The Gate

Hello Mariano

the "effortless" method?

Good. No identification with thought leads to effortlessness


To these two following questions you say "just a thought". (note there is a slight change to the wording from yesterday's questions in the questions below) And to make sure that I am absolutely clear.... tell me again with a "yes" or "no"

because "no one is in control!"

Is it still true that there is no one controlling anything?



And in that seeing, is there a separate entity called a "me" controlling anything?



Hugs


Alan

if you don't mind, will post a 2-day log tomorrow.
because I'm in the process of writing somethign about day 1 but I don't know how to explain it, and I want to practice it tomorrow too.

hug

Take your time Mariano

I'm here when you're ready

Hug

Alan

DAY 1

hello Alan, nothing new to report today. crappy sleep so only managed to meditate 1h.
did same method but today could not "enter".

now, that's somethign I noticed. sometimes you can "enter" and sometimes "you can't".
I'm trying to... see... what differentiates those. how each one feels.

because "no one is in control!"

Is it still true that there is no one controlling anything?

it was never true. it was only a thought. thought that generated some feelings... but that's it.

And in that seeing, is there a separate entity called a "me" controlling anything?

answering from the mind: yeah there is a me
answering from the body: my perception seems to come from a me

---

DAY 2

weeeeell, Alan...

I think it's time for a real break.

a REAL break as in: not doing ANY kind of meditation work or inquiry for the next 2 months.
I've been looking at this thread and also my personal journal, I realized I've never really stopped working on this "stream entry" thing since I came here.
so it's been... 20 months non stop! 20 months!!! that's a lot of time!

I need to stop! I don't want to focus on this or try to "wake up" anymore!

I don't even know what I'm trying to achieve anymore or why I'm doing this.

...

What will I be doing during the next 2 months? focusing on my emotional repression. I have severe emotional repression. so will work with that.
Not related to meditation, not related to waking up.

Thank for you everything.

We will talk in 2 months. ok?

big hug! sorry for this come and go. is this the longest thread on LU? am I the most... inconsistent person on this forum??? hahaha

take care.

Hello Mariano

Perfectly fine for you to work with this as you see best.

I was about to suggest some check point questions but these can wait until you're back if you wish.

Emotional repression work is so important. That is another aspect to freedom that cannot be ignored. There are a number of approaches out there. Some more effective than others. Follow your intuition.

I am here whenever you are ready Mariano

Hugs

Alan

Hello Alan, you still there?

I started IFS therapy. I'm aware I have severe emotional repression. I spend most of the time in my mind because being in the body is uncomfortable. or at least, that's what I learnt.

Emotions are there, but they seem to get all stuck in the mind (I actually feel a knot type sensation there all the time) and only 5% go to the body. This means, yeah, I do feel emotions, but only 5% of each one of them. most of the time there's nothing down there, just boredom.

My entire life, I thought I had depression or anxiety or something like that, but now I understand that's not the case. It's just how my nervous system adapted. probably complex trauma as a child, an emotionally absent father, plus my personality type, etc etc.

Anyways, I'm here because this work is one of those few things that actually helped me "open" my system a bit more. I don't know, but the last few months I've been here I experienced a couple "openings" that lasted a few days and I felt more connected to life, felt more emotions, etc.

do you think we can keep working on this? maybe adapt the questions to my case, I have no idea, you tell me.

Hug