The Gate

Hi Joseph,

This pattern feels like a stabilization of some kind. There's no floor nor roof in this process. No absolute references, but there appears to be a body and a mind, an environment, an interaction, a release of springs is causing havoc. Who feels threatened? A provoking energy is moving as a pendulum, a wrecking ball for identities still standing.

Continue to notice any sense of a personal aspect to awareness. Even when it's felt there isn't, look again. Explore it, see it for what it is.

For example: thoughts showing up to no-one; feelings showing up to no-one. Just looking, noticing, seeing clearly.

Best wishes,
John

There are resistances to strong feelings of wellness. Because of attachment to a sad story, and coherence with a sad environment. And what is normal and what is not and all of that. Signs of identity. Also there's a resistance to let be whatever it already is without first understanding the possible consequences. More control there.

I see particular fears that are linked to particular emotions that I'm not used to look right in the eye, that awakens anxiety and paralysis. More defensiveness and dissimulation. Fear of ridicule, fear of being egoistic, narcissistic, cruel, stupid, pedantic, inappropriate, of being wrong, or a scam, or being in danger, etc. It's not a shallow intellectual mechanism. It's behavioural and reactive. Those are clearly threatened identity roots. And stories arises in order to justify those base fears and make them plausible and the resistance advisable. This is seen.

I discovered that the unless I can experience what it is to feel the reality of those fears without resisting them I'm going to remain always a slave of those fears and the unquestioned identity will remain unquestioned. Also I realized Joseph couldn't stop from judging other beings that appear to show the behaviors he doesn't accept in himself as an image. I is the key there. I only exist in the presence and resistance of those feared fears. Being at ease with whatever label or projection provokes a reaction of fear is what my heart has found breaks the seemingly solid person. To not fight the fear of the possibility of being that. To feel like there's no worry of being that. That being anything that the fear uses to be taken into account. Just relaxing brings the feel that something is taking its eyes out of the dream.

When it is seen that the fear of being this or that is not true, then I no longer fear being this or that and the reaction of defense doesn't happen. And there is freedom from the I, that is freedom from fear. When my sense of self depends on "this" not being true, I won't risk checking if "this" its true or not, because that may be the end of me. It feels like honesty is the key to this "door", because honesty must always point further that what can be controlled.

I'm happy for being able to express this in your presence. But I find there is resistance yet to experience fully. This process is beautiful. I don't know if this could also happen completely in a split second. Maybe there's the fear of exploding. Maybe there's just enjoyment in paying attention to details. Maybe it's just what it is.

Hi Joseph,

There are resistances to strong feelings of wellness. Because of attachment to a sad story, and coherence with a sad environment. And what is normal and what is not and all of that. Signs of identity. Also there's a resistance to let be whatever it already is without first understanding the possible consequences. More control there.

Good that it is seen. Nothing is excluded from life. Beyond the understanding there can be sitting with the feelings, including them, washing through.

I see particular fears that are linked to particular emotions that I'm not used to look right in the eye, that awakens anxiety and paralysis. More defensiveness and dissimulation. Fear of ridicule, fear of being egoistic, narcissistic, cruel, stupid, pedantic, inappropriate, of being wrong, or a scam, or being in danger, etc. It's not a shallow intellectual mechanism. It's behavioural and reactive. Those are clearly threatened identity roots. And stories arises in order to justify those base fears and make them plausible and the resistance advisable. This is seen.

Look the fear in the eye and realise it's not what it appears - work at the feeling level.

I discovered that the unless I can experience what it is to feel the reality of those fears without resisting them I'm going to remain always a slave of those fears and the unquestioned identity will remain unquestioned. Also I realized Joseph couldn't stop from judging other beings that appear to show the behaviors he doesn't accept in himself as an image. I is the key there. I only exist in the presence and resistance of those feared fears. Being at ease with whatever label or projection provokes a reaction of fear is what my heart has found breaks the seemingly solid person. To not fight the fear of the possibility of being that. To feel like there's no worry of being that. That being anything that the fear uses to be taken into account. Just relaxing brings the feel that something is taking its eyes out of the dream.

There is a lot of respect for fear here. It points directly to pockets of "I".

When it is seen that the fear of being this or that is not true, then I no longer fear being this or that and the reaction of defense doesn't happen. And there is freedom from the I, that is freedom from fear. When my sense of self depends on "this" not being true, I won't risk checking if "this" its true or not, because that may be the end of me. It feels like honesty is the key to this "door", because honesty must always point further that what can be controlled.

Honesty is the key.

I'm happy for being able to express this in your presence. But I find there is resistance yet to experience fully. This process is beautiful. I don't know if this could also happen completely in a split second. Maybe there's the fear of exploding. Maybe there's just enjoyment in paying attention to details. Maybe it's just what it is.

