of self?! What are your expectations? That conditioning will automatically dissolve? Usually, it lingers around for quite a while! (Conditioning has been around for many years!)

Could it be that you HAVE seen thru the illusion of self AS conditioning still appears? What is your reaction to this after going within? What appears thru SEEing?

Hi Gomi

Again I'm not sure, how would it be known? I expect conditioning will still appear, yet it won't stick in the same way that it does. Self still feels strong. There is an ongoing of taking things personally. I suppose I expect a sense of liberation, a clear knowing there is no self and hence a seeing of things as they arise, not related to a self. Everything still relates to self, unless it arises and a thought appears that it belongs to nothing, that it is just an arising.

I remembered some past occurances where things happened and there was no 'self' thoughts in such situations, just an experience. The stories fall away, the emotions don't escalate, there just is, appearances yet nothing for them to stick to, like they can pass right through. But these are just memories, just more thoughts.

There can be a dwelling in direct experience, yet it is not often long before thoughts are 'fallen into' again. The thoughts of 'me in the world' still appear and often they are followed. It feels like an ongoing practise of holding the awareness as to observe, rather than get sucked in.

I suppose I expect a 'seeing' through the illusion, whereas at the moment there is confusion about the whole thing. What am 'I'?

[Gomi]

Dearest Benny,

Questions:

1.'Thoughts of me shouldn't be present..especially if i were liberated'. Is it true? Can you absolutely know it is true?
2.Who/what would you be if you couldn't attach to the thought:' I am not seeing clearly'?
3.Who/what would you be if you couldn't attach to the thought: 'Conditioning shouldn't stick so strongly.'
4.Who/what would you be without the thought: 'The self still feels strong.'
5.Why as a human BEing, wouldn't you experience the full range of possibilities ?

Please receptively go into DE and let the questions live within you. Write the living answers. (Obviously, this is not to answered from your mind, just DE)

I remembered some past occurances where things happened and there was no 'self' thoughts in such situations, just an experience. The stories fall away, the emotions don't escalate, there just is, appearances yet nothing for them to stick to, like they can pass right through. But these are just memories, just more thoughts.

Exactly. DE is fresh, alive, no separation. No thinker. Thinking of past DE can only be thoughts! Beautiful observation!!!

The confusion, frustration, etc. are your tickets to see thru the illusion of self. This is a perfect spot to be in! Welcome them, as 'frustrating' as they may appear on the surface to 'you'. :-)
Gomi

[Gomi]

Hi Benny,
Haven't heard from you in a couple of days. It is important to keep up the commitment of posting each day. Are you just busy or is it something else? Even if you can't check in with a detailed post, keep the commitment to seeing thru the illusion of the false self going. If uncomfortable thoughts or feelings are arising, it is especially helpful to use these feelings to see them for what they are.
Loving,
Gomi

[Tao]

Hi Benny,
Haven't heard from you in a couple of days. It is important to keep up the commitment of posting each day. Are you just busy or is it something else? Even if you can't check in with a detailed post, keep the commitment to seeing thru the illusion of the false self going. If uncomfortable thoughts or feelings are arising, it is especially helpful to use these feelings to see them for what they are.
Loving,
Gomi

Hey Gomi, many apologies! I have been away for the weekend and I thought I would have internet access but it turns out I couldn't use it. Sorry about that. I will need to post tomorrow now as it is late here. I can assure you of my commitment to seeing through the illusion :) I will do my best to at least post everyday even if it isn't too detailed. I have continued with the exercises, the last post was especially helpful as it shows what thoughts there are still attachments to, and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings have been arising. I will go into more detail tomorrow. Apologies again.

Benny

[Tao]

Hi Gomi. Bare with me on this one.

More of the self is being revealed and it is proving to be quite painful. And a lot of confusion and frustration is arising.

It is seen that thoughts are just ideas, just possibilities. Thoughts are not reality, thoughts are imagination. There is a fascination with certain possibilities, certain imaginings.

