Am I in a universe level Truman show?

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

I feel like I still am missing something. Not getting something. Despite understanding it's imagination.

I feel the disappointment of still being on a search.
The ache of trying to understand why I still feel like I don't belong.

The feeling of life being still on hold until something happens. Waiting for it to happen.

The pull to keep searching. "So now what?"

So weird.


This story is simultaneously what is happening and not real.

[superchook]

This story is simultaneously what is happening and not real.

Can it be both?

[superchook]

To be clearer, there is a lot of confusion and some worry about trying to make sense of:

Not being this identity I thought I was, while the habits whatever it is that remains continues to play out the identity.

There is a movie playing.

The movie theatre is not the movie.

The movie theatre is also the movie.

Certainly realising the movie is not reality helps to see the illusion.

And yet the movie is playing.

I don't know what to do with it. And I feel uncomfortable that I might have got to the end of guidance without actually understanding anything.

[graceabounds]

Hello dear,


First of all, I am not planning on going anywhere. I am available for whatever comes up whenever it comes up.

This story is simultaneously what is happening and not real

Exactly. Thoughts are happening. The content of thoughts is just more nonsense. Fantasy.

It is clear you are seeing through thoughts. And now there are a bunch of shiny thoughts of doubt, which we can work through in the same way as all the other thoughts.

What I was pointing to with my last question was what is happening in direct experience, in sensation. In the past when I have asked this it has been locatable:

What does it feel like in the body?

A dull numb feeling in the face and upper chest.

And a little bit back you shared this:

Feelings that got labelled as guilt and shame.

More thoughts: "You can't hurt people like that again."

Followed by sensations of a low burning around the heart area, shuddering, tears.

Honestly, it felt OK to let it all out. I am not used to letting feelings run their course. Normally this gets bottled up until I can't handle it anymore

.

So now, today, is there the impression that things are bottled? What do you see when you LOOK at what sensations are present now?

And yet the movie is playing.

I don't know what to do with it.

Why would the movie stop? Did anyone ever promise that thoughts, habits, emotions, preferences, conditioning, seeking impulses, self-referencing stories, uncertainty, or discomfort would disappear?

Now go one step further. Is there actually a theatre?

Can you find anything outside experience that is watching experience? Or is there simply experiencing happening?


We come back to expectations again, just as at the beginning. Did the seeker expect a certificate of completion? :) All this that we point to at LU is only the beginning of exploring.


Big hugs,
Becca

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

Just took a bit to let things settle in.

I don't notice any sense of a me anymore. A concept that is not relevant anymore, noticeable only in that I don't notice it anymore.

For 3-4 days there was a sensation in my chest I would normally associate with anxiety. But it stayed for a bit and then left.

Have found emotions are coming up a lot, a lot more than normal. They bubble up, and are gone. Feels a lot more open.

I have worked on letting them know they are welcome to stay. As they are.

Having space has allowed for some interesting inquiry. It came up that I have been very angry at home and work, and I came across Byron Katies inquiries and did a couple.

Turns out I was really making myself upset at some stories, some fantasies I had made up. I was at war against those fantasies. Doh! 😁

Let's just say, I got a really close up look at how suffering works. Which is awesome.

To answer the main questions left from your last message...

I see this as the beginning now. And I see this is all about life as it is, not as a fantasy concept. I notice life happening and then the mind kicking in later, I see it happening. I got out of bed and the thoughts "time to get up" right after. Cheeky little thought.

Things are not bottled up. If anything, I am beginning to notice when they are, and learning the signals that something is being believed that is not open.

Life is a pretty good way to highlight these old concepts.

Thank you for your help in seeing this freedom

😁

[graceabounds]

Hello Grant,

Wonderful! :)

Byron Katie is a very good resource for unraveling beliefs.

So when the sensation in the chest up and left, what remains? How does it FEEL now? When you say “feels a lot more open” and “not bottled up” what does that point to specifically and experientially?

