The Gate

Hello Elad

Thank you for your time and guidance it is very much appreciated.

What did you recognize that is in fact true no matter how experience feels/seems?

Initially I felt that the oneness is there I just need to tap into it etc etc. Now I realise that is a thought. Due to your guidance / response- I see that everything comes and goes.

Can you see this

Oh my - head bent again !! Okay, so I sort of understand- here and now are words like I and me - not reality. But can’t quite ‘get it’ ugh. I can for a second then confused again…

I do get you saying that no self realisation is more plain - no juggling / flying !

For the next day be really curious about what is this normal sense of self?
Does it point to any real self at all?

When I feel a bit more ‘heightened’ so less in relaxed states. Like when talking to others (heart pounds = sensation). When looking in the mirror (thoughts/ image ‘this is me’). When feeling full after eating - very aware of the full feeling in my tummy - feels like me. Have to remember to realise this is a sensation. I woke up this morning thoughts straight away - ‘of course there is a me’ - feel the aches = later realises this is thought / sensation.

So this means there are thoughts, sensations, there is a body. These all come and go. My real self does not.

Is there any more control over this "selfing" than on anything else?
Or is it just another way experience spontaneously constaletes outside all control?

No, these things happen spontaneously outside of control.

Not sure if I was meant to keep practising the ‘I’ ‘here and now’. I can verbalise some understanding but don’t seem to be ‘getting it’.

Have a wonderful Friday xx

Thank you, thank you xx

Hey Nic! It's my pleasure to walk with you :)

Hello Elad

Thank you for your time and guidance it is very much appreciated.

What did you recognize that is in fact true no matter how experience feels/seems?

Initially I felt that the oneness is there I just need to tap into it etc etc. Now I realise that is a thought. Due to your guidance / response- I see that everything comes and goes.

Can you see this

Oh my - head bent again !! Okay, so I sort of understand- here and now are words like I and me - not reality. But can’t quite ‘get it’ ugh. I can for a second then confused again…

I do get you saying that no self realisation is more plain - no juggling / flying !

Good!

For the next day be really curious about what is this normal sense of self?
Does it point to any real self at all?

When I feel a bit more ‘heightened’ so less in relaxed states. Like when talking to others (heart pounds = sensation). When looking in the mirror (thoughts/ image ‘this is me’). When feeling full after eating - very aware of the full feeling in my tummy - feels like me. Have to remember to realise this is a sensation. I woke up this morning thoughts straight away - ‘of course there is a me’ - feel the aches = later realises this is thought / sensation.

So this means there are thoughts, sensations, there is a body. These all come and go. My real self does not.

Yes the assumed real self would not. The question is if it exists at all. So far we agree you are not finding it at all, if I am not wrong.

When feeling full after eating - very aware of the full feeling in my tummy - feels like me. Have to remember to realise this is a sensation.

Notice that you are making this into a "practice" or "project" where "you" have to remember something. All this maintains the sense of self.

Do not approach this exploration as a practice where you gradually get better at something. Instead, put all your heart and attention into the NOW and into: Is it REALLY true that there is absolutely no self, that what I take to be self is always only a thought, a belief, never something reall!

You get the difference?

Don't make this into a "practice" or a "process". Just give everything to the question. And see that whatever reactions come, thoughts, feelings and so forth, or silence, all are more clear examples of spontaneous experience unfolding without self, all are showing no self, nothing is showing self.

Is that absolutely clear?

Is there any more control over this "selfing" than on anything else?
Or is it just another way experience spontaneously constaletes outside all control?

No, these things happen spontaneously outside of control.

SO if everything that is seemingly self, in fact as you see and say, is spontaneous without choice, without you, without control, then what is there to maintain the belief of self upon?

Not sure if I was meant to keep practising the ‘I’ ‘here and now’. I can verbalise some understanding but don’t seem to be ‘getting it’.

How do "you" know if you get it or not? I mean without just rerferencing more stories and beliefs! Not one gets this cause there is no one to get this. The simple seeing is just aknowledged.


Keep look at whatever is believed to be you. Isn't it clear it in fact is only natural processes, thoughts, sensations, movements, etc.


Is it completely clear to you that you have absolutely no control over thought, that thought in no way is you, but a process happening like the weather?

If yes, let it sink in all the way, let it be felt this includes your most precious thoughts and memories... How does it feel?