There is a lot of discomfort. Being entangled in thoughts is deeply dissatisfying and uncomfortable. It causes negative states of being, it creates negative feelings. It creates suffering. IT REVEALS ONLY CONCEPTS. There is a disenchantment with this state of being, yet a massive pull into thoughts is still there. A constant attaching to thoughts. Being overwhelmed by thoughts for most of the day is deeply displeasing, unsatisfying, even painful. It is seen and felt as uncomfortable. There is not wanting to be lost in thought anymore. A deep wanting to just let go, yet 'I' wont let go.

On the other hand, there is a sustaining of awareness, away from identification with thought, which, depending on its length, brings about peace, bliss, LIBERATION. So there is a 'me' trying to look, with awareness. But thoughts about this 'me', looking, are again thoughts. It is a paradox, deeply confusing.

Awareness, looking, is only there when identity with thought is not there. Identity with thought, being lost in thought, believing a thought is a loss of awareness. A deep frustration because it feels like there is a 'me' that needs to sustain an awareness to 'see' the truth, to see through the illusion. If there is not awareness, then there is lost in thought, and thought only ever provides concepts, ideas, possiblities, self, not TRUTH.

Even the thought that awareness can lost in thought is just another thought. There is a frustration with not seeing things clearly. With not seeing how things are, with not knowing. A frustration with the blindness, the confusion. Yet concepts, ideas, possiblities is all there is on offer. All that is ever revealed. There is a deep frustration with looking, and only concepts being revealed.

There is a deep yearning to see things as they are. There is existential dissatisfaction. There is hatred of self, frustration with story, being lost in thought. A deep yearning to be mothered, to be loved, to be connected, to be whole. And there is a search for that love, for that nurture. There is a holding on to story because there is some belief, or perhaps there is still hope, that this need to be loved, to be mothered, to be whole, can be fulfilled by story if only 'I' get things right, or certain things turn out right, or even if 'I' see through the illusion.

There is a deep aching with it all. A painful aching. There is a deep sadness, which in some senses is beautiful, but it is also very painful. Such little energy or will to play the game. It is exhausting. It is the thought created craving that is exhausting, that is painful. The craving for wholeness, for love, for nurture and the mind searching for these things. Thoughts creating craving, thoughts seeking solution to craving. Craving for comfort, bliss, love, and a desperate search and a thin, very thin, hope that fulfillment can be found within the story, somewhere.

There is disliking the person that I am and what the self does to try to find a solution to the craving, and the pain that is caused to self and others by self attempting unskillfully to satisfy the cravings. There is a self longing for fulfillment and the painful states brought about by such. A longing to be free from all of this yet a constant pull into it all.

The persistent need to identify with thoughts is exhausting. It is confusing, because is there an 'I' trying? I look? I meditate? If there is not, then what? WHAT CAN BE DONE? I feel like I'm going round in circles.

Benny

[Gomi]

Hi, hon,

Bare with me on this one.

Absolutely...The space is open for investigation. Nice that the flashlight is turned on and focused. Let's see what shows up.

More of the self is being revealed and it is proving to be quite painful. And a lot of confusion and frustration is arising.

Is self revealed or a story based upon wanting things to 'be' different revealed? Take time to SEE if the statement "More of the self is being revealed and is proving to be painful" is true. Don't go further without really checking this out. Do not use your mind, use DE. What is found? What self is/can be revealed?

A deep yearning to be mothered, to be loved, to be connected, to be whole.

Wonderful that this has come up! Please sit with this using DE. Allow any sensations, feelings, thoughts to run its course. Watch the potential desire to want to push it away. Just allow it to speak itself thru DE and not the mind. Please write down the living experience. Not from the past or future desires. Just here and now.

Being entangled in thoughts is deeply dissatisfying and uncomfortable.

What would happen if thoughts were just allowed to be? What controls thoughts? Can thoughts be controlled? It seems like 'you' have tried to do this. Is it working?!

A deep wanting to just let go, yet 'I' wont let go.

Don't pass this up. Sit with this: IS there an I to let go? Have you ever found an "I" to be real that doesn't contain a personal label stuck onto thoughts, feelings, body sensations, etc? If it's there, have it show itself. Is it in the mind? The body? The emotions? The senses? Direct Experiences occur but is an "I" in it? Do not move past this. Really LOOK! Go into DE. Look at sensations. Are sensations just happening and then personal thoughts attach to the sensations. LOOK. As 'you' are looking ask yourself this: Is there an inside and out? Does the 'i' begin and end in the body only?