Big love,
Becca

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

When I look sensations come and go.

Something I have noticed, thoughts that are not the truth, not reality, are often accompanied by feelings of tightness.

Had a nice realisation today, thinking of people as other, and treating them like that feels closed up. When I am open and with them as they are with no expectations I open up and feel open.

Closing off from them closes off from me and I can feel it. (When I say me here I mean my true nature).

And... I said I have been at war with an imagined view of a person and it has been many months of this. Well, looking back on it, it felt wrong the whole time and I knew it.

I realise it was a flag that it was not in line with my true nature.

Is suspect I have missed the point of your prompting, but all this is what I have been seeing around feeling.

Feelings are being streamed in, and some of them have indicators that show you when you are far from home.

[graceabounds]

Great!

Closing off from them closes off from me and I can feel it.
(When I say me here I mean my true nature).

Can you find a line where “them” ends and “me” begins?
:)

And can you point me to ‘true nature’ without using a concept? Just want to be sure you aren’t swapping one mirage for another here…

Is suspect I have missed the point of your prompting, but all this is what I have been seeing around feeling.

Haha closer, I can sense what is underneath, but this still reads as interpretation. So how is “feel open” known directly?

Much love,
Becca

[superchook]

Hi Becca

Can you find a line where “them” ends and “me” begins?

No. Not in vision, sound, touch.

But, still quite good at imagining via thought some concepts about stuff seen, and then having thoughts and feelings about those concepts. But those are being noticed more and more, and when they are they lose relevance.

Which leads to this.

And can you point me to ‘true nature’ without using a concept? Just want to be sure you aren’t swapping one mirage for another here…

That will teach me for using a short cut, rather than experiential observations. 😂

Ok.

Contrasting experience between what it is like being in fantasy thought land and not...

Just here, not in thoughts, not in the future imagination, not recalling the past. All the senses all happening with no cause other than themselves. The me that is here when no thoughts are here to tell me what a me is.

I dunno. How do you say that. Life unlabelled?

---

VS. A bunch of thoughts all judging and inventing wild theories and stories and feelings about other thoughts which appear to take on a life of their own, but aren't reality.

I can tell the difference. Feel open, is the absence of the churning thought stories. Relaxing, in that the work required to maintain the thought stories is not required.

Thats what I see.

It's what is there when the the dramas stop.

[graceabounds]

The me that is here when no thoughts are here to tell me what a me is.

Lol. Is this a reliable definition? Is there a need to call this open, boundaryless state any kind of a 'me'?

Can 'me' now be unlabelled?

Well, Grant, I and a few other guides have read through what has been written here in recent days and we are collectively satisfied. It appears the Gateless Gate has been crossed… but as you know there is no Gate, no one to cross it, and no end to the journey. ;)

Soon you’ll receive an email notifying you of a PM from the forum, inviting you to join LU's Facebook groups. It also has other information that might be of interest. Your username will change from green to blue and this thread will be moved to the ‘Archive’ section of the forum, but you will be able to access it.

The experience these past couple of weeks is just the beginning of exploring. It will also be the beginning of cleaning up of all sorts of old beliefs and habitual patterns of thought as has already been happening. This can continue to be an emotional process and a nonlinear one. If you have any questions or hiccups at all, you are welcome to drop a line here or email me directly any time. Will send you a DM with that.

It has been a pleasure to walk beside you here. Of course it is not the end of our conversation. As I mentioned earlier I am not planning to go anywhere and am here to support as things continue to evolve.

With gratitude and abundant love,
Becca

[superchook]

Hi Becca,

I want to thank you for your guidance. All through this experience, and by your approach, I felt safe, supported, challenged, encouraged, and loved.

I am so grateful. Thank you, thank you thank you.

Fun little things are happening. Major shifts at work, intractable interpersonal problems mysteriously resolving, happier times with the people I care about.

I know that life will continue ups and downs, but it is lighter.

Thank you for holding my hand through this.

Love Grant.