thank you for the reply!
Can you be more specific about what “done through time” means?
the idea is that the more practice happens, the more abiding the little 'gap' that happens will become, until a certain point in time then that thoughts are no longer mistaken for reality. So sort of, the 'practice' only ever happens now, but it takes time (when looked practically) for thoughts to lose their pull.
what happens that indicates that is a belief? Please be specific.
i think the best way to put it is that it is the default feeling. throughout the day, sort of on autopilot, there is still thoughts about choosing, planning to do this vs that, going back in time debating why this vs that was that, acting as if things could be different. for example, aversion/thoughts still happen a lot for some reason of procrastinating replying here.
truly, for some reason thoughts pop up as if replying was something that is undesirable to do/a chore or deadline to meet. which I really dont get, because every time I do reply, it is both helpful and insightful. there seems to be contradicting thoughts too, of wanting accountability but also running away from replying? which then also reinforces the idea that there is choosing happening, as if I could have acted better, so judging happens as well.
specifically, how is that a problem now?
well, this ties in to i think more practical day-to-day beliefs but currently there is still judging going on about how life is happening. although a bit less prevalent than in the best when thoughts were crazy all the time about it, there is still a great deal of thoughts happening 'about' choosing. it is made into a problem because there are ideas about it not being efficient. Like, there is understanding that choosing does not happen on a logical level (sometimes, perhaps not fully as well) so then when so many thoughts that only make sense in that context keep popping up it is seen like a waste of energy and almost an affront to the fact that there understanding. Like if this was truly seen through there wouldn't be so much attention on these thoughts.
there is also a sort of repeating 'limbo' idea in the thoughts that are popping up. which when writing or deliberating, it is obvious that even that is just more noise, just thoughts, just experiencing, but for most of the day when on autopilot, the story is kept up and the thoughts seem to matter.
the idea is that right now there is mostly just living doing what i want (in the same of not putting much thought about the future or the practical things that need doing). HAHAHA, gosh there's something funny in writing that down. I dont think i go the point quite across but that just made me chuckle, because the living doing what i want is exactly all that i think is missing/why not awake here. if i was then there would be less worry and just be able to enjoy the moment and appreciate whatever it is that is arising.
right now however, there is a lot of immediate gratification, which from what I have consumed so in turn beliefs, is viewed as bad. At this point there is two clashing views. first, this seems to be the only thing in the way, the 'problem', that actually it is not bad, it is just what is happening. And the other, is that actually it is bad because it seems that throwing myself into distraction has caused a regression which causes less practice to happen and less times the gap to occur, like the motivation drops tremendously, which connects to the previous ideas that things happen 'in time' and work (relaxed practice/looking) still needs to be done.