Thoughts are not reality, thoughts are imagination.

Thoughts ARE real. The personal content is not. Take time and SEE if this is true. Don't go further without checking this out. Do not use your mind, use DE. What is found? Is Santa thought? Is he real? This can be done with any thought. Check it out.

There is a holding on to story because there is some belief, or perhaps there is still hope, that this need to be loved, to be mothered, to be whole, can be fulfilled by story if only 'I' get things right, or certain things turn out right, or even if 'I' see through the illusion.

Yes, this one's conditioning can return to that as well. This is the crying out of the universal human BEing's yearnings and desires. It is known on some level that it can't be filled...but there is always 'false' HOPE, until SEEn for what it is.. :-) The SEEing of this allows for space. The identification to that yearning lessens each time it is SEEn for what it is. While 'you' see it as a negative, it's SEEing has the seeds of freedom. Notice what opens up in inquiry!!

On the other hand, there is a sustaining of awareness, away from identification with thought, which, depending on its length, brings about peace, bliss, LIBERATION. So there is a 'me' trying to look, with awareness. But thoughts about this 'me', looking, are again thoughts. It is a paradox, deeply confusing.

There isn't a paradox actually. It is pretty straight forward. When there is confusion, go directly to DE and see if there can be confusion.

There is a deep aching with it all. A painful aching.

How bout sitting with the aching. Open to it using DE. Just watch the sensation of the pain. Notice what happens when the sensation is there without judgement. See when judgement puts meaning onto it. In which case is there sensation and which is there sensation and suffering?

WHAT CAN BE DONE? I feel like I'm going round in circles.

WHAT CAN BE DONE? Smiling... In DE life arises and dissolves anew.

From now on, on please answer all the questions and do the exercises. Important pointers and exercises have gotten overlooked. It might be of value to go back over past posts and list the questions and write down the living answers from DE.
Loving...
Gomi

[Gomi]

I hit the submit button rather than quote. This was given to me by my guide. See if it is helpful:

You have SEEn the nature of Reality (that it is only your current experiencing, that it all exists in you) now we have the process of rewiring the brain to allow the old, conditioned pathways to atrophy, and new synaptic connections to establish. So concentrate on this as the prime focus;
Whenever you recognise that a story has started (that is everything that is not purely a description of current experiencing), Celebrate the Recognition with a chuckle. You will have to intentionally do this in the beginning. The chuckle may seem fake, but do it anyway. It's a Neurolinguistic technique of 'anchoring'.
In the beginning that Recognition may happen after the story line has finished, or you may Recognise it during the execution of the story, and occasionally (in the beginning) it may happen as a story is about to start. When ever it is SEEn, do the chuckle. If you can make sure that your stomach does a definite contraction as you chuckle. (this promotes the release of hormones that change the brain chemistry)
Now, stories are always conceptual, but some are useful. They are still stories, so do the chuckle, but go ahead and indulge them for their usefulness, but now with the awareness that they are stories there will be a certain objectivity with them and any emotional response is different.

[Tao]

Is self revealed or a story based upon wanting things to 'be' different revealed? Take time to SEE if the statement "More of the self is being revealed and is proving to be painful" is true. Don't go further without really checking this out. Do not use your mind, use DE. What is found? What self is/can be revealed?

Yes, it is a story that wants things to be different. There is a thought that arises in relation to the recognition of previous thoughts. The thought is, 'I don't want to be lost in thought anymore', or 'Why can't I see things clearly?'.

Recognition of habitual and conditioned thoughts and behaviors is occurring, more so than before. It is the recognizing the behaviors that is uncomfortable, and yes, that is because of thoughts arising, wanting those behaviors and thoughts to be different.

What would happen if thoughts were just allowed to be? What controls thoughts? Can thoughts be controlled? It seems like 'you' have tried to do this. Is it working?!

No thoughts can't be controlled, but they can be observed with awareness.

