Very good.
There is nothing physical there
Exactly. This is critical seeing. What you describe is not a self. It is a recurring perceptual/conceptual pattern. A thought immediately tries to convert a sensation into a location of identity.
“This is where I am looking from.”
“The quiet side is not-me.” etc
WHY does that illuminated region feel important?
I seem always to ‘look out of the tunnel’
Can you find an actual looker there?
the inquiry should be focussed ‘backwards’ into the abyss
That is a trap. You are imagining liberation as finding the correct
direction to aim attention.
But no direction contains a self!
Examine the illuminated left-field directly.
Without referring to memory, using spatial imagination,
or even describing it, what is actually there?
Look before the labels.
Does the “yellow conscious tunnel” say “I am you”? Or does thought say that afterward?
You mention the right side feels “dark and quiet.”
Notice the automatic assumption
illuminated = me
quiet = absence
What if the quiet side simply lacks narrative?
Stay with the left side sensations. Is there an owner of it?
Or only the appearance of localized experiencing plus a story ABOUT “me”?
I was expecting my sense of self to be replaced with a feeling of oneness.
Take a look back at this from when you registered:
Concerning Liberation
We are fully aware of the fact that the term “Liberation” has different meanings in different traditions. In order to not set up false expectations, we'd like to make it clear that we use the word in a very specific way. In the context of Liberation Unleashed, liberation refers to the clear, unambiguous and direct realisation of the absence of a separate self. Because not everyone, perhaps no one comes to the Gate without at least some degree of latent tendencies, what we refer to as liberation may not be what you expect of it. Seeing self for what it really is - a story, does not mean that your life is suddenly upgraded in every conceivable way. Old habits, beliefs, programming and conditioning will very probably remain in place. Awakening from the story of you allows old patterns to drop away quickly. The foundation upon which these patterns were based is gone. In this sense, liberation is just the beginning.
‘Feeling of oneness’ is a concept of something off in the distance, not here now. We aren’t aiming for it here. What we are after is clear seeing of this first stage in the awakening process: there is no separate self at all, never has been, never will be.
So take a look.
Who owns that concept of ‘oneness’ and who compares what IS with this concept?
And since you asked ‘how should I know’… The I cannot know. The I cannot take credit for knowing or not knowing. There is no I.
So what we look for here at LU is the end of seeking. Once what is is seen that energy falls away and life goes on as it was and always has been. Free of doership.