Hello Elad (and Liam)

Yes the assumed real self would not. The question is if it exists at all. So far we agree you are not finding it at all, if I am not wrong.

So …. My usual state is overthinky, possibly a bit wired (better now though than have ever been due to this work). But.. since doing direct experience I recognise a place I go to where everything is crisp, bright, trees are bright. Calm, open etc is this it? I can go there when I focus on it. Not sure if this is the real self.

Is it REALLY true that there is absolutely no self, that what I take to be self is always only a thought, a belief, never something reall!

You get the difference?

Absolutely! I have been treating it like a project to do. I take notes, listen to videos etc. what is funny is that the night before last in bed I had it (if that is it?!) again! I could absolutely NOT find a separate self and laughted at how easy it was to see this. I pictured a mini me doing the dishes and chores and thought how ridiculous it was that I couldn’t see it before. I thought it funny that I had wiggled toes saying ‘they don’t seem like me’. And the ‘looking for a unicorn’ (why would you?!) now made sense! However, in the morning it was gone again.

I believe there is no self and am more relaxed, confident in having less control, letting life flow - however not fully sinking in :(

And see that whatever reactions come, thoughts, feelings and so forth, or silence, all are more clear examples of spontaneous experience unfolding without self, all are showing no self, nothing is showing self.

Is that absolutely clear?

I have focused on the ‘is it really true, no me’ statement and honestly believe it … but am not ‘living it’. This is frustrating .

SO if everything that is seemingly self, in fact as you see and say, is spontaneous without choice, without you, without control, then what is there to maintain the belief of self upon?

Nothing! Can see this. Like doing chores etc, all flowing. Body functions, flowing.

Is it completely clear to you that you have absolutely no control over thought, that thought in no way is you, but a process happening like the weather?

Yes. However, still get taken along with it as I don’t remember to observe it always. (Overall feel more relaxed - definitely).

If yes, let it sink in all the way, let it be felt this includes your most precious thoughts and memories... How does it feel?

Felt a bit ‘twitchy’ as wasn’t sure if the memories would go etc then realise I would prefer to know and live the truth.

Thank you once again so so much for walking with me 🥺🙏🏼

Lots of love,

Nic xx

Yes the assumed real self would not. The question is if it exists at all. So far we agree you are not finding it at all, if I am not wrong.

So …. My usual state is overthinky, possibly a bit wired (better now though than have ever been due to this work). But.. since doing direct experience I recognise a place I go to where everything is crisp, bright, trees are bright. Calm, open etc is this it? I can go there when I focus on it. Not sure if this is the real self.

This is a sign "you" (attention, really) is concentrated on sensations. That is a good "skill", a "wholesome state". Mind you not "your skill" and not "your state", just the way things unfold in that moment.

Is it clear that it is not your skill and not your attention, but just skill and attention?
I.e. is concentration "you" or "yours" to whatever degree it is there?
Is attention "you" or "yours" whereever it is?

And no, this is not "your real self", do you notice this idea implies a belief that there is a "your real self". Can you see that is just an unfounded belief? Just thought habit trying latch on to something that feels precious and pleasant and define it as "you" in the fantasy of making it permanent. Which it is NOT, like all states it comes and goes.

This inquiry does not lead to permanently concentrated, pleasant, attentive, balanced states! The reality of no controller no self is equally present in destracted, negative and confused states. In one sense maybe even more obviously so. Who would chose them???

Is it REALLY true that there is absolutely no self, that what I take to be self is always only a thought, a belief, never something reall!

You get the difference?

Absolutely! I have been treating it like a project to do. I take notes, listen to videos etc. what is funny is that the night before last in bed I had it (if that is it?!) again! I could absolutely NOT find a separate self and laughted at how easy it was to see this. I pictured a mini me doing the dishes and chores and thought how ridiculous it was that I couldn’t see it before. I thought it funny that I had wiggled toes saying ‘they don’t seem like me’. And the ‘looking for a unicorn’ (why would you?!) now made sense! However, in the morning it was gone again.

Yes this is seeing. What happens in the morning is that whatever thoughts and sensations come, are believed to mean "losing it". No. Again: This is not about not having a sense of self, or not experiencing running thoughts out of control and unpleasant sensations. Just aknowledge that the truth of no controller no self is equally in the state you call "I lose it" (no "you" don't lose it, just a different weather pattern is moving through).

I believe there is no self and am more relaxed, confident in having less control, letting life flow - however not fully sinking in :(

Again, lovely the nice states. And the same misunderstanding about this meaning some kind of permanent pleasant and balanced state.