There is a holding on to story because there is some belief, or perhaps there is still hope, that this need to be loved, to be mothered, to be whole, can be fulfilled by story if only 'I' get things right, or certain things turn out right, or even if 'I' see through the illusion.

Yes, this one's conditioning can return to that as well. This is the crying out of the universal human BEing's yearnings and desires. It is known on some level that it can't be filled...but there is always 'false' HOPE, until SEEn for what it is.. :-) The SEEing of this allows for space. The identification to that yearning lessens each time it is SEEn for what it is. While 'you' see it as a negative, it's SEEing has the seeds of freedom. Notice what opens up in inquiry!!

The false hope begins more stories about how wholeness can be attained. There is a conditioned 'reaching out' that takes place automatically, in thought, and in habitual behaviors. Now these have been seen more, there are more thoughts and feelings that want things to be otherwise. These cause pain.

There isn't a paradox actually. It is pretty straight forward. When there is confusion, go directly to DE and see if there can be confusion.

The confusion is negative feeling and thought. Everything appears unclear or clouded with a negative overtone.

There is a deep aching with it all. A painful aching.

How bout sitting with the aching. Open to it using DE. Just watch the sensation of the pain. Notice what happens when the sensation is there without judgement. See when judgement puts meaning onto it. In which case is there sensation and which is there sensation and suffering?

Yes, it is the judgement of, interpretation of the feeling that causes suffering. It is like the feeling is felt, and then a story starts about how to make things different, or why things need to be different.

From now on, on please answer all the questions and do the exercises. Important pointers and exercises have gotten overlooked. It might be of value to go back over past posts and list the questions and write down the living answers from DE.

Ok sure. It might be worth us focusing on one exercise at a time so I don't keep wandering off track and getting lost. It might help if I can reply after each exercise has been examined.

[Tao]

I hit the submit button rather than quote. This was given to me by my guide. See if it is helpful:

You have SEEn the nature of Reality (that it is only your current experiencing, that it all exists in you) now we have the process of rewiring the brain to allow the old, conditioned pathways to atrophy, and new synaptic connections to establish. So concentrate on this as the prime focus;
Whenever you recognise that a story has started (that is everything that is not purely a description of current experiencing), Celebrate the Recognition with a chuckle. You will have to intentionally do this in the beginning. The chuckle may seem fake, but do it anyway. It's a Neurolinguistic technique of 'anchoring'.
In the beginning that Recognition may happen after the story line has finished, or you may Recognise it during the execution of the story, and occasionally (in the beginning) it may happen as a story is about to start. When ever it is SEEn, do the chuckle. If you can make sure that your stomach does a definite contraction as you chuckle. (this promotes the release of hormones that change the brain chemistry)
Now, stories are always conceptual, but some are useful. They are still stories, so do the chuckle, but go ahead and indulge them for their usefulness, but now with the awareness that they are stories there will be a certain objectivity with them and any emotional response is different.

This exercise is fantastic. It takes a lot of weight out of the stories, and it marks a definite point of recognition of the stories. It is harder when the stories are painful, I suppose this is the re-wiring that has to take place? Stories can often be recognised as they are coming in. Their frequency results in a lot of fake chuckles. It is an ongoing practise no doubt. How often should it be done?

[Gomi]

Dear Benny,

It might be worth us focusing on one exercise at a time so I don't keep wandering off track and getting lost. It might help if I can reply after each exercise has been examined.

Absolutely! Yesterday the same thought arose.

Let's fine tune DE versus self referencing. Let's focus upon the differences between doing exercises with Direct Experiences vs. mental descriptions and analysis.This may be the missing link.

Please read Neil's link on Direct Experiences: http://www.liberationunleashed.com/Arti ... ience.html
This is a segment of Neil's description.' The illusion of separation is maintained by a stream of self referencing thoughts that are based on past conditioning. The most common reference point is a thought-created center referred to as "I" / "me" / "self". There is no such center, and those self-labels refer only to other thoughts, or to some aspect of Experience. By referring to D.E., one is able to deconstruct any assumptions of separation or self, and see that there is just an Experience. There may be thoughts about Experience that conceptually divide certain aspects of Experience into a "me" and other aspects into "the outside world", yet those thoughts are also just a part of Experience, and as such there is ONLY Experience."

