And again for Ilona

[Ilona]

Sweet. Can you answer the question- do you exist?

[Alexey Manukhov]

I see now that there is only a process. There is nothing real, no individuality, just thoughts and projections, which come from nowhere.

[Ilona]

how is it different from what you saw before? how does it feel to see this?

[Alexey Manukhov]

There are no thoughts, concepts and efforts in this seeing. I don't know how to live with it. It's like a falling from nowhere to nowhere.

[Ilona]

yes, it is like falling and no place to land.

tell me, how did you live up till now? what is different? were you doing the living or life was happening by itself? what was it that you were in control of? were you really in control?

what is it that is scary at this moment? is there fear to loose something?

[Alexey Manukhov]

There was a belief that some doer exists, who is located in this body, who controls it, who thinks thoughts, who feels emotions and who can upgrade. But now I see that everything is going on by itself - thoughts, emotions, movings of the body. Body don't differ from others - it's not mine. It moves according to its nature. So, only belief was a controller - belief in "I" and in complexity of enlightenment, which, I thought, isn't here and should be taken after a big period of time and with a greatest effort. It was a very convincing illusion, but now it lost all power. There is nothing complicated in all this stuff.
As for scary... It's only an obscurity. Mind can't control or predict anything and it's setting alarming signals. But it's not important. They come and then go.

[Ilona]

oh yeah, from your words now i see that what i am pointing to has been seen clearly.

how does it feel for you? can you confirm that the gate was crossed? was there ever a gate?
how does your everyday life now? any changes?

sending love.

[Alexey Manukhov]

Very strange... Emotions became weaker, they don't seize me. The same is about thoughts - they are being recognised very fast and can't catch the attention. There is no more plan about future. Life is just germinating by itself. I see that the shift has happened. It's not like a gate. Just shift of seeing.
There was some fear to loose this new vision. But now it's gone - some states can come and go, but they can't cover the truth that is seen. There are no special effects and some classical feelings, like divine love, but it's ok. There is no need in them.

[Ilona]

Nice.
Divine love is not necessarily part of the package, it may hit you later. It's not the last shift, there will be plenty more. What we are focusing here is seeing that there is no self at all, and from what you describe, looks that it happened.

The ride is just starting. This stage will pass when it's due time. Nothing is permanent. As you say so nicely- life is germinating. Good stuff.

[Alexey Manukhov]

Yes, I see. I've got the same feeling about shifts. I don't look for them, but I'm ready. As for the absence of I... Yes, it is seen now.

[Ilona]

Cool. Thank you. That was fun. :) I'll see if other guides have any questions for you.

[Alexey Manukhov]

Ok! Thank you for your guidance.

[Ilona]

oh you are very welcome. it's my pleasure.

are you on facebook? if we are not friends there yet, please send a request, so i can add you to aftercare groups where adventure continues. :)

[Alexey Manukhov]

Yes, here is my account: http://www.facebook.com/alexey.manukhov . I like adventures!