Look at what you're calling "resistance". It may be the denying, the avoiding of aspects of "self" that are showing up. Seeing thru the separate self is not a bundle of roses :) and often old patterns show up again to be seen - also for the fiction to be seen.

Everything that shows up can be welcomed and seen.

Warm wishes,
John

Look the fear in the eye and realise it's not what it appears - work at the feeling level.

Yes! Working at the feeling level is fundamental. The thing is Joseph was a very emotionally limited character. Now Joseph has been seen through as not existent, but there's still strong emotional identification here and there. That's what's being seen and encountered. And there is a slowly getting used to feel stronger emotions run through the body without going into flee-or-fight mode.

There is a lot of respect for fear here. It points directly to pockets of "I".

Yes yes yes, it's mostly physical first and then influences the psyche. For example when in front of my father I feel bathed in the inside by a rush of energy, and I recognize an energy of resistance to avoid being comfortable without going to the memory. It's like a generalized short-circuit. But I'm starting to see clearly that "my" way of looking at things with investment is what creates the worldview and the problems.

Everything that shows up can be welcomed and seen.

I'm starting to realize how deeper than I thought that holds true. :)

Honesty is the key.

I've seen how I'm perfectly fine. And in a split second I feel fear and I believe that fear and start performing a role and justifying myself. And I realize: what the hell is happening? I is arising in the identification with the past again! This is LOL. Being honest means forgetting about what I think and be only here.

Hi Joseph,

Honesty is the key.

I've seen how I'm perfectly fine. And in a split second I feel fear and I believe that fear and start performing a role and justifying myself. And I realize: what the hell is happening? I is arising in the identification with the past again! This is LOL. Being honest means forgetting about what I think and be only here.

What you're describing is working through the conditioning which is the work of a lifetime, maybe more. ;)

I think it's time to nudge you towards our FB groups to work through this stuff. :) Of course, that is up to you. LOL

Be an interesting exercise to run through the five clarifying questions again. You up for that?

With warmest wishes,
John

What you're describing is working through the conditioning which is the work of a lifetime, maybe more. ;)

What?? :D

Wasn't working through the conditioning the whole point of this meeting of souls? :D

Or maybe only seeing through. I see.

I think it's time to nudge you towards our FB groups to work through this stuff. :) Of course, that is up to you. LOL

FB meaning facebook? So has already come the time to turn the page? I'm reading now about the facebook groups in the webpage. It could very well be.

Be an interesting exercise to run through the five clarifying questions again. You up for that?

may be :)

Let me take a look at them and see what comes.

Hi Joseph,

What you're describing is working through the conditioning which is the work of a lifetime, maybe more. ;)

What?? :D

Wasn't working through the conditioning the whole point of this meeting of souls? :D

Or maybe only seeing through. I see.

I think it's time to nudge you towards our FB groups to work through this stuff. :) Of course, that is up to you. LOL

FB meaning facebook? So has already come the time to turn the page? I'm reading now about the facebook groups in the webpage. It could very well be.

Be an interesting exercise to run through the five clarifying questions again. You up for that?

may be :)

Let me take a look at them and see what comes.

Okey dokey...here goes... :D

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? how about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.


3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.


4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.


5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?


Warmest wishes,
John

1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever? how about self, is there anything that is separate from everything else?

Short answer: no. no. No.
Long answer: Not really. The self appears to be only a mental blind spot grounded on assumptions.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

It means to believe that there is a real me, that the thought identity is a real thing, and that I am that, instead of just being the presence in which phenomena can be watched.
The illusion takes form in the mind of a human being when it's young enough to absorb culture like a sponge absorbs water.

3) How does it feel to see this? describe in detail.

It feels spacious. Like there's space to breath, to watch and to simply be.

4) How would you describe it to somebody who has never heard about this illusion but is curious about it.

It's realizing that the I doesn't exist. As a receptacle of identity the I is completely illusory and the root of all personal problems. And discovering the freedom of being whatever you really -and already- are without needing to resort to any identity.

5) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look? was there a specific moment when seeing happened or was it gradual? what exactly happened?

There are so many moments... It's been very gradual, with flashbacks. One of the biggest pushes was recognizing and accepting emotions, as my identity was very shutdown to feel emotion, it was a very shaking experience and a very big eye-opener. Integrating the new way of perceiving with a closer look to the assumptions about me.

Hi Joseph,

Thank you for the responses. Check your Private Messages - there'll be one on it's way soon. :)

With warmest wishes,
John

Hi John, it's been a pleasure laughing and talking here with you. :)

I'll respond to the messages soon enough.

Hi John, it's been a pleasure laughing and talking here with you. :)

I'll respond to the messages soon enough.

It has been fun! :D

/John