And see that whatever reactions come, thoughts, feelings and so forth, or silence, all are more clear examples of spontaneous experience unfolding without self, all are showing no self, nothing is showing self.

Is that absolutely clear?

I have focused on the ‘is it really true, no me’ statement and honestly believe it … but am not ‘living it’. This is frustrating .

You can not live it. You is just a thought. At the same time, none of these experiences you describe mean it is not happening, by itself, which it is, which you will see EVERY TIME you attend to what actually is happening, instead of to your attachment fantasy of how this is supposed to feel (yes, can be bitter to let go of). "Your" sticking point is the belief in and clinging to fantasies of a more elevated life. It's not that things cannot improve on the conventional level. For example Liam right now is at a retreat, probably naturally more concentration is being developed. This however is a separate matter, it belongs in the category of relative improvements in normal life. All of which also happen without a self (clear?).

SO if everything that is seemingly self, in fact as you see and say, is spontaneous without choice, without you, without control, then what is there to maintain the belief of self upon?

Nothing! Can see this. Like doing chores etc, all flowing. Body functions, flowing.

Clear.

Is it completely clear to you that you have absolutely no control over thought, that thought in no way is you, but a process happening like the weather?

Yes. However, still get taken along with it as I don’t remember to observe it always. (Overall feel more relaxed - definitely).

Again again, stuck in fantasies of permanent special states, permanent special "Self".

"I" dont observe it most of the time either. Life just happens. And I can feel the difference between conventionally speaking intentional action (like writing you) or tripping over a door. And "I" feel intentional when I am. And "I" feel lost in thoughts when lost in thoughts. It's just that it doesn't change the clarity WHEN ATTENDING, that none of it truely comes from a separate self. I don't need to think about and be aware of that 2+2=4 all the time, to have clear "realization" that 2+2=4. The vast majority of the time it is not something I am aware of.

Right now "I" am focused on answering you. It just feels like thinking and writing. And "I" have a clear sense of self, who "Elad" is conventionally speaking. If that was gone I would not function in normal life. And it is clear this sense of self is not refering to some real self, but rather refers to mysterious emergent experience.

It is easy to see that there is no separation, inside/outside, subjective/objective in direct experience. And for lots of life that is not being attended to. Just normal life, including bothersome thought patterns some of the time, are being attended to. This process does not suddenly change all of our psychology, all the things that need to be matured or seen through or loved wisely, on the conventional level.

If yes, let it sink in all the way, let it be felt this includes your most precious thoughts and memories... How does it feel?

Felt a bit ‘twitchy’ as wasn’t sure if the memories would go etc then realise I would prefer to know and live the truth.

That's great. Do this one more, stay with the twitchiness without trying to change it, let what is felt be felt. And also see it refers to no-one separate.

Thank you once again so so much for walking with me 🥺🙏🏼

Lots of love,

Nic xx

A pleasure. "You" are really close now. Actually "you" just need to aknowledge what is already seen, and let go of attachment to some fantasies of wonderful ever after, which might include feeling some grief. Look deeply at everything in this message. Then write.

Hello Elad

Is

it clear that it is not your skill and not your attention, but just skill and attention?
I.e. is concentration "you" or "yours" to whatever degree it is there?
Is attention "you" or "yours" whereever it is?

Yes! Although have to remind myself of that as in saying or thinking ‘skill, attention’ as opposed to ‘mine’.

Concentration is and attention is.
]

This inquiry does not lead to permanently concentrated, pleasant, attentive, balanced states! The reality of no controller no self is equally present in destracted, negative and confused states. In one sense maybe even more obviously so. Who would chose them???[/quote

No one would choose the bad states! It is sinking in that there isn’t a blissful happy, permanent state to be found out.

This however is a separate matter, it belongs in the category of relative improvements in normal life. All of which also happen without a self (clear?).

Yes! I get it ! Thank you for your super clear explanation. You are absolutely right … I kept waiting for the blissful moments as these have been experienced previously - while we can make improvements to our situation (like Liam now) there are no angels and fairies! I am a bit confused that the other night the ABSOLUTE no self state was special and I felt wow and open, (probs because I was sleepy) so I hoped seeing was this. However I get what you are saying - it is more plain. I have felt relieved that we don’t have to be focused all the time as you say with all our attention as I obviously don’t either - and therefore haven’t felt bad about ‘living normal life’ (ie forgetting to ‘awareness’) over the past couple of days.