It is the 'experience' that DE is directed towards. Can you see the difference between experiencing what is happening right here and now vs. self referencing? Frequently 'you' use sentences like' 'I don't want to be lost in thought anymore', or 'Why can't I see things clearly?'.' Can you see it is self referencing?

Today lets look at seeing that which was believed was the 'subject and mind' is really an 'arising object'.

Notice the mind. The exercise is checking out if the mind be found?
Have a seat. Sit, breathe, just take time LOOK for the current 'state' of mental activity in the mind. What makes this state seem active? What makes it one moment seem active and the next inactive. Write down the characteristics that make this state seem active i.e.; more energy, thoughts come quicker, sensations appear lighter, memory, feelings etc. Only write down what arises. Do the characteristics make you feel like the mind was active? What is the state of mind? It's activity..Where is the mind?! Where is the Direct Experience of the active mind? As LOOKing occurs and thoughts arise, can 'you' find a 'you' any where or just thoughts appearing?

Love,
Gomi

[Tao]

Let's fine tune DE versus self referencing. Let's focus upon the differences between doing exercises with Direct Experiences vs. mental descriptions and analysis.This may be the missing link.

Yes definitely!

Please read Neil's link on Direct Experiences: http://www.liberationunleashed.com/Arti ... ience.html
This is a segment of Neil's description.' The illusion of separation is maintained by a stream of self referencing thoughts that are based on past conditioning. The most common reference point is a thought-created center referred to as "I" / "me" / "self". There is no such center, and those self-labels refer only to other thoughts, or to some aspect of Experience. By referring to D.E., one is able to deconstruct any assumptions of separation or self, and see that there is just an Experience. There may be thoughts about Experience that conceptually divide certain aspects of Experience into a "me" and other aspects into "the outside world", yet those thoughts are also just a part of Experience, and as such there is ONLY Experience."

Loved the article. Yes there are constant thoughts that conceptually divide experience into 'me' in relation to the 'outside world'

An example: There is perception of sound, and almost immediately thoughts arise that suggest that the sound is being perceived by 'me' the perceiver. The thoughts place where the sound is coming from in relation from my body, and what is making the sound. A story line begins in thought.

There is perception of a tractor somewhere in the distance as I lay in a field. It is not DEFINITELY a tractor, but thoughts say it is so. It is perceived that it is coming from a certain location in relation to where 'I' am. 'I hope the tractor isn't coming this way'. Perceptions of whether the sound is getting louder appear and more thoughts that decide whether the tractor is coming closer. Future projections also appear, imaging what I will have to do to get out of the way of it. All of this and no tractor was ever seen - just a sound that sounded like a tractor.

It is the 'experience' that DE is directed towards. Can you see the difference between experiencing what is happening right here and now vs. self referencing? Frequently 'you' use sentences like' 'I don't want to be lost in thought anymore', or 'Why can't I see things clearly?'.' Can you see it is self referencing?

Yes, I can see that they are thoughts that appear, often straight after it has been recognized there was a storyline playing out.

Today lets look at seeing that which was believed was the 'subject and mind' is really an 'arising object'.

Notice the mind. The exercise is checking out if the mind be found?
Have a seat. Sit, breathe, just take time LOOK for the current 'state' of mental activity in the mind. What makes this state seem active? What makes it one moment seem active and the next inactive. Write down the characteristics that make this state seem active i.e.; more energy, thoughts come quicker, sensations appear lighter, memory, feelings etc. Only write down what arises. Do the characteristics make you feel like the mind was active? What is the state of mind? It's activity..Where is the mind?! Where is the Direct Experience of the active mind? As LOOKing occurs and thoughts arise, can 'you' find a 'you' any where or just thoughts appearing?

There is a feeling that has a certain flavour to it. An alive feeling. Anxiety arises. Just a feeling, it just feels a certain way. Thoughts arise that suggest that the feeling is coming from a certain place in the body, i.e the heart, likewise, thoughts arise that suggest thoughts come from the brain.

Thoughts appear and conceptualize the mind. Mind can't be found. There are thoughts that place mind as being contained within the brain or body. Maybe somewhere in the head - even the thoughts themselves aren't too sure where it is.

