The Gate

When my eyes are open, the desperate self seems a silly fool... When back asleep the desperation is all important

how would you describe this to someone else who has never heard of this illusion?

This one is going to take more time... I'm sure the right analogy will come though.

I've gone round and round with this in my mind... I dont think someone who has never heard of this would understand the least bit of what I was trying to get across. But if I had to try, I would probably start at the beginning by asking questions.

Did you choose the color of your eyes?
How bout those freckles on your cheek, did you choose them?
How bout the color of your hair?
How did you come about owning all these things? You say you have green eyes, you have freckles, and you have brown hair...
Who owns all these things?
Who are you???
Hopefully after that quick hit and run they'll be just open enough to the new idea.
Let me ask you, who is it that feels like it is hearing these questions?
Look real close.
You may say me, but who is this me anyway?
It's obviously not your eyes, freckles, or hair, because you think you own all these things.
Oh I see you're just Jane Smith...
Well Jane Smith, nice to meet you.
Incidentally, did you choose that name?
Oh your parents gave it to you...
So you are your name then?
You have a name?
So you're someone or something that has a name?
Interesting... Can you point to this self that has a name then?
Ok so you are your head then...
Oh, you have a head.
Well damn is there some way that you can show me, and more importantly you the definitive self so we can put an end to this thing?
No? Well it's ok, I haven't found me either. Now hand me my gun.

The only way to get at this thing as I see it is to strip beliefs away. Exposing the underlying reality below.

What was the point in which it clicked?

It hit me once and for all that I am truly alone. I can't get positive answers (beliefs) from anyone. I can only strip away as many of my beliefs as I am able to identify. There is existence so something some way some how IS... It just became glaringly obvious to me that no beliefs about life CAN be ultimately true. It's knowing through not knowing.
Imagine yourself thrust into a situation where you knew nothing about who or where you are. How would you know if anyone or anything is illusion or not. Is it a dream? As far as I know I'm the only one walking around with no head. The only first person experience of the world as far as I'm aware of. That just blew me away... Literally!

Hey Brian,

I'm sending you an private message to invite you into aftercare.

Thanks for letting me walk with you.

Love,
Jeff