Have been doing direct experience and accepting that what I see may be ‘it’ instead of beautiful fantasy image(direct seeing is pretty beautiful though as it is more clear and crisp). Have been remembering when I can ‘just a thought’ etc.

Had a ‘back to work meeting’ the other day- the last time I built myself up into a tizz! Really anxious - this time was able to say ‘just a thought, just a sensation’ so felt so much more calm.

Still feel able to say no separate self and fictitious created character - but don’t ‘feel’ it to the depths of my soul (ohhh there is no soul and no me!). Ugh.

The last couple of days have been interesting though loosening the pressure on the special states being it and relaxing more into ‘this may be it’ instead…

I need to be able to categorically KNOW no separate self this will be seen as well as said ..?

Thank you so very much for your help, time, knowledge xxxx

Hi Nic,

There is still the fantasy of you who needs to do something and realize something, it seems.

Really just look at this label "I".

Does it actually refer to anything real?

Hello Elad

I hope you had a lovely weekend.

There is still the fantasy of you who needs to do something and realize something, it seems.

Really just look at this label "I".

Does it actually refer to anything real?

Apologies for the delay - I have been practising this lots though. So… the feeling behind my chest, eyes, my thoughts, the feeling of me-ness, the noticing of my body etc - on deeper exploration I understand that they are NOT me, not ‘I’. They shift and move and indeed I can see them which means surely cant be me. I can see the automatic response of the body, movement, fluid etc

However, I am still ‘waiting for something to happen’ and still cannot categorically say THERE IS NO ME - even though I believe it and can verbalise it, I get frustrated as I understand on the surface that this is the case. Then I understand the frustration feeling is part of the ‘me’ I am trying to not see….

The word I I used to think was ‘in my head’ now I see it in the air, in consciousness sort of fizzzles away so surely I feel less attached to it than before - but feel so far away from where I must be (thought ?).

I hope you can help ! Do other people be like this?

Thank you so much !

Nic xxxx

This story of not there, not enough ---

Is it controlled by "you"?

Is it "your" choice?

Can it be founnd inside of some "you" or merged with some kind of "you"?

If the answer to all these is no, does it say anything about who or what you are?

And if you answer to all these is "no", and yet you still say "but it feels different, it feels like me", what are gonna do about that, what are we gonna do about a lie that is taken as truth contrary to all evidence?

And what might keep such a lie alive, what is being held on to? And for what?

See this: Where is attention more invested, in the lie (not there, it feels like, etc) or in what is actually seen? And if attention and motivation is more invested in the stories and lies of unawake self and awake self and etc, what do we do about it? What do we do if the sticking point is not lack of seeing, but rather that motivation and desire itself is more oriented to the stories and the feelings they trigger than to what is actually seen in every moment of genuine looking?

And what to do about that the moments of genuine looking and their simple undramatic genuine truth are being destorted in the habitual stories as "only intellectual", whereas the old stories themselves, the lies, and all their associated feelings, are more invested in, i.e. desire and motivation is more oriented to them?

Shit shit shit !!!

Excuse my language but something different is happening … !!!

This story of not there, not enough ---

Is it controlled by "you"?

Is it "your" choice?

Can it be founnd inside of some "you" or merged with some kind of "

you"?

Nope - because there is no me. There are thoughts happening in awareness. Can be combined with bodily sensations - but they are just that.

If the answer to all these is no, does it say anything about who or what you are?

No - again - there is no me.

And if you answer to all these is "no", and yet you still say "but it feels different, it feels like me", what are gonna do about that, what are we gonna do about a lie that is taken as truth contrary to all evidence?

We will focus on what is actually happening as opposed to ‘trying to catch myself out’ by tapping my arm, or wiggling my toes or imagining something / someone behind my chest / heart area.

And what might keep such a lie alive, what is being held on to? And for what?

Habit and ease and comfort keeps the lie alive. Nothing to hold on to, there is no me.

See this: Where is attention more invested, in the lie (not there, it feels like, etc) or in what is actually seen? And if attention and motivation is more invested in the stories and lies of unawake self and awake self and etc, what do we do about it? What do we do if the sticking point is not lack of seeing, but rather that motivation and desire itself is more oriented to the stories and the feelings they trigger than to what is actually seen in every moment of genuine looking?