There is a thought that when 'I' am directly experiencing, that 'I' will perceive the world a certain way. This is a persistent thought.

Memories of the past appear - sometimes very random memories, childhood memories.

Perceptions of sounds - and thoughts straight after that place the sound in relation to my body - likewise with sights.

Projections of the future appear. What I am going to write on here, how I am going to respond to your post being a frequent one.

Imagined sounds arise (audible thoughts)- as if they have been playing around and around in the mind but just not consciously observed until now. Voices, my own voice speaking my thoughts, tunes, songs. These things appear more if 'I' am looking, or listening for them. It feels like once they have been made aware of, they quieten away, the mind becomes more peaceful.

As the article said, thoughts constantly place a 'me' at the center of all experience, as a perceiver of that which is perceived. Many of these thoughts have been noted.

There are sounds that are perceived as inside of me and sounds that are perceived as outside of me. In other words there are subjective sounds and objective sounds. There are sounds that are perceived as playing in the mind, and sounds that are perceived as coming in through the ears.

The same with images, perceived subjective images, perceived objective images. There are images that are perceived as being of the mind, and images that are perceived as coming in through the eyes. images inside, images outside.

Mental activity appears less active when there is a receptivity to experience as it is here and now. Mental activity appears far more active most of the time that not active. The mind appears to be active when thoughts arise - which is most of the time. There are thoughts after thoughts, that recognize the previous thoughts were thoughts.

There are reflections of what just happened. Reflections of what was perceived to have happened in the outside world. Images and sounds coming in to the mind like an echo of memories of a external event that just took place. Memories about what just happened. Like a mirror reflection. There are thoughts arise that decide what these reflections mean in relation to 'me'. How that particular external event will affect 'me' and what should be done about it, what 'I' should do to make sure things are ok.

There are thoughts about being in more reflective states of being, more tranquil states, states where mental activity is quieter, states where mental activity is not identified with. there are thoughts about seeing the 'truth' and how it will impact 'me'. As you spoke about before, expectations arise, or assumptions about what that truth will look like. What it is to directly experience, there are thoughts about this, guesses as to what this will feel like.

Thoughts the whole time about me being a perceiver and there being a perceived. Thoughts about the outside world being perceived by 'me', a mind inside and brain inside a body. And these thoughts are so frequent they maintain a constant appearance of who 'I' am. There is an ongoing sense of 'me'.

There are thoughts that certain parts of the body are feeling certain sensations. If there is a pain in my hand, an image will appear that places the pain as coming from the hand, again maintaining the edges of my being.

[Gomi]

Dear Benny,

Ah ha, something occurred over here after reading your last post. Let's explore it. You say you SEE you are not your thoughts but that they move into quickly into self identification.

Yes, I can see that they are thoughts that appear, often straight after it has been recognized there was a storyline playing out.

Another quote regarding how Direct Experience occurs and then jumps immediately into self referencing:

There is perception of sound, and almost immediately thoughts arise that suggest that the sound is being perceived by 'me' the perceiver. The thoughts place where the sound is coming from in relation from my body, and what is making the sound. A story line begins in thought.

Thought is recognized as just thought but then gets 'IDENTIFIED WITH BODY AWARENESS'. Could this be a huge part of the sticking point?! Another example of BODY IDENTIFICATION:

Another example is perception of a tractor somewhere in the distance as I lay in a field. It is not DEFINITELY a tractor, but thoughts say it is so. It is perceived that it is coming from a certain location in relation to where 'I' am. 'I hope the tractor isn't coming this way'. Perceptions of whether the sound is getting louder appear and more thoughts that decide whether the tractor is coming closer. Future projections also appear, imaging what I will have to do to get out of the way of it. All of this and no tractor was ever seen - just a sound that sounded like a tractor.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE :-)

There is a feeling that has a certain flavour to it. An alive feeling. Anxiety arises. Just a feeling, it just feels a certain way. Thoughts arise that suggest that the feeling is coming from a certain place in the body, i.e the heart, likewise, thoughts arise that suggest thoughts come from the brain.

There are other things that could be addressed in the post, but taking one area at a time is revealing possible sticking points.

Let's keep it to IDENTIFICATION OF THE BODY. Also, let's use the seed from your quote as a jumping off point:

Like a mirror reflection. There are thoughts arise that decide what these reflections mean in relation to 'me'.

Lets take how the body is experienced thru the senses. Today, focus on sight in relationship to the body.

This exercise is given by Greg Goode. In fact, his book 'The Direct Path' has some really good exercises that i maybe referencing in the next couple of posts.(It's a good book.You might want to check it out at some point.) For right now, however, let's just keep the exercises simple by doing one at a time.

Sit at a desk. Breathe. Notice the gap between your in breath and out breath for a couple of minutes. Rest in awareness.
Look at your hands for 5 seconds
Close your eyes for 5 seconds, then repeat the exercise 5 times.
Ask yourself the following questions about your Direct Experience. (Set aside thinking, memory, imagination.)
Is there any direct experience of a hand causing the color that arises?
Is there any direct experience of a color arising apart from vision?
Do vision and color ever arise independently of each other? If color and vision always arise together, then how can it be that you actually 'see a color'?
Do you ever experience vision in the absence of witnessing awareness?
Is vision something that you experience to be present, which is then picked up by witnessing awareness to be apprehended?
When you are looking away is there any direct experience of a hand missing?
When your eyes are closed are there any colors arising to vision? Is that color still present?
If colors are not appearing, is there any direct visual experience of a body that is either present or absent?
Does your hand come and go or just the images and colors?
Is the image your hand or does it represent your hand?

Try this exercise with other parts of your body. Keep going into Direct Experience and ask if there is anything that is experienced apart from (or in absence of) witnessing awareness?

Is there anything directly experienced to be the body other than awareness?

Love,
Gomi

[Tao]

Hi Gomi. Challenging exercise today.

Ah ha, something occurred over here after reading your last post. Let's explore it. You say you SEE you are not your thoughts but that they move into quickly into self identification.
Another quote regarding how Direct Experience occurs and then jumps immediately into self referencing:

Yes this happens all the time.

Thought is recognized as just thought but then gets 'IDENTIFIED WITH BODY AWARENESS'. Could this be a huge part of the sticking point?!

Yes definitely, today's exercise is difficult to grasp which could suggest being stuck here. Identification with the body is strong.

There are other things that could be addressed in the post, but taking one area at a time is revealing possible sticking points.

Great!

Is there any direct experience of a hand causing the color that arises?

As well as the color of the hand, there is also a feeling that is perceived to be coming from the hand. This strengthens the belief that there is a hand.

Is there any direct experience of a color arising apart from vision?

The color of the hand is only experienced when vision of the hand is experienced.

Do vision and color ever arise independently of each other? If color and vision always arise together, then how can it be that you actually 'see a color'?

This is where things get 'sticky'. Color and vision always come together. It feels like there are eyes looking. In direct experience there are no eyes, but there is a sense of eyes looking.

Do you ever experience vision in the absence of witnessing awareness?

I guess not. Nothing is experienced without witnessing awareness.

Is vision something that you experience to be present, which is then picked up by witnessing awareness to be apprehended?

Sorry, I don't understand this question

When you are looking away is there any direct experience of a hand missing?

No, only if there is a thought that there is a hand missing, which I suppose isn't direct experience.

When your eyes are closed are there any colors arising to vision? Is that color still present?

Yes there are colors of what is perceived to be the back of my eyelids and light movements on the surface of the eye. They are darker colors and the color of the hand isn't there.

If colors are not appearing, is there any direct visual experience of a body that is either present or absent?
Does your hand come and go or just the images and colors?

There is perception that the hand is still there even when the eyes are closed. The hand is felt to be there and thoughts also say it is there.

Is there anything directly experienced to be the body other than awareness?

There are tiny flashes of unity between experience and experienced, but thoughts and habitual perceptions jump in so quickly that there is an ongoing sense of the body

[Gomi]

Hi!
Nice observations. Doing the exercises as diligently as they were done has opened up doors! Wonderful!!!

Challenging exercise today

What is speaking this? :-)

You say you SEE you are not your thoughts but that they move into quickly into self identification.
Another quote regarding how Direct Experience occurs and then jumps immediately into self referencing:
'Yes this happens all the time'.

Wonderful. The focus today is to see if two things are now established. Direct experience is occurring ...and then...self referencing/body identification thoughts.

Identification with the body is strong.

Bingo.

As well as the color of the hand, there is also a feeling that is perceived to be coming from the hand. This strengthens the belief that there is a hand

Great. Let's go with this lead. The next exercise tomorrow will look at: IS THERE ANYTHING DIRECTLY EXPERIENCED TO BE THE BODY OTHER THAN AWARENESS?

Color and vision always come together. It feels like there are eyes looking. In direct experience there are no eyes, but there is a sense of eyes looking.

"Feeling' indicates a state of mind. No eyes but LOOKing is Direct Experience. Nice!!! This is IT!

Nothing is experienced without witnessing awareness

To fine tune this a little, Awareness IS. When it is 'witnessed' there is still duality. In direct experience there is no duality. It IS. Can you SEE this is true from DE? It's a subtle difference. By it's nature, words are in contradiction here but, "Can you notice the distinction?"

When you are looking away is there any direct experience of a hand missing?
'No, only if there is a thought that there is a hand missing, which I suppose isn't direct experience.'

Thoughts are a part of DE. Nothing is excluded, yet nothing is held onto. Nothing personal. Thoughts arise and dissolve. Keep check this out during the day.

There is perception that the hand is still there even when the eyes are closed. The hand is felt to be there and thoughts also say it is there.

Not sure i understand the answer. Are you saying that the perception is the image and color? If so, yes. No more, no less. As far as the rest of the answer, that will be addressed in the next exercise.

There are tiny flashes of unity between experience and experienced

:-)

OK. Don't want to move too fast. Before the next exercise let's make sure this is alive within 'your' direct experience: (Taking into account that thoughts will quickly move into self referencing, body identification): Is this true? Thoughts just arise, there is no "I". They arise and dissolve on their own. No controller. No "I" to control anything. Is this what is found in DE?. When LOOKing as DE is occurring, is there an "I" to be found? (Again, we will deal with the self referencing of the body soon. First there is DE, then a short space then self/body identification surfaces?) Right? If not, please clarify.

Loving,
Gomi

[Tao]

Hey Gomi

Wonderful. The focus today is to see if two things are now established. Direct experience is occurring ...and then...self referencing/body identification thoughts.

It is more like a constant stream of self referencing thoughts, and the occasional recognition of those thoughts. Today recognition of self referencing thoughts was strong for a while.

Thoughts are constantly defining all experience. Telling a story about it. 'I have this experience'. 'I had this glimpse' There are very tiny holes where the light comes in, but mainly just thought.

Even the smallest experience, 'I lifted my arm to drink from my bottle', 'I performed that movement'. self referencing thoughts are like butterflies around every experience. Self referencing thoughts are vast and continuous. 'I hear a clock', 'I sit with awareness', 'my stomach is rumbling'.

To fine tune this a little, Awareness IS. When it is 'witnessed' there is still duality. In direct experience there is no duality. It IS. Can you SEE this is true from DE? It's a subtle difference.

Hmm, I can't see it. I can understand it logically but it isn't seen. This could be the issue.

(Taking into account that thoughts will quickly move into self referencing, body identification)[/i]: Is this true? Thoughts just arise, there is no "I". They arise and dissolve on their own. No controller. No "I" to control anything.
Is this what is found in DE?. When LOOKing as DE is occurring, is there an "I" to be found? (Again, we will deal with the self referencing of the body soon. First there is DE, then a short space then self/body identification surfaces?) Right? If not, please clarify.

There is no control over thoughts. 'I' have no control over 'my' thoughts - which shows there is still identification somewhere. Like I say, it is like a constant stream of self referencing thoughts - sometimes these are recognized as thoughts, most of the time they are identified with.

There is no control over thoughts arising and passing away. I don't know what my next thought is going to be. If I think I know what the next thought will be, that IS the thought and 'I' didn't know that thought was coming.

So at the moment there is an 'I' that has no control over 'my' thoughts.

Benny