You told me straight here … I felt that ‘I’ am so determined / motivated to see the truth! then realised there is no I - that ‘I’ (as usual) was feeling defensive! I have managed to sort of ‘rise above’ the ‘arguments’ by myself, by the ‘I’. What I mean is … normally thoughts be like ‘you won’t get it’ etc etc then ‘I’ will argue back ‘of course I will’ etc etc this time I have been able to observe it all from a sort of different perspective.

And what to do about that the moments of genuine looking and their simple undramatic genuine truth are being destorted in the habitual stories as "only intellectual", whereas the old stories themselves, the lies, and all their associated feelings, are more invested in, i.e. desire and motivation is more oriented to them?

So seeing the stories as stories… not looking for validation of a ‘me’ instead recognising they are thoughts and stories. Focusing on direct experience. Wondering if ‘this is it’ as you’ve said it’s plain, thoughts carry on, people speak, normal things happen etc etc. Definitely feel a ‘something’. Hmm.

Thank you so much ☺️

Nic x

Yes! This is it...

Let's look if a belief in self is still hiding somewhere..

You told me straight here … I felt that ‘I’ am so determined / motivated to see the truth! then realised there is no I - that ‘I’ (as usual) was feeling defensive! I have managed to sort of ‘rise above’ the ‘arguments’ by myself, by the ‘I’. What I mean is … normally thoughts be like ‘you won’t get it’ etc etc then ‘I’ will argue back ‘of course I will’ etc etc this time I have been able to observe it all from a sort of different perspective.

This is beautiful. However the last part: Is there a "you" who sees this from a different perspective?
If not, how would "you" describe this without the story of a "you" that gets it?

And what to do about that the moments of genuine looking and their simple undramatic genuine truth are being destorted in the habitual stories as "only intellectual", whereas the old stories themselves, the lies, and all their associated feelings, are more invested in, i.e. desire and motivation is more oriented to them?

So seeing the stories as stories… not looking for validation of a ‘me’ instead recognising they are thoughts and stories. Focusing on direct experience. Wondering if ‘this is it’ as you’ve said it’s plain, thoughts carry on, people speak, normal things happen etc etc. Definitely feel a ‘something’. Hmm.

Yes, all normal, just no self in the middle of it all, standing apart, trying, failing, succeeding, etc.

Is it clear?

How does it feel?

Omg this is wild funny I am laughing at Michael’s story in Gateless Gatecrashers !! I resonated with him / his views now this …! 😂

Omg this is wild funny I am laughing at Michael’s story in Gateless Gatecrashers !! I resonated with him / his views now this …! 😂

:D


How about the last questions? Please answer each one directly.

Hello Elad

This is beautiful. However the last part: Is there a "you" who sees this from a different perspective?
If not, how would "you" describe this without the story of a "you" that gets it

I haven’t been able to message as I didn’t want to let you down and not sure what’s happened … I sort of went back to ‘my old self’ worry worry worry :( I know it’s thoughts but struggled to separate from them. As I look around now I can see ‘it’
So probably need to look more. Is it normal to ‘go back?’. The thoughts sort of gripped me like they used to.

Is it clear?

Something is clear when I look.

How does it feel?

Without the stories in the thoughts it is there…

Thank you so much, I appreciate this so much,

Nic xxx

Hi Nic, no need for shame and fear, no one is doing any of this or in control of this :)

I haven’t been able to message as I didn’t want to let you down and not sure what’s happened … I sort of went back to ‘my old self’ worry worry worry :( I know it’s thoughts but struggled to separate from them.

Who went back? Who struggles?

You identify as the one who "had it" and "lost it", but that "one" is a fiction. Look.

As I look around now I can see ‘it’

You cant see anything. You will never get this. You don't exist.

Seeing can happen.

So probably need to look more.

Dont make a concept of a path (I need to do this that more more more time time time me me me). Just another way story of self is maintained.

Is it normal to ‘go back?’.

Shifting between clarity and lostness in thoughts is normal. Neither is you or yours, you dont exist.

The thoughts sort of gripped me like they used to

What you? No you. Just one weather, then another weather.

Something is clear when I look.

Look at the clinging to the story of "you succeeding in doing what you are supposed to or not doing it, failing". It doesn't exist. Look!

And what is clear? That there is a self or that there isn't?

Be precise. Find out what is true and express it clearly.

Will look at this. I really appreciate this as have felt really bad :(
You responded at a perfect time thank you so so much.